Tales from the Classroom XIII: Just the facts, ma’am

Posted on February 20, 2004 @ 5:16 pm

You can learn a lot sometimes just by reading the work submitted by students. For instance, I’ve seen an entire essay exploring last year’s controversy in Alabama over the “Ten Amendments,” in which a student argued rather convincingly that the state judicial building should have the right to display the Bill of Rights since it is, after all, an important document in American history. I’ve also seen a student spend the better part of a five-page essay discussing the historic Al Smith presidency of the 1950s, examining how President Smith’s disastrous policies ultimately resulted in the Great Depression. How, pray tell, does one grade that?

Ever wonder how the judicial process works in the Supreme Court? Rumor has it that the Justices preside as judges, the 535 members of the combined houses of Congress serve as the jury, and the President of the United States acts as the prosecutor. Oh, and I’m sure there are probably hobbits involved somehow, too.

Heck, I’ve seen an entire essay written about the origins of the Vitamin War. I assumed the student was talking about the unforgettable skirmish in which King Vitaman led his C battalion against the evil forces of Scurvy, but it turns out he was actually thinking of some obscure war that took place in Southeast Asia a few decades ago. I guess I’ll just chalk that one up to a “Replace All” mistake while spellchecking in Microsoft Word.

I heard what remains my favorite “alternative history” back during my time as an undergraduate, though. It was during a modern European history class, and we were covering World War II. The professor had just finished reading an excerpt from Winston Churchill’s famous “we shall never surrender” speech and concluded by posing the rhetorical question, “And did Great Britain surrender?”

Much to everyone’s surprise, one of my classmates chimed in with the answer.

“Yes.”

Now, I should note that this was an upper-level class consisting exclusively of history majors. The student in question, if I remember correctly, was a third-year history major at the time. That being said, the professor was justifiably taken aback by his response and decided to probe the matter a bit more deeply.

“So, after losing the Battle of Britain, England ended up surrendering to Nazi Germany?”
“Yes, sir.”
“And Germany occupied Great Britain?”
“Yes, they did.”
“And then went on the win the Second World War?”
“No, the United States eventually went over, liberated the British, and won the war.”

Take that, Socratic method! In the student’s defense, however, at least he got that part about the Nazis not winning World War II correct. For his part, the professor handled the increasingly ridiculous situation about as smoothly as possible, suggesting that the student had apparently misspoken and must have actually been thinking of France (which anyone who was in the classroom realized was quite obviously not the case).

It truly warms my heart to know that the student in question went on to earn the same degree that I did. Sigh…

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