Must-Be TV: The Masked Fisherman

Posted on November 4, 2003 @ 9:30 am

I’ve been kicking around this idea for the past few years, and with both reality television and extreme sports soaring to new heights of popularity by the day, it seems like the right time to unleash my idea for an extreme fishing show–The Masked Fisherman–on the world.

Here’s the setup. Our host, the enigmatic Masked Fisherman, is an anonymous angler/munitions expert. His identity guarded by his trademark black ski mask, the Masked Fisherman travels to a new lake at an undisclosed location each week with his faithful camera crew. Once there, he sets out onto the lake in his souped-up pontoon boat, searching for the perfect fishing spot using all the latest high-tech fish-finding technology. Then, after he’s searched out the ideal location, the fun begins–unless you’re a fish, that is.

Here’s where the show diverges from most televised fishing shows. Unlike conventional fishermen, the Masked Fisherman doesn’t trade in rods, reels, lures, bait, and all that non-extreme rubbish. Instead, he fishes the way that God intended: using small-scale explosives. Drawing upon the impressive munitions arsenal housed in his tacklebox, the Masked Fisherman will rely on his trusty hand grenades. When he pulls out the pin on the first grenade, the show’s signature tune–Blur’s Song 2 (also known as “the woo-hoo song”)–will begin blaring. The Masked Fisherman will then throw the hand grenade into the water, followed by several more, the explosions causing dead fish to float to the surface by the dozen. Once his work is done and the song has ended, the Masked Fisherman will simply use a fishing net to collect his catch. The end result? In less than five minutes, the Masked Fisherman will have caught more fish than most televised fishermen do in a career.

If Jesus was the Fisher of Men, then the Masked Fisherman is THE MAN of fishers.

That’s far from the entire show, however. Naturally, the conservative local game wardens aren’t going to appreciate the Masked Fisherman’s extreme stylings. Therefore, the show will end each week with a Dukes of Hazzard-esque car chase in which the Masked Fisherman attempts to elude the local authorities. Circumstances permitting, this chase will of course include the Masked Fisherman jumping his vehicle (the Masked Fishervan) over numerous bales of hay and broken-down bridges. Once he’s escaped with his catch in tow, it’s back to his top-secret headquarters to scout out a location for the following week’s episode.

Of course, the show will be shot in grainy black-and-white with frenetic MTV-style editing to make it look more X-TREME–er, extreme. Now, if I can just figure out a way to incorporate some bikini-clad models into the show format, I think The Masked Fisherman is ready for SpikeTV. Or at least ESPN2.

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