Indiana Jones’s Diary
Posted on November 11, 2003 @ 3:14 pm
With apologies to Helen Fielding, Steven Spielburg, George Lucas, Harrison Ford, Rene Zellweger, and my readers…
Tuesday 2 February
176 lbs., alcohol units 3 (excellent), Nazis killed 7 (good), calories 1600 (v.g.).
Artifacts recovered year-to-date:
Excalibur
Noah’s Ark
Dagger of Amon Ra
Hippolyta’s Girdle
Philosopher’s Stone
Spear of Destiny
Bad day at work. Just returned from Lost City of Korma yesterday with Spear of Destiny. Barely had chance to unpack before Marcus started bothering me about overdue final grades from last semester. Says students starting to get upset. Tried to explain that Nazis would use Spear to conquer Europe if not recovered. Marcus made snide comment about tenure review coming up. Didn’t hear him complaining when he was mentioned in Life cover story on recovery of Noah’s Ark.
Sunday 7 February
184 lbs. (shouldn’t have gone back for seconds on chilled monkey brains), alcohol units 10 (v.g. considering party), Nazis killed 1 (excellent), calories ???
Currently in Peking with Dad looking for Helmet of Ying Zheng. Good: local cuisine delicious, not many Nazis around (almost positive bellhop I shot was Nazi, though). Bad: Dad keeps lecturing me about everything. “The dahg’sh name wahsh Indiana.” Whatever, Dad.
Attacked by (Nazi?) swordsman in bazaar this morning. Shot him in chest after he finished waving around sword. Ha! That never gets old. Glad nobody has ever thought to do that to me when I’m waving around whip.
Friday 12 February
180 lbs., alcohol units 2 (excellent), Nazis killed 14 (stumbled onto Hitler Youth rally, couldn’t help myself), calories 1200 (v.g.).
Finally back in U.S. Didn’t find helmet. Marcus isn’t going to be happy. Received letter from Willie today saying she plans to be in town on Valentine’s Day, wants to know if we can get together for dinner. I’ve had my heart ripped out before (literally!), don’t know if I want to go down that road again. What to do?
Tuesday 16 Feburary
178lbs. (almost back to fighting weight!), alcohol units 3, Nazis killed 3 (v.g.), calories 1800.
Went to dinner with Willie Sunday night. Bad idea! Willie not nearly as tolerable without Short Round there for comic relief. Wonder what Short Round is doing these days. Should probably write him.
P.S. Recovered Relic of True Cross on Monday. Marcus happy again. I’ll never figure that man out.
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Genius. “The dahg’sh name wahsh Indiana.”
hehehe. Good times. Good times.
Thanks! I’m glad to hear that you enjoyed it…