Working the barbershop circuit
Posted on January 8, 2004 @ 9:30 am
My hair grows fast. Freakishly fast. We’re talking I-need-a-haircut-every-two-weeks fast here. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to wait closer to four or five weeks between haircuts. Without fail, this leads to the following conversation every time I go to the barber shop:
Me: Give me a number-one clipper guard on the sides and back, faded up to the top. Thin it out a bit on top and leave it just long enough not to stick up.
Barber: Are you sure? That’s pretty short, you know. How long has it been since your last haircut?
Me: About a month.
Barber: Wow! Your hair grows fast!
Now, in the immortal words of Bill Cosby, I told you that so I could tell you this.
Each time I have that conversation with my barber, I make the exact same joke in response. When she comments on how quickly my hair grows, I reply, “Well, I guess it’s better the alternative!” We both politely chuckle, and she begins cutting my hair.
I realize that the joke is lame. I also realize that my current barber has heard me share my little bon mot a dozen times already, which makes it even lamer. Each time that I go to the barbershop, I tell myself that I’m not going to make the same joke, but it’s like a knee-jerk reaction at this point. She says “grows fast,” and I say “better than the alternative.” Try as I might, I can’t resist. In fact, I did it again just last week.
I’m starting to feel like a Dangerfield-esque one-trick pony in the barber chair. I can just imagine my barber looking at the appointment book on the day that I’m going in and telling her co-workers, “Oh, look–I’m cutting the ‘better than the alternative’ guy’s hair today. Joy.” Clearly, I need to work up some new material before my next haircut.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Life in a Nutshell |
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I can relate; nearly every time I used to get a haircut, the barber would tell me that I have the thickest hair he/she has ever seen. What’s the correct response to that? I don’t know if it made my hair more difficult to cut, or if I was being told that it was a blessing to have such thick hair. I usually just sat there in awkward silence like a total moron, which probably made me appear rude (and could be the cause of my receiving quite a few bad haircuts). A few times, the barber even brought over the other barbers in the shop to witness the awesome thickness of my freakish hair. Anyway, it got pretty annoying, and I started dreading the situation. I eventually started getting my hair cut really short, and it apparently made the odd hair thickness less obvious.
However, I too have the weird, rapid-growth problem and got into a similar predicament as yourself. Also, you failed to mention the cost involved with paying for a haircut so often, which is one reason why I grew my hair out in the first place. It was a no-win situation. I referred to it as “The Catch-22 of Hair.” Actually, I didn’t, but it seems fitting now that I think of it. Regardless, as an answer to all things hair and barber, I convinced the wife to learn how to cut my hair. If you want to follow in my footsteps, I suggest starting to care a lot less about getting a good haircut.
Hrm. You have freak hair, too, eh? Maybe there was something in the water back in Castlewood.
I wonder if there’s a support group out there for people like us. The Too-Much-Hair Club for Men perhaps?
Apparently I didn’t live in Castlewood long enough. I want my hair back!
I avoid this entire issue by the simple expedient of having my wee wifey trim my hair back to even with the bottom edge of my shoulder blades a couple times a year.
On the other hand, any time a waitress askes if there is anything else she could get us, I ask for a good night’s sleep.