Revenge of the Screen Name: A Play in One Act

Posted on September 15, 2008 @ 10:20 am

THE SCENE: A Borders bookstore at the local mall. JESS, a 31-year-old college professor and self-professed pop culture geek, stands in line to purchase a recently-released book on global warming. When he reaches the front of the line, he encounters CHECKOUT GIRL, a twentysomething woman running the register.

CHECKOUT GIRL: Are you a Rewards Club member, sir?
JESS: Yes, but I don’t have my membership card on me.
CHECKOUT GIRL: That’s not a problem; we can look it up. Can I have your phone number, please?
JESS: Sure. It’s 555-2368.
CHECKOUT GIRL: <clicking on her keyboard> Alright, there you are. Okay, just let me confirm the e-mail address. Are you…Mr. Decaf Jedi?
JESS: <looking over his shoulder at the crowd waiting in line behind him, many of whom are now snickering to themselves> Um, yeah. That’s me.
CHECKOUT GIRL: Is that short for something?
JESS: Decaffeinated Jedi. It’s just a silly Internet nickname from ten years ago.
CHECKOUT GIRL: I see. Well, your receipt is in the bag. Have a great day, Mr. Jedi!
JESS: Thanks.


Posted by Jess | Filed Under Life in a Nutshell |

8 comments so far...

  1. Datadog September 15, 2008 10:41 am

    You’ve just taken me back to the trauma of high school with kids yelling “Datadog” at me through the halls, and pronouncing it in the most retarded ways possible. Then you took me back to that one job interview where my potential employer inquired about what a “Macaroni Penguin” was.

    I guess a username is like a tattoo. It seemed like a good idea ten years ago.

  2. Geoff September 15, 2008 10:54 am

    Funny how “FlashMaster” always carried a bad connotation in public places …

  3. Adrianne September 15, 2008 12:12 pm

    Look on the bright side… least it wasn’t something like StudBoy69@aol!

  4. Michael September 15, 2008 1:33 pm

    Hah! Good story. Plenty of embarrassing things like that can get washed away, though, at the moment that cashier just happens to be one of your ex-students. One of the main reasons I don’t go shopping near where I teach.

  5. Mjomble September 15, 2008 2:01 pm

    Reminds me of the time I picked ‘mjomble’ as my user ID at the university.

  6. Fritz September 15, 2008 3:00 pm

    My former roommate is “wankmycrank” — I can’t wait for that one to come back and bite him.

    I’ve never used a screen name. I’ve always been just plain old Fritz from the early days of the Internet.

    Even my YouTube name is Fritz.

  7. Iain September 16, 2008 8:30 pm

    My mom (an english professor) had a student email her his assignments from the ever-popular “sexpanther.” She was pretty weirded out until I explained that it was a movie reference.

  8. Gaelic Gopher November 19, 2008 5:23 pm

    Hot, Flat and Crowded?

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