One man’s fight to end razor bumps in our time
Posted on December 13, 2003 @ 7:56 pm
There’s not much in this world that I hate more than shaving–due in large part to a history of annoying razor bumps. Unfortunately, my facial hair tends to grow just enough to necessitate shaving every other day, but not enough to keep any attempt at a beard or goatee on my part from being a complete embarrassment. Anyway, as part of my ongoing battle against razor bumps, I’ve gradually added several additional steps and countless personal care products to my shaving regimen over the course of the past year.
The rigmarole begins the night before I plan to shave with me washing my face using Aveeno Clear Complexion foaming cleanser and applying a healthy dose of Neutrogena Healthy Skin face lotion. The next morning, I get up early and scrub down with ultra-gritty St. Ives facial exfoliant to get rid of as much of that pesky epidermis as possible. Then, I wash up with St. Ives moisturizing facial cleanser–and I’m almost ready to shave.
With my triple-blade razor at the ready, I lather up using Aveeno therapeutic shave gel for sensitive skin (with natural colloidal oatmeal, of course) and begin to shave–methodically and always with the grain, as instructed by Kyan Douglas. After about ten minutes, I’m finished and it’s time for the post-shave wrap-up.
First, I wash my face again–this time with Neutrogena skin clearing face wash for men. Then, I splash down with a faceful of cold water to close the pores before beginning to mop up the puddles of blood that are typically beginning to form on the bathroom countertop by this point. When all that’s done, I finish up with a generous coat of a Nivea after-shave balm that allegedly “moisturizes the skin and helps soothe the irritations caused by shaving,” but in fact tends to leave me running around the house with my hands on my face and screaming like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone.
The end result? I still get razor bumps, although not quite as many as before. On the downside, the entire shaving process now takes about six hours to complete by the time I factor in all the pre-shave prep, the shave itself, and the post-shave denouement–not to mention requiring about $40 worth of facial products. Oh, and I’m completely emasculated now. I almost forgot that last part.
Why do I sometimes get the feeling that soaping up with a bar of Irish Spring, shaving with a single-blade disposable, and splashing on some Aqua Velva when I’m finished would be just as effective? Then again, those new quadruple-blade razors are pretty tempting.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Life in a Nutshell |
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Yeah, all those people who thought you were a girl are now either very confused or they finally got it. You may be getting some strange page views from now on.
To get on topic, I use an electric shaver, it doesn’t take me five minutes to shave. Though I find it strange how most guys don’t even consider that alternative.
Welcome to Apropos of Something: Home of the Bearded Lady!
You know, it’s been years since I used an electric razor (and the last one I used was the cheapest model ever produced), so maybe it’s time to give it another try. Maybe I should get that one that dispenses “goo” as it shaves.
Or maybe not.
Real men love bleeding.
Wow, I don’t feel quite so bad about all the makeup and hair and this and that and the other anymore.
Praise be to Corey and his feed thing.