Welcome to Monolith Burger!
Welcome to the official corporate website of Monolith Burger, Inc., the galaxy's number one source of processed beef-esque sandwiches! We have proudly brought you (nominally) fast food service since the later 23rd Century and with your help, we can continue to do so into the next millenium.
While the Monolith Burger Website is still under heavy construction, we invite you to take a look at some of the following features:
Diane Murase, CEO of Monolith Burger, Inc., has recently been named the richest sentient being in the known universe by Fortune 9000 Magazine. This is Murase's and Monolith's first time occupying the top spot, which--until recent years--was was generally occupied by Elmo Pug, former head of the mammoth ScumSoft, Inc., before his company's tragic collapse. Murase is a native of Xenon who worked her way up the corporate ladder at Monolith at an almost mind-numbing speed. A little over a year ago, Murase was employed as the lowly Monolith Burger webmistress. When the company underwent its massive restructuring three months ago, Murase managed to land on top as CEO. When reached for comment, Murase stated, "I have to say I'm happy to hear the news. Just a few months ago I was making minimum wage doing web design! Ha!" At the age of twenty, Murase is the second youngest person (after Pug, of course) to be awarded this honor. Diane Murase -- truly one of the greatest success stories in the universe!
Employee of the Month
For the seventy-fourth month running, Ueffo Beeblenarf of Monolith Burger
Franchise #45119 in Sector 62 has been named Monolith Burger's employee
of the month! Ueffo is a native of the planet Skuul-E in the Muldar
quadrant and has worked for Monolith Burger the past sixteen years.
He is currently taking correspondence courses in business manangement at
Monolith Tech and hopes someday to be promoted from assistant manager to
the position of full-fledged Monolith Manager. When asked how he
manages to uphold the title of employee of the month for such an impressive
number of months consecutively, Ueffo humbly replied, "It's easy when you
love what you're doing. Now, would you like fries with that?
Perhaps a Filet-O-Orat?" Congratulations yet again to Ueffo Beeblenarf
for his outstanding achievement!
Monolith Burger Decoder Ring Recalled
After over seven
years as Monolith Burger's most popular Fun Meal prize, the
official Monolith Burger
decoder ring has been put on recall. Recent customer complaints led
to its removal from the prize list. It seems a number of children
(and other beings with the mental capacities of children) were swallowing the
small toys in the process of enjoying their Fun Meals. Monolith Burger
is currently looking for a sufficient replacement for this wildly popular
item that
hsa been revealed as a serious danger to its customers. In the meantime, all
Fun Meals will include toy prizes in the form of shards of broken glass.
If you have any questions about the Monolith Burger
Corporation or would like to apply for a position, please contact us via
e-mail!
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