Comment of the Millennium?

Posted on July 1, 2008

I realize it’s only 2008, but I received this comment a few days ago here at Apropos of Something, and I think it might be an early front-runner for the coveted Comment of the Millennium award. Please pardon the commenter’s language; I’m sure she’d apologize herself if she were here.

 
What kind of blog post could have I written to provoke such vitriol from KT? Would you believe it was a link to a Homestar Runner Valentine’s Day cartoon? I ♥ the Internet.

Previously on Lost-vivor…

Posted on January 30, 2008

¡Hola amigos! I think it’s time that I made a rare Interweb appearance to clear up a few rumors. Yes, I’ve been M.I.A. for a few months. No, I’m not — nor have I recently been — dead. No, I didn’t suffer amnesia due to a bizarre unicycle accident. Yes, I have developed a disturbing affinity for America’s Next Top Model. No, I’m not awaiting trial for killing a hooker. Who told you that, anyway?

Oh, and yes, Lost-vivor is returning. This Friday, to be exact. Stay tuned…

Blogging about not blogging

Posted on August 31, 2007

The phrase “honest day’s work” is thrown around a lot these days, but my firsthand exposure to such a thing is limited at best. My dad worked for thirty years in a coal mine. He’d load sixteen tons, and what would he get? Another day older and deeper in debt. Well, actually, he was compensated fairly well for his work, but I’m sure you get the idea. Operating heavy machinery and engaging in backbreaking physical labor several hundred feet beneath the Earth’s surface is clearly an honest day’s work. Photocopying a bunch of handouts and then talking to students for an hour and fifteen minutes about Thucydides and the Peloponnesian War? I’m not so sure.

Nevertheless, speaking as someone who basically spent his entire life in school up until a few short months ago and now finds his dainty little hands sullied with an actual, real-life job for the first time ever, I’m still trying to get the whole “work/spend time with family/blog about random pop culture stuff” balance worked out. That being said, I’m not “gone” or “taking a break.” I’m just trying to find the time to blog in the confines of a schedule that suddenly requires me to be places at certain times and actually, you know, do stuff.

So, for those readers asking why my blogging output has slowed in recent weeks…rest assured that I’m working on it. I’m just busy adjusting to life as an actual grownup (at age thirty). Before long, I’ll be back in the saddle, counting down the five least essential G.I. Joe characters or some other nonsense. Take care!

A tale of scoundrels, consumer electronics, and writer’s block — full of sound and fury, signifying nothing

Posted on August 17, 2007

Sigh…it’s been one of those days. First, I was alerted that some jerkhole is selling t-shirts on eBay featuring my “Snape’s on a Plane” design without bothering to ask my permission. I’m reminded of a quote from B-movie idol Bruce Campbell: “Imitation is indeed a form of flattery, but paying a guy is an even better form.”

Then, just a few hours later, the unthinkable happened: my cherished iPod shuffled off the mortal coil. It’s dead, Jim. Kaput. Pining for the fjords and all that. I immediately swore that I’d wait at least a few months to replace it and maybe even comparison shop some non-Apple MP3 players. Six hours later, I was in the process of charging up a brand new silver iPod nano. Damn you, Steve Jobs! (he says, shaking his fist in vain)

To top it all off, I’m in a blog funk. It’s one of those deals where I come up with an idea for an entry, decide it’s not actually clever and/or funny enough to post, and end up deleting it. Then, the next day, I come up with another idea. Unfortunately, it’s not as good as the idea I deleted the day before, so obviously I can’t go posting the new idea either. Anyway, it usually goes on like that for several days until I decide I need to post something — clever or not — just to break the cycle.

So, I guess this takes care of that. Thank you, and goodnight.

Celebrating my fourth blogiversary!

Posted on August 8, 2007

 
Four more years! Four more years!

Back in action

Posted on June 11, 2007

After having spent the last few days surreptitiously pushing my swaddled laptop around the neighborhood in a baby stroller while searching for unsecured wireless signals to piggyback, my broadband connection at the new house is finally up and running. Normal posting patterns should resume tout de suite.

We’ll be right back after these important messages

Posted on June 5, 2007

Expect the next few days to be fairly quiet here at Apropos of Something, as I’m busy packing up and moving all my earthly possessions (a few boxes of comic books, my computer, and a photograph of Elvis shaking hands with Richard Nixon) to our new house in The Middle of Nowhere, USA.

Posting will resume as soon as I’ve figured out how to rig up a broadband connection at the new Command Center using a couple of malnourished squirrels, a can of Pringles, and some chicken wire. In the meantime, take care!

I Get Comments: Avril Lavigne Edition

Posted on May 1, 2007

I’ve always maintained that my regular readers here at Apropos of Something are far cleverer than I, and one need look no further than the site’s comments section for proof of that claim. Every now and then, however, one of my entries finds itself near the top of Google’s results for some random search string, thus bringing in an entirely new demographic of commenters — i.e. the flotsam and jetsam of the Web. That’s when it’s time for an installment of “I Get Comments!”

What follows is a series of unedited comments posted on an entry about Avril Lavigne’s recent single, “Girlfriend” (with my own snarky commentary interjected). After several regular commenters expressed distaste for the song, the Google onslaught began:

I love this song and I hope that you will sell millions of copies of this song! — Cassie

Thanks, Cassie! I had so much fun recording this album, and I’m glad that you enjoyed it. By the way, my husband Deryck says, “Hi!” Rock on!

i love it it is probly the best song i hav heard well that is my opinion. — Leanne

I’m going to go out on a limb, Leanne, and guess that you live in a primitive society where an airplane carrying nothing but CDs by the Pussycat Dolls and Fergie — and a copy of the “Girlfriend” single — crashed a few months ago, thus exposing you to “popular” music for the first time in your life. If so, I’m sure Avril’s “Girlfriend” probably is the best song you’ve ever heard. Next!

fuck uz all its the best song ever !!!!!!!!!!!!! — lina

This may very well be the best comment I’ve ever read. “Fuck uz all!” is going to be my new catchphrase.

avril lavigne is so so cool i have a cd of hers it is so awesome i wish i knew avril lavigne would be so cool she would be my best friend ever my favorite song is girlfriend it is so sweet.aaaahhhh — justice

Careful, Justice. I used to think if I could only meet my favorite celebrity that we’d be BFFs, too. Now, all I have to show for it is a restraining order and the poster of Ricky Martin that hangs over my bed.

The best song EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! — Cheynell

I really need to set up a filter to weed out comments with more than ten exclamation points.

screw everyone who doesn’t like avril and the song “girl friend” She is the best person and that song rocks!I love the song sk8er boi to! who agrees with me on those comments? — sally

Good news, Sally! Our next commenter, “j dog” agrees with you one hundred percent.

hi it’s j dog again avril i am so sorry about poeple that don’t like you. you are the best ever. everybody can kiss my ass for all i care butthats only if you don’t like avril lavigne but i do — j dog

Of course, “j dog” posted his comment a mere ten minutes after Sally’s call to arms — and from the same IP address! What are the odds? Kudos for incorporating the word “butthats,” though.

are you really retirering avril??????If you are please dont! — ema

Don’t worry about me retiring, guys (and I pronounced that “aboot” since I’m totally Avril Lavigne). As long as the world wants faux-punk of the cute, prepackaged variety — and as long as there’s a clearance rack at Hot Topic — you can bet that I’ll keep churning out singles like “Girlfriend.” Thanks for listening! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go spit on some paparazzi. Peace out!

Pardon the small pieces of Web server scattered about

Posted on February 20, 2007

My apologies if Apropos of Something is running slowly — or not at all — today. It seems my entry on bald female celebrities has brought a server-crushing deluge of traffic to the site. So far, I’ve been Boing Boing’ed, Washington Post’ed, Salon’ed and, most intriguingly, GorillaMask’ed. The traffic shows no sign of stopping at the moment, but my server guru is on the case, cracking his whip on the small family of server gophers that powers the site and pleading earnestly with them to keep up the hard work until another celebrity does something stupid and draws the Web’s attention elsewhere. Toodles!

Another day, another theme

Posted on January 27, 2007

Well, the old school Apropos Man theme lasted all of what? Two days? Maybe three? I’ve been thinking about a new design for the past few weeks, and I finally got to work on it a few hours ago. The result should be staring you in the face right now. If not, I’ve broken Wordpress even worse than I thought.

I’ve always wanted to experiment with a single column design, and I think I like how things turned out. You can still find the category listing, search box, and syndication mumbo jumbo down in the footer. As for the archives and blogroll, they’ve moved to their own pages, accessible via the navigation bar up in the header.

As always, I appreciate any feedback — particularly if you find something that isn’t working. I’ve tested the site on Firefox and IE, but I’m sure there are still a few bugs lurking around somewhere.

Moving forward by looking back

Posted on January 23, 2007

It’s been one of those days where you look at your blog and think, “Wow, that’s an unpleasant shade of yellow! And who cares about robots? This site needs a superhero, accented with eye-searing shades of orange and red.” Then, you remember: I used to have a template that looked just like that. So, you roll your site back to its old template and everything seems right with the world.

Yeah, it’s been one of those days.

Back from Hawaii

Posted on November 10, 2006

Jess here…remember me? I’m finally back from a splendiferous trip to Hawaii (photos and stories forthcoming), and I wanted to thank Tracy, Patricia, Chris, Katie, and Matt for doing such a fantastic job guest blogging in my absence. You guys are the best ever.

Meanwhile, I’m way out of the loop with what’s been going on in the real world. Being in Hawaii for a week is like playing a game of pop culture Telephone. If I understand correctly, K-Fed is now Speaker of the House?

Regular blogging should resume once I sleep off the looooooong flight back to the mainland. G’night!

Aloha!

Posted on October 31, 2006

The day is finally here…we’re off to Hawaii! I’ll be away from the blog for the next several days, but fear not! I’ve lined up a coterie of guest bloggers to post in my absence. Some are familiar faces, and others are blogging here for the first time.

Let me introduce the crew:

• Starting at point guard, put your hands together for Tracy of Laugh it Up, Fuzzball! When she’s not taking erotic photos of fungi, she’s filling in on this week’s Lost-vivor. Maybe if we’re all very nice to her, she’ll even make a few additional posts while she’s here.
   
• At center, we have Kat Scratch Fever’s very own Katie! She led the league in blocked shots last season, and this marks her debut appearance at Apropos Square Garden. You know she’s good people, though, because she was kind enough to let me write a guest post on her blog on Free for All Friday last week. Plus, she’s not above messing with the employees at Jo-Ann Fabrics. Man, I hate that place.
   
• Stepping onto the court at power forward, ladies and gentlemen — Pea of As Deep as a Puddle After a Hard Rain. Allow me to cite an excerpt from the latest entry at Pea’s blog: “If you’re not supposed to stroke them at every chance you get, why put nipples on costumes?” I think that says it all, folks. Words to live by.
   

• At forward, hailing from the far reaches of frozen Canada, allow me to introduce Datadog and his Box of Mystery! You might remember him from his brilliant re-enactment of The Breakfast Club with hammerhead sharks, but I’m an even bigger fan of his twisted Ducktales cartoons. Quackaroonie, Uncle Scrooge!
   
• Rounding out our starting five, give a warm welcome to shooting guard “Miracle” Matt from Culture kills…wait, I mean cutlery. Currently, the front page of Matt’s blog features posts about zombies and video games, as well as a homemade comic strip. How could I not invite him to guest blog?

And that’s the all-star crew! Thanks again for covering for me, guys. I’ll turn the blog over to you now, and I’ll see you soon!

FYI

Posted on October 12, 2006

You’ve probably noticed that Apropos of Something’s server has experienced quite a bit of downtime in the past week. As a result, posting has been more a little more sporadic than usual. Our sysadmin is on the case, though, and everything should be sorted out soon.

My Ultimate Blog Post

Posted on September 11, 2006

Wired has an article up speculating about the ultimate blog posts at several popular blogs — hypothetical posts that would sum up exactly what an entire blog is all about in a single entry. For instance, the article suggests that Fark’s ultimate blog post might be, “Drunk frat boy in Florida has sex with underage donkey, sues Strong Bad for negligence. Still no cure for overused in-jokes.” In just that one fictional entry, you know you need to know about Fark.

My ultimate perfect blog post — the single post that would represent my blog’s content, its scope, and its aim — would likely be a review of the new movie Bat-Botanist and Captain Kirk vs. Darth Vader and Fedora-and-Pipe Guy. Of course, it would probably be a negative review since I don’t seem to like much of anything lately.

Hmm…this whole concept seems very meme-friendly.

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