Dear Beantown
Posted on April 9, 2004 @ 11:09 am
To the people of Boston:
Although most of you do not know me, and I have never actually visited your fair city, I nevertheless feel that I owe you a sincere apology. In recent weeks, I admit to having made a number of insensitive statements (primarily directed at my television) about Bostonians, including calling them “meatheads,” mocking their accents, and perhaps even describing them on a few occasions as “wicked retahded.” Such behavior was wrong, and I apologize. In my defense, however, I should point out that this hostility results entirely from the varying degrees of frustration, anger, and disgust I have registered while watching the current crop of Bostonians populating reality television — e.g. CT and David from The Real Word/Road Rules Inferno, Randy from The Real World: San Diego, and most of all, Boston Rob from Survivor All-Stars. I realize that these despicable wastes of space are not actually indicative of the citizens of Boston as a whole, and it is unfair for me to direct my utter distaste for every fiber of their collective being toward all Bostonians simply because these losers all happen to hail from the same town.
That being said, I have absolutely nothing against Boston or the vast majority of its residents. For instance, I have nothing but respect for the city’s role in the American Revolution. Great work on the Boston Tea Party, guys, and my sincere condolences on the Boston Massacre. Your city truly is the Cradle of Liberty! Furthermore, I appreciate the efforts of your Red Sox and hope that they will finally best the New York Yankees this season. I should also note that I have seen nearly every episode of Cheers, and I particularly enjoyed those in which Kevin McHale guest-starred. Finally, while I have never actually bought one of their albums, I have often enjoyed Aerosmith’s songs on the radio, and I respect their work — at least up until Nine Lives. But, I digress. Someday, I would like to visit your city to see its many historical sites, explore the campuses of some of the finest universities in the world, and sample its signature baked beans. Perhaps we could arrange a time when the aforementioned CT, David, Randy, and Rob will be out of town for college speaking engagements or the like.
In the meantime, I hope that you will accept my most heartfelt apology. By that same token, however, I also hope that you will seriously consider placing tighter restrictions regarding whom you allow to represent your city on reality television programs in the future. Let’s not allow the backstabbing of Survivor Rob, the around-the-clock drunkeness of Real World Randy, and the general idiocy of The Inferno’s CT and David become synoymous with the city of Boston. You’re better than that. Thanks for your time, and best wishes.
Sincerely,
Jess
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Random Musings |
3 comments so far...
Leave a Comment
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
Blog It Forward
TGIF, ladies and germs. Once again, you are being graced with the love-fest that is Blogging It Forward.
It’s a simple premise, really. Highlight a blog you like, and say why. Is it the author’s humor, insight, or snazzy style? Tell the world….
You forgot to mention the phenomenal success of the city’s Big Dig project — a true engineering marvel that finished only $10 billion over budget.
You know, I’d never heard of the Big Dig, but kudos to Boston for sticking to its guns even when the chips were down and the budget had run dry!