Re: TEXT: The Terrifying Adventure of the Windmills.2

[Nick Nicholas <nsn@MULLIAN.EE.MU.OZ.AU>]

To Jorge LLambias respond I thus:

#bimo'o prosa le zabna fasnu be fa le nu la donkixotes bifymlo ke se
#terpa lifri noi pu noroi co'a se pensi

{le fasnu be fa co'esa'a} is correct, but obscure and possibly misleading;
{le fasnu po'u le nu co'esa'a} is neater.

#ije go'i le termojyxau fasnu noi drata

{termojyxau} is an excellent lujvo for "memorable"!

#no'i la donkixotes goi ko'a e la santcopansas goi ko'e facki fi fo'a
#goi cinoji'ivono bifymlo be va le srasu foldi

I don't like this usage of {facki} with a blank x2 selbri; I'd prefer it
filled in in the seltanru, as {stufa'i} or {zasfa'i}. But that's just my
personal beef. {cinoji'ivono} is not how {ji'i} was intended to be used
(though it may become so; John?); {ji'i} is meant to be followed by the
one number it approximates. "About 40" = {ji'ivono}. How would you say
"30 to 40"? I suppose {vei cino bi'o vono ve'o bifymlo}.

#        be'ucu'i le su'u le selfunca ca'o gidva le mi'o cuntu cu zabna
#        zmadu le su'u mi'o pu'i pacna

{funca} relates a lucky event and a lucky person; it is not "luck". Also,
your jufra x2 is unnecessarily abstracted. I propose: {be'ucu'i le su'u
le kamzanfunca ca'o gidva le mi'o cuntu cu zabna zmadu ro le mi'o pu'i
se pacna}

#        i va le nu facki fi ji'iza'uso'u cilce brabracrida kei do viska
#        doi pendo po'u la santcos le pu'o se damba be mi

Why {va}? I don't know what sumtcita is appropriate, but it isn't {va}.
{fau}, maybe, or {ba'o}.

#        ije go'i le te lebna be le ka jmive bei mi

I've just condemned the use of {lebna} with qualities, and this does sound
odd in Lojban; {claxygau}, perhaps? ("mankigi")

#        ije go'i le te vimcu be fo le mi'o co'a se ricfu

Nicely indirect turn of phrase.

#        i vu'e le nu jamna le go'i cu vrude

{vu'e}... {vrude} is a bit redundant.

#        i ca'a se cafne le nu le ri so'o birka cu ki'otre li piso'aci

What is frequent is that their arms are 300 m wide? Are you sure you're
not using {cafne} in some other sense?

#        i i'ecu'i xu do terpa paunai

I'm not happy with this marking of the rhetorical question. How about,
instead, {xupe'i} or {dai.e'enai}?

#i na'e jundi le ko'e krixa kajde be fi le nu le pu'o se gunta cu
#bifymlo gi'enai brabracrida

Sancho is the {kajde}; maybe, in a way, his cries are too, but I'd feel
much more comfortable with {jdeselsku} (of which the {se kajde} is either
x4 or x5, depending on whether you keep the {ve cusku} place.)

#        le'o ko na rivbi fi'inai tolvri je palci danlu

I just have to say that, though unintentionally, this sounds *hysterical*
in Lojban!

#        i za'upa le nobli do na gunta

At least one nobleman is *not* attacking you? Huh?

#i co'a brife ca le nu co'u go'i

Nicely idiomatic of you.

#i ko'a gunta le pamoi pe le ca'u molki

I think we can safely substitute {pe} with {be}, which is less ambiguous.

#i ko'a darxi le molki le xarci le balre noi tsali se muvdu le brife
#ja'e le nu po'irgau le xarci gi'e falgau le xirma e le xirselma'erno'i
#noi carna re'o le foldi

I think you mean {ku'o ja'e} rather than {ja'e}, though it's hard to be
sure.

#i ko'e ko'a fu le xasli cu klama co sutra be du'i le ni ri ka'e no'a

John: I think this is the type of phrase you should use to illustrate
{no'a} in the Text Structures paper. Good phrase.

#        le cevni mi'o uu bandu

You need an {.a'o} or an {.e'o}, to indicate that this is a counterfactual.

#        i xu mi le mi nobli pu cusku le du'u ko traji pensi le nu zukte

{le du'u} is not a direct quote, so you can't use {ko} inside it. Say {ri
.ei} instead of {ko}. Also this doesn't seem the way to handle the rhetorical
question. {ba'anai} or {ju'o} will do.

#        i xu go'i fi le du'u fo'a ca'a bifymlo noi ka'e na'e se djuno
#        le po'o se stedu co vasru be fo'a

I can't interpret {le po'o se stedu co vasru be fo'a}; it seems a reference
to his only skull (?)

#        i ka'u le jamna cuntu ka'e binxo semau ro le drata

{binxo}? "Change" is the concept you're talking about, isn't it?

#        i ca le famfa'o le tolka'erselylacri je palci na snada le nu
#        fapro le mi dakyxa'i vrude

{mulno} might be better than {fanmo}, and {certu} than {vrude}

#        ba fasnu du'o le cevni

{.i'a}

Well written and idiomatic, though I'd have preferred a few (quite a few
actually :) more attitudinals.

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