There are many copies…and they have a plan.

Posted on August 31, 2008

We know that Governor Palin supports offshore drilling and opposes same-sex marriage, but what’s her stance on the future of Human/Cylon relations?

via BURNLAB

Posted by Jess | Filed Under Geek, In the News, Pop Culture | 8 Comments

The Origin of Batman (As Told by a Packet of Bootleg Trading Cards)

Posted on August 26, 2008

I find it vaguely disturbing that Batman’s — er, make that Spiderman’s — modus operandi is to “stroke all criminal activates and criminals everywhere.”

via Scans Daily

Posted by Jess | Filed Under Geek, Pop Culture | 8 Comments

Man of Steel: The Superman Movie I Want to See

Posted on August 23, 2008

In the wake of The Dark Knight’s record-breaking box office haul, it’s no surprise that Warner Bros. has set ts sights on a complete reboot of the Superman movie franchise — more or less ignoring 2006’s disappointing Superman Returns.

My Superman reboot would take the franchise in a completely different direction. First up, I’d set the film in 1938, the year of Superman’s debut in Action Comics #1. Moreover, I’d use CGI to create a highly stylized Metropolis, evoking a retro pulp art aesthetic and harkening back to the Fleischer Superman cartoons from the 1940s. If you’ve seen Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, that’s very close to what I have in mind.

Lex Luthor would be the film’s villain — depicted here as a mad scientist who unleashes an army of giant robots on the unsuspecting citizens of Metropolis. Lois Lane is a tenacious reporter for the Daily Planet with a knack for finding herself in harm’s way. Meanwhile, Superman is something of a mystery — new to the scene, nobody knows where he came from or what he’s doing in Metropolis. I’d also scale back his powers a bit to bring them more in line with his early appearances (i.e. stronger than a locomotive, faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound). From there, the film basically writes itself: Superman smashes a few dozen robots, captures Lex Luthor, and rescues Lois Lane from certain doom.

Of course, I’m probably the only person on Earth who would want to see a retro Superman flick. As far as a more “box office friendly” reboot of the Superman franchise goes, I have a few suggestions after the jump.

Read more… or Read more right here… »

Completely forget the previous movies. Bryan Singer’s slavish devotion to the earlier Richard Donner films nearly sank Superman Returns. It’s time to go back to square one — recast and start from scratch. Oh, and for God’s sake — get rid of Lois and Superman’s love child.

Resist the temptation to make Superman a “dark” character. Grim and gritty works for Batman. For Superman? Not so much. Avoid playing up the whole Last Son of Krypton angle too much (i.e. Superman as the only one of his kind, alone on Earth). Superman isn’t some tortured soul in tights and a cape; he’s the superhero archetype. Save the deep inner turmoil for another character.

Find a new villain. Lex Luthor has already shown up in four of the five Superman film’s (and been played a bit too often as corny comic relief by both Gene Hackman and Kevin Spacey). It’s time for Superman to face a new villain. Brainiac seems like the most obvious choice, but I could see Doomsday or Darkseid making for interesting antagonists, as well.

Find an actress who can play Lois Lane as a smart, strong woman. This is at least one area where Margot Kidder outshone Superman Returns‘ Kate Bosworth. Lois should be a strong-willed, aggressive reporter who will do literally anything to get the story (and who can’t stand being scooped by a farmboy from Kansas). Moreover, she should be like a force of nature at the Daily Planet — recklessly ignoring Perry White’s orders, bossing around Jimmy Olsen, and calling Clark Kent “Smallville” whenever the opportunity arises.

Feature a cameo from Ma and Pa Kent. Just like Alfred keeps Batman grounded, Ma and Pa Kent are an important part of Superman’s life. I’d love to see them appear in a new Superman movie — either in a flashback or during a brief visit to Smallville.

I’m curious to hear how my readers would go about rebooting the Superman movie franchise. Casting ideas? Favorite villains? Major “do’s” and “don’ts” for bringing the Man of Steel back to the big screen? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section.

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Posted by Jess | Filed Under Geek, Pop Culture | 11 Comments

The Adventures of a Girl Who’s, Like, Totally Old Enough

Posted on August 21, 2008

A play in one act, inspired by my most recent trip to the movies.

Girl Who’s Obviously No Older Than 13: Two tickets for Tropic Thunder, please.

Box Office Worker: That will be fourteen dollars. And I’ll need to see your ID, please.

Girl Who’s Obviously No Older Than 13: My ID? Why?

Box Office Worker: It’s rated R. You need to be either 17 or be accompanied by an adult.

Girl Who’s Obviously No Older Than 13: Oh, well, I’m afraid I don’t have my ID with me today. [Turning to her friend, who's maybe 12, tops.] Do you have your ID with you?

Her Friend, Who’s Maybe 12, Tops: Um…no. Let’s just go see something else.

Girl Who’s Obviously No Older Than 13: I wish they would hurry up and mail me my new ID.

Box Office Worker: Who? Who do you wish would mail your new ID?

Girl Who’s Obviously No Older Than 13: Er…the state. Like, the DMV. I’m waiting for my new ID that says I’m 17.

Her Friend, Who’s Maybe 12, Tops: Let’s just get out of here, Katie.

Box Office Worker: Look, would you like to buy a ticket for another movie? There are people waiting.

Girl Who’s Obviously No Older Than 13: [Whispering to her Friend, loudly enough that anyone in a five-foot radius could easily hear.] Let’s just get a ticket to something else and then, like, sneak into Tropic Thunder. [To the Box Office Worker.] Yes, since my new ID hasn’t arrived yet, I believe I will buy two tickets for…Pineapple Express.

Box Office Worker: That’s rated R, too.

Girl Who’s Obviously No Older Than 13: Fine! Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, okay?

Box Office Worker: That’s two tickets for Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Enjoy your movie.

FIN.

Posted by Jess | Filed Under Random Musings | 9 Comments

“Star Wars: The Clone Wars” Review

Posted on August 18, 2008

I remember the exact moment that I completely lost faith in the Star Wars prequels. It was during the climactic arena battle in Attack of the Clones, while R2D2 dragged C-3PO’s detached head back to his gold-plated droid body. That’s when Threepio groaned, in his inimitable manner, “This is such a drag.” Get it? Drag? Oh, George — you’re such a kidder!

Over the past few years, however, my opinion on the prequel trilogy has softened considerably. I’ve steadily grown to appreciate the intricacies of Palpatine’s grand plot to overthrow the Republic, Ewan McGregor’s charming performance as Obi-Wan Kenobi, the understated menace of Christopher Lee’s Count Dooku, the spectacular lightsaber duels, the gorgeous special effects…I’ve even made peace with Jar Jar Binks (almost). No, the prequels aren’t perfect. No, they don’t live up to the Original Trilogy. Nevertheless, there are some pretty decent Star Wars moments lurking in Episodes I through III.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars is Lucas’ latest entry in the Star Wars saga, a CGI-animated flick set between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Essentially a theatrical pilot for the upcoming television series of the same name, The Clone Wars has been met with dismal reviews from critics and Star Wars fans alike. For instance, Linda Barnard of the Toronto Star raves, “Pretty much drives a stake into the heart of every loyal fan of the movies!”

Well, I’ve seen The Clone Wars…and it isn’t that bad. At least I didn’t think so. I’ll address some of the most common criticisms leveled at the film after the jump.

Read more… or Read more right here… »

Criticism: Ahsoka Tano is the most annoying character since Jar Jar.

Yes, Anakin Skywalker’s new padawan seems compelled to contribute a clever little quip after every line of dialogue and insists on referring to her master as “Skyguy.” Nevertheless, I found Ahsoka Tano to be a compelling and mostly likeable character. While we’ve seen female Jedi standing around in the background of previous Star Wars films, it’s about time one took center stage for a change. That being said, one can’t help but wonder if something bad is going to happen to Ahsoka sooner or later (considering she’s not seen in Episode III), thus pushing Anakin even closer to the Dark Side. For the time being, however, the brash Skywalker and inexperienced Tano make for a fun Jedi duo.

Criticism: The animation is cruddy.

I’m sure George Lucas would be the first to admit that The Clone Wars doesn’t boast Pixar-quality animation. The highly-stylized characters feel a bit lifeless at times, and their movement often appears jerky and unnatural. Moreover, certain character designs (e.g. Count Dooku) look better than others (e.g. Mace Windu). Even so, many of the action sequences in The Clone Wars are downright stunning. For example, the film opens with an intense ground battle that plays like something out of a sci-fi version of Saving Private Ryan, pitting a squad of clone troopers against an army of battle droids. The lightsaber battles are also definite highlights.

Criticism: The plot feels too episodic, like a television series.

I suspect this might have something to do with the fact that the movie is essentially the first three episodes of The Clone Wars series, combined to form a feature film. Lucas has been straightforward about this from the beginning, and honestly, it didn’t feel nearly as “chopped up” as I expected given the episodes’ theatrical repurposing.

Criticism: Ziro the Hutt is flamboyantly offensive/offensively flamboyant.

Imagine Original Trilogy baddie Jabba the Hutt. Now, imagine him talking just like Truman Capote. And wearing makeup. And a little peacock-feather headdress. Got it? Well, that’s Jabba’s uncle, Ziro the Hutt. Even if Ziro wasn’t quite as bad as some reviewers have made him out to be, I honestly have no idea what they were going for with this character.

Criticism: The storyline is inconsequential to the Star Wars saga as a whole.

That’s one of the challenges faced when you set out to tell Part Two-Point-Five of an already-completed six-part saga. We know none of the principle characters are going to die. We know there’s something vaguely sinister about that Chancellor Palpatine guy. We know there isn’t going to be a new love interest in Anakin Skywalker’s life. That being said, I thought the quest to secure the Hutt clan’s support in the war effort felt urgent enough to move the story along.

Criticism: It’s a stupid kids’ movie.

Just because a movie features a baby slug named Stinky the Hutt, that doesn’t mean it’s aimed at kids. Okay, maybe it does. That doesn’t mean it can’t still be fun, though.

Maybe it’s just me, but The Clone Wars didn’t seem like the franchise-killing train wreck so many reviewers and fans have made it out to be. Despite a few missteps (I’m looking at you, Ziro), the film offers high-impact action sequences along with some genuinely fun character moments that tap into that undeniable Star Wars charm. Furthermore, Sith apprentice Asajj Ventress is a darkly captivating villain who makes the most of her limited screen time, Christopher Lee once again strikes all the right chords as Dooku, and the actors providing the voices for Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padmé turn in solid performances.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars may not measure up to Genndy Tartakovsky’s similarly-titled Star Wars: Clone Wars animated series from a few years back (much less the best moments of the Original Trilogy), but it’s a decent enough movie in a post-prequel world. If nothing else, it has me looking forward to the debut of the television series later this Fall…which, I suppose, was the entire point of the film in the first place.

The verdict: B-

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Posted by Jess | Filed Under Geek, Pop Culture | 9 Comments

Do you take this…lobster-type thing to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Posted on August 17, 2008

Sometimes, seeing photos of another couple’s wedding makes me want to run out, book a venue, and renew my own vows. Case in point:

Just so we’re all on the same page here, that’s Admiral Ackbar of the Mon Calamari getting married to Rebel leader Mon Mothma. With Slave Girl Leia presiding. More details here.

Speaking of Star Wars, I should have my review of The Clone Wars posted tomorrow.

Posted by Jess | Filed Under Geek, Pop Culture | 8 Comments

Apropos of Something: A year older, none the wiser

Posted on August 8, 2008

Woohoo! Today marks the fifth anniversary of Apropos of Something’s glorious launch, and I wanted to invite everyone out there in Internet Land to join me in quaffing the celebratory beverage of your choice (as long as it’s not Mountain Dew).

As the site’s banner proudly proclaims, I’ve been dispensing two-fisted justice here at Ye Olde Blog since 2003 — primarily in the form of movie reviews, geeky countdowns, remixed comic book panels, and overly-elaborate TV show recaps. Even scarier, I just realized this morning that I’ve been consistently publishing on the Internet in one form or another (webzines, fansites, blogs) for the past thirteen years. Just imagine what a more socially responsible individual could have accomplished during that same amount of time!

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone who’s followed the site through the years. When I started blogging back in ‘03, I never imagined anyone would be interested in reading my inane ramblings. You guys make it fun, and I appreciate that you’ve stuck around — even through my brief infatuation with blogging about Britney Spears back in ‘07.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m heading off on vacation for the next few days. Regular posting will resume soon. Arrivederci!

Posted by Jess | Filed Under Blickity-Blog | 9 Comments

Hello Kitty Contact Lenses

Posted on August 7, 2008

Hello Kitty will swallow your soul.

(via TokyoMango)

Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 3 Comments

Ten Reasons Why the Clone Wars Series is Going to Rule

Posted on August 5, 2008

Ten Reasons Why the Clone Wars TV Series is Going to Rule. I’ll admit that I’m cautiously optimistic.

Posted by Jess | Filed Under Asides | 2 Comments

My Top Ten Films of 2008 (so far)

Posted on August 5, 2008

EVE With the summer blockbuster season drawing to a close, this seems like an opportune time to look back at my ten favorite films released so far this year.

10. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian — While I’ve always adored the plot and characters of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, the somewhat darker tone of Prince Caspian was a welcome departure for the franchise.

9. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull — I didn’t hate Indy’s latest adventure, but how depressing is it that Kingdom of the Crystal Skull barely cracks my top ten?

8. Get Smart — A much better film than I ever would have expected. It was a treat to seeing Steve Carrell and Anne Hathaway make Agents 86 and 99 their own rather than attempting to precisely replicate the tone of the classic television series.

7. The Incredible Hulk — A marked improvement over Ang Lee’s 2003 snoozer. It’s too bad that such an engrossing flick got lost in the shuffle amidst this summer’s instant superhero classics, Iron Man and The Dark Knight.

6. Hellboy II: The Golden Army — This sequel not only boasts a more compelling storyline than the previous film, but it also affords director Guillermo del Toro the opportunity to let his imagination run wild in crafting the bizarre, phantasmagorical monsters faced by Hellboy and company. Plus, Ron Perlman is about seventeen different kinds of awesome in the title role.

5. Cloverfield — It seems like ages since J. J. Abrams’ shaky-cam giant monster flick crashed into theaters, but the film’s visceral “you-are-there” action sequences still leave a strong impression months after its release.

4. WALL-E — Yes, I’m a total sucker for the WALL-E/EVE robo-love story. I’m not sure how Pixar has managed to assemble their team of the very best visual storytellers in the business, but it certainly pays off big time here.

3. Sex and the City: The Movie — I honestly couldn’t imagine a better film adaption of the HBO series. In fact, it’s one of the very few comedies I’ve actually enjoyed this year.

2. Iron Man — Without question, Robert Downey Jr. was the perfect choice to play billionaire industrialist Tony Stark. Throw in an intelligently reimagined origin story, amazing special effects, and solid performances from Jeff Bridges and Gwyneth Paltrow, and you have a recipe for one of the greatest superhero flicks of all time.

1. The Dark Knight — I’ve already raved about The Dark Knight enough here at Apropos of Something in recent weeks. Suffice it to say that it’s going to take one hell of a movie to knock Batman off the top spot by year’s end.

Although the summer is winding down, there are still plenty of flicks I’m looking forward to in 2008, including Pineapple Express (August 6), Tropic Thunder (August 15), Star Wars: The Clone Wars (August 15), Hamlet 2 (August 22), Burn After Reading (September 12), Zack and Miri Make a Porno (October 31), Quantum of Solace (November 7), and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (November 21).

What are your favorite films of 2008 so far, and what releases are you still anticipating?

Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 7 Comments

“Help! My house smells too delightful!” (Intervention)

Posted on August 4, 2008

I’m afraid my obsession with scented candles has finally spiraled out of control. The tipping point may very well have been this phone call I received yesterday.

Me: Hello.

Mark: Hi! This is Mark from Yankee Candle. May I speak with Jess, please?

Me: This is Jess.

Mark: Oh. <slight pause> Hi, Jess! I just wanted to call and let you know that Yankee Candle will be debuting its new autumn fragrances in a few weeks. We’re throwing an in-store party to celebrate, and since you’re a frequent customer here at Yankee Candle, I wanted to invite you to join us.

Me: Uh…okay. Thanks.

Mark: Great! Hope to see you there!

I think it’s safe to assume that Mark’s conversational pause was due to his surprise that, of all the “frequent customers” he’d been asked to call, I was the first one who turned out to be a dude. And with such a misleading name, too!

Nevertheless, the call speaks to a deeper problem — my aforementioned obsession with scented candles. In response to the escalating nature of the situation, I’m officially declaring a personal six-month moratorium on all candle purchases. For the next six months, I won’t buy any new candles and will only burn existing candles from my (admittedly substantial) stockpile. That’s unless somebody gives me a Yankee Candle gift card for Christmas — you know, because then it would be rude not to spend it.

Hmm…so, what does one wear to a candle-sniffing party?

Posted by Jess | Filed Under Life in a Nutshell | 8 Comments

King’s Quest XXXXVIII: Quest for Disk Space

Posted on August 2, 2008

A YouTube channel full of rare promotional clips, demos, and behind-the-scenes videos featuring such Sierra On-Line adventure game classics as King’s Quest, Space Quest, and Leisure Suit Larry.

There are many copies…and they have a plan.

The Origin of Batman (As Told by a Packet of Bootleg Trading Cards)

Man of Steel: The Superman Movie I Want to See

The Adventures of a Girl Who’s, Like, Totally Old Enough

“Star Wars: The Clone Wars” Review

Do you take this…lobster-type thing to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Apropos of Something: A year older, none the wiser

Hello Kitty Contact Lenses

Ten Reasons Why the Clone Wars Series is Going to Rule

My Top Ten Films of 2008 (so far)

“Help! My house smells too delightful!” (Intervention)

King’s Quest XXXXVIII: Quest for Disk Space

Bowser’s Minions

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