Fast-food reflections

Posted on September 3, 2003 @ 6:11 pm

Has anyone else seen and/or heard the series of advertisements that have been running in recent months promoting the, ahem, exciting new menu at Hardee’s? To make a long story short, the overarching theme of these ads is as follows: “We know that we used to suck, but we promise that our food isn’t nearly as bad as it used to be. Honest. Please come and eat here.” Here’s a summary of one of the spots from AdAge.com:

“The spot shows an 18-year-old ex-customer who recalls, with pained facial expressions, his total disgust over his last Hardee’s meal. ‘The whole place just smells like fried chicken,’ he says, ‘like chicken, frying chicken. So I bite into the burger and, dude, it was just weird. I’m eating the burger and smelling the chicken.’”

The ad then flashes to a picture of Hardee’s new, ridiculously-named Thickburger, reassuring would-be customers with the slogan, “Introducing Thickburger and no fried chicken. Instead of trying to make a lot of things good, we’re going to make one thing great.” Other ads promise that the Thickburger represents “how the last place you’d go for a burger will become the first.” Best of all, most of the ads also explicitly point out the fact that Thickburgers are significantly more expensive than competing fast-food burgers, but assure customers that it’s worth the price.

Let me get this straight. You’ve just reminded me why I wasn’t eating at Hardee’s–the “last place” I’d go for a burger–and now you want me to pay a premium price to give you a second (or third) chance? Yeah, I’ll get right on that.

Meanwhile, Arby’s has given up on such previous advertising campaigns as assuring customers that “Arby’s is different,” urging you to “give in to your grown-up taste,” and offering “a taste of the Southwest.” Nowadays, they’re depending on a anthropomorphic CG oven mitt named (wait for it…) Oven Mitt to bring people in to try one of their seemingly endless variations on slapping roast beef onto a bun. Now, obviously a talking oven mitt is going to sell sandwiches; that much is a given. What I don’t understand, however, is the almost tangible sense of hostility that Oven Mitt’s co-workers hold toward him for some unknown reason in the commercials. For instance, in one spot they mercilessly taunt Oven Mitt for lacking a nose and ears. Come on, guys–he’s an oven mitt! Isn’t the fact that he’s able to hold down a job in the fast-food industry enough to placate you? In another spot, the co-workers angrily accuse poor Oven Mitt of being a suck-up just because he compliments the manager on having a good idea during a staff meeting. Although the scenarios change from ad to ad, one thing remains constant throughout the campaign: these people think of Oven Mitt as a second-class citizen/glove that’s not worthy of their time and respect. Then again, when you consider that Tom Arnold provides the voice of Oven Mitt, I suppose that the pieces begin to fall into place.

At the moment, however, my favorite fast-food slogan is for Checker’s–a chain of less-than-stellar drive-through burger joints here in the South. Their awe-inspiring slogan? “You gotta eat.” Yep, that’s the most compelling reason the ad wizards at Checkers can devise for dining at their fine establishment. You have a biological need to consume food; if you don’t, you’ll die. Given those facts, you might as well address this biological need at Checker’s–especially if there’s one nearby and you have some form of legal tender in your pocket. Please note that they never claimed that their food was good. But, it will stave off death–at least in the short term. In the long term, of course, the calories, fat content, and cholesterol will all do their part to help you shuffle off this moral coil. But, I guess fast-food is all about the here and now anyway, eh?

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