“Pretty pretty” versus “ugly pretty” visual reference available here.

 
Oh, the things that set my geek heart aflutter.

via No Smoking in the Skull Cave

 
We know that Governor Palin supports offshore drilling and opposes same-sex marriage, but what’s her stance on the future of Human/Cylon relations?

via BURNLAB

 
I find it vaguely disturbing that Batman’s — er, make that Spiderman’s — modus operandi is to “stroke all criminal activates and criminals everywhere.”

via Scans Daily

My Superman reboot would take the franchise in a completely different direction. First up, I’d set the film in 1938, the year of Superman’s debut in Action Comics #1. Moreover, I’d use CGI to create a highly stylized Metropolis, evoking a retro pulp art aesthetic and harkening back to the Fleischer Superman cartoons from the 1940s. If you’ve seen Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, that’s very close to what I have in mind.

Lex Luthor would be the film’s villain — depicted here as a mad scientist who unleashes an army of giant robots on the unsuspecting citizens of Metropolis. Lois Lane is a tenacious reporter for the Daily Planet with a knack for finding herself in harm’s way. Meanwhile, Superman is something of a mystery — new to the scene, nobody knows where he came from or what he’s doing in Metropolis. I’d also scale back his powers a bit to bring them more in line with his early appearances (i.e. stronger than a locomotive, faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound). From there, the film basically writes itself: Superman smashes a few dozen robots, captures Lex Luthor, and rescues Lois Lane from certain doom.

Of course, I’m probably the only person on Earth who would want to see a retro Superman flick. As far as a more “box office friendly” reboot of the Superman franchise goes, I have a few suggestions after the jump.

Completely forget the previous movies. Bryan Singer’s slavish devotion to the earlier Richard Donner films nearly sank Superman Returns. It’s time to go back to square one — recast and start from scratch. Oh, and for God’s sake — get rid of Lois and Superman’s love child.

Resist the temptation to make Superman a “dark” character. Grim and gritty works for Batman. For Superman? Not so much. Avoid playing up the whole Last Son of Krypton angle too much (i.e. Superman as the only one of his kind, alone on Earth). Superman isn’t some tortured soul in tights and a cape; he’s the superhero archetype. Save the deep inner turmoil for another character.

Find a new villain. Lex Luthor has already shown up in four of the five Superman film’s (and been played a bit too often as corny comic relief by both Gene Hackman and Kevin Spacey). It’s time for Superman to face a new villain. Brainiac seems like the most obvious choice, but I could see Doomsday or Darkseid making for interesting antagonists, as well.

Find an actress who can play Lois Lane as a smart, strong woman. This is at least one area where Margot Kidder outshone Superman Returns‘ Kate Bosworth. Lois should be a strong-willed, aggressive reporter who will do literally anything to get the story (and who can’t stand being scooped by a farmboy from Kansas). Moreover, she should be like a force of nature at the Daily Planet — recklessly ignoring Perry White’s orders, bossing around Jimmy Olsen, and calling Clark Kent “Smallville” whenever the opportunity arises.

Feature a cameo from Ma and Pa Kent. Just like Alfred keeps Batman grounded, Ma and Pa Kent are an important part of Superman’s life. I’d love to see them appear in a new Superman movie — either in a flashback or during a brief visit to Smallville.

I’m curious to hear how my readers would go about rebooting the Superman movie franchise. Casting ideas? Favorite villains? Major “do’s” and “don’ts” for bringing the Man of Steel back to the big screen? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section.

A play in one act, inspired by my most recent trip to the movies.

 
FIN.

 
I remember the exact moment that I completely lost faith in the Star Wars prequels. It was during the climactic arena battle in Attack of the Clones, while R2D2 dragged C-3PO’s detached head back to his gold-plated droid body. That’s when Threepio groaned, in his inimitable manner, “This is such a drag.” Get it? Drag? Oh, George — you’re such a kidder!

Over the past few years, however, my opinion on the prequel trilogy has softened considerably. I’ve steadily grown to appreciate the intricacies of Palpatine’s grand plot to overthrow the Republic, Ewan McGregor’s charming performance as Obi-Wan Kenobi, the understated menace of Christopher Lee’s Count Dooku, the spectacular lightsaber duels, the gorgeous special effects…I’ve even made peace with Jar Jar Binks (almost). No, the prequels aren’t perfect. No, they don’t live up to the Original Trilogy. Nevertheless, there are some pretty decent Star Wars moments lurking in Episodes I through III.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars is Lucas’ latest entry in the Star Wars saga, a CGI-animated flick set between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Essentially a theatrical pilot for the upcoming television series of the same name, The Clone Wars has been met with dismal reviews from critics and Star Wars fans alike. For instance, Linda Barnard of the Toronto Star raves, “Pretty much drives a stake into the heart of every loyal fan of the movies!”

Well, I’ve seen The Clone Wars…and it isn’t that bad. At least I didn’t think so. I’ll address some of the most common criticisms leveled at the film after the jump.

Criticism: Ahsoka Tano is the most annoying character since Jar Jar.

 
Criticism: The animation is cruddy.

 
Criticism: The plot feels too episodic, like a television series.

 
Criticism: Ziro the Hutt is flamboyantly offensive/offensively flamboyant.

 
Criticism: The storyline is inconsequential to the Star Wars saga as a whole.

 
Criticism: It’s a stupid kids’ movie.

 
Maybe it’s just me, but The Clone Wars didn’t seem like the franchise-killing train wreck so many reviewers and fans have made it out to be. Despite a few missteps (I’m looking at you, Ziro), the film offers high-impact action sequences along with some genuinely fun character moments that tap into that undeniable Star Wars charm. Furthermore, Sith apprentice Asajj Ventress is a darkly captivating villain who makes the most of her limited screen time, Christopher Lee once again strikes all the right chords as Dooku, and the actors providing the voices for Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padmé turn in solid performances.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars may not measure up to Genndy Tartakovsky’s similarly-titled Star Wars: Clone Wars animated series from a few years back (much less the best moments of the Original Trilogy), but it’s a decent enough movie in a post-prequel world. If nothing else, it has me looking forward to the debut of the television series later this Fall…which, I suppose, was the entire point of the film in the first place.

The verdict: B-

 
Just so we’re all on the same page here, that’s Admiral Ackbar of the Mon Calamari getting married to Rebel leader Mon Mothma. With Slave Girl Leia presiding. More details here.

Speaking of Star Wars, I should have my review of The Clone Wars posted tomorrow.

 
Woohoo! Today marks the fifth anniversary of Apropos of Something’s glorious launch, and I wanted to invite everyone out there in Internet Land to join me in quaffing the celebratory beverage of your choice (as long as it’s not Mountain Dew).

As the site’s banner proudly proclaims, I’ve been dispensing two-fisted justice here at Ye Olde Blog since 2003 — primarily in the form of movie reviews, geeky countdowns, remixed comic book panels, and overly-elaborate TV show recaps. Even scarier, I just realized this morning that I’ve been consistently publishing on the Internet in one form or another (webzines, fansites, blogs) for the past thirteen years. Just imagine what a more socially responsible individual could have accomplished during that same amount of time!

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone who’s followed the site through the years. When I started blogging back in ‘03, I never imagined anyone would be interested in reading my inane ramblings. You guys make it fun, and I appreciate that you’ve stuck around — even through my brief infatuation with blogging about Britney Spears back in ‘07.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m heading off on vacation for the next few days. Regular posting will resume soon. Arrivederci!

 
Hello Kitty will swallow your soul.

(via TokyoMango)

 
Although the summer is winding down, there are still plenty of flicks I’m looking forward to in 2008, including Pineapple Express (August 6), Tropic Thunder (August 15), Star Wars: The Clone Wars (August 15), Hamlet 2 (August 22), Burn After Reading (September 12), Zack and Miri Make a Porno (October 31), Quantum of Solace (November 7), and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (November 21).

What are your favorite films of 2008 so far, and what releases are you still anticipating?

 
I think it’s safe to assume that Mark’s conversational pause was due to his surprise that, of all the “frequent customers” he’d been asked to call, I was the first one who turned out to be a dude. And with such a misleading name, too!

Nevertheless, the call speaks to a deeper problem — my aforementioned obsession with scented candles. In response to the escalating nature of the situation, I’m officially declaring a personal six-month moratorium on all candle purchases. For the next six months, I won’t buy any new candles and will only burn existing candles from my (admittedly substantial) stockpile. That’s unless somebody gives me a Yankee Candle gift card for Christmas — you know, because then it would be rude not to spend it.

Hmm…so, what does one wear to a candle-sniffing party?

 
It’s about time the foes from Super Mario Bros. 2 got their due!

 
What I liked about X-Files: I Want to Believe…

 
What I didn’t like about X-Files: I Want to Believe…

X-Files: I Want to Believe wasn’t nearly as bad as many reviewers made it out to be, but it was still underwhelming in the sense that it didn’t live up to many of the series’ most fondly remembered episodes. In turn, I can’t help but wonder, why now? Why this project? Six years after the television series ended and ten years after the first X-Files movie, what was it about I Want to Believe that compelled Anderson and Duchovny to return to the roles that made them famous in the first place? Now, that’s a mystery worth investigating.

The verdict: B-

I realize that it’s a little out of the ordinary for a iPod-toting, blog-authoring technogeek like myself not to own a cell phone, but it occurred to me the other day that I barely even use our landline. I often go four or five days at a time without speaking to another human being over the phone. Apparently, my beef isn’t with cell phones, per se; it’s with the entire concept of telephonic communication.

If I had a time machine, I’d probably travel back to 1876 and punch Alexander Graham Bell in his smug, beardy face. Then, while I was there, I’d do whatever I could to prevent Colorado’s admission to the Union (but that’s an altogether different story).

To recap, I’m not just a Luddite. I’m actually an antisocial, unpopular Luddite. With a grudge against Alexander Graham Bell. And Colorado. Just so we’re clear.

 
If you’ve ever secretly yearned to see John C. Reilly wear a Chewbacca mask or watch Will Ferrell teabag a drum kit, this is the movie for you!

The verdict: C-