How to fix Enterprise
Posted on September 18, 2003 @ 7:52 am
I’ve been a fan of Enterprise ever since it debuted a couple of years back, but it looks like the series has a tough road ahead. Low ratings led the producers to overhaul the series this season, giving the ship a dangerous new mission into an uncharted region of space, adding a platoon of space marines to the crew, upping the sexual tension, and giving the characters–most notably Captain Jonathan Archer and Chief Engineer Trip Tucker–a somewhat harder edge to their personalities. It’s now two episodes into the new season, however, and things still just aren’t quite clicking. Then, while watching last night’s episode, it hit me. I know how to fix Enterprise. Captain Archer needs a catchphrase.
Just imagine an alien vessel bearing down on the Enterprise, phaser cannons firing away. Archer orders evasive maneuvers, bringing the ship around to return fire on the enemy. Now, just before he orders a full spread of photon torpedoes, he turns to the camera with a look of determination on his face and says, “When you mess with an Archer, you get the arrow. Fire, Mr. Reed!”
Boom. Instant ratings.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Geek, Pop Culture |
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How about, “For god’s sake Malcolm, stop your annoying gay whining. You sound like a camp English manic depressive”
You crack me up. I really like Enterprise, and I like T’pol’s new uniform. But I didn’t think this mission would be ongoing for so long… and while I’m at it it seems the peppier opening is a bit forced, too.
The new opening really bugs me. Due to the tempo change of the theme song, the music is no longer in synch with the visual cues of the opening montage. Personally, I find it rather jarring.
Still, I’m all about Enterprise. I know that quite a few diehard Trekkers out there argue it’s destroying the franchise’s proud legacy, but I think it’s by far the best Star Trek I’ve seen in years.
Meanwhile, I’m starting to wonder if “When you mess with an Archer, you get the shaft!” would be a better catchphrase.
Here’s MY Star Trek franchise fantasy show:
Star Fleet Academy
Starring the entire cast of Boston Public (including Jeri Ryan in a reprise of her Seven of Nine character) — except they are teaching cadets at the Star Fleet Academy in New San Francisco.
The cast also includes Wil Wheaton as a grown up Wesley Crusher. He’s now a middle-aged yet naive teacher who is counseled by the his wise Borg co-worker, Seven, on the secrets of teaching teenagers (Wesley grew up in an adult world and doesn’t get even get his own kids).
Whoopi Goldberg also makes guest appearances as Headmaster Guinan. Other TNG and Voyager cast members will also appear when they’re out of work.
Seven is less “Borgish” in the new series, allowing her to show a bit of cleavage and wear fashionable clothing.
Continuing plot line:
Earth is on the brink of developing the same kind of technology that enslaved the Borg. Seven and a group of her brightest students have organized to thwart Dr. Gorgonna (played by Alice Krige — the Borg queen in Voyager), a beautiful scientist who is driven to develop technology that Seven knows will destroy the Earth — why? Because WE are the Borg! Seven has only revealed this secret to her students and only they can save the Earth from Dr. Gorgonna and the corrupt Star Fleet officers who have been seduced by her.
In the series opener titled “Connected”, Dr. Gorgonna markets a new device that allows humans to communicate through thought alone. The device is a huge hit with young people — but there is a problem. A small group of kids can’t use the device because of a slight genetic variation. They are quickly singled out as being “uncool” and excluded from the “thought parties” that the other kids are having. Seven trys to have the devices banned from the school and the series-long battle with Dr. Gorgonna begins!