Review: “The X-Files: I Want to Believe”
Posted on July 31, 2008

What I liked about X-Files: I Want to Believe…
• The Mulder/Scully Chemistry: David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson always brought an oddly compelling chemistry to their roles, and it’s still alive and well fifteen years after The X-Files first premiered on television.
• The Standalone Storyline: Kudos to series creator Chris Carter for pursuing a standalone plot rather than relying on the convoluted mythology of the series (long forgotten by all but the most dedicated X-Philes).
• It Was Creepy: Always a plus when it comes to the X-Files.
• Amanda Peet: I’ve been an Amanda Peet fan ever since the criminally underrated Saving Silverman, and I enjoyed seeing her pop up here as the FBI agent who enlists Mulder and Scully’s services. That being said, I couldn’t help but wonder if she and Xzibit were stand-ins for Agents Doggett and Reyes from the show’s later seasons.
What I didn’t like about X-Files: I Want to Believe…
• Mulder and Scully’s Ambiguous Relationship: Yes, the show was always evasive when it came to pinning down the status of Mulder and Scully’s relationship, but I Want to Believe seems to go out of its way to make the whole thing as confusing as possible — especially for casual viewers who barely remember where the series left off back in 2002. Oh, and their son William? Written out completely.
• The Jokes That Fell Flat: I Want to Believe tries its best to get a few laughs out of a former priest who was defrocked due to charges of pedophilia, and it comes across just as awkwardly as you might expect. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to figure out what Chris Carter was going for when the camera lingers for a few moments on portraits of J. Edgar Hoover and George W. Bush hanging in FBI headquarters while we hear the familiar opening notes of Mark Snow’s X-Files theme playing ominously in the background.
• The Low Stakes: After nine seasons of aliens, government conspiracies, super soldiers, and evil bees, I Want to Believe’s plot feels a little mundane in comparison. I won’t spoil the plot here, but I’m pretty sure they lifted it directly from Sensational She-Hulk #3.
• Scully is a Magical Doctor: The series portrayed Scully primarily as a forensic pathologist, but all the sudden she’s performing highly experimental neurosurgery in I Want to Believe. I guess she’s one of those magical “omni-doctors” from television and the movies who specializes in everything. Oh, and what does Dr. Scully do when she needs to do some research on stem cell therapy? The same thing any Stanford-graduated physician would do — she Googles it.
• The Post-Credit Scene: Be sure to stick around after the credits to see a downright mortifying bit of fan service.
X-Files: I Want to Believe wasn’t nearly as bad as many reviewers made it out to be, but it was still underwhelming in the sense that it didn’t live up to many of the series’ most fondly remembered episodes. In turn, I can’t help but wonder, why now? Why this project? Six years after the television series ended and ten years after the first X-Files movie, what was it about I Want to Believe that compelled Anderson and Duchovny to return to the roles that made them famous in the first place? Now, that’s a mystery worth investigating.
The verdict: B-
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 2 Comments
Begun, the Clone Wars Have
Posted on July 29, 2008
Watch four minutes of uncut footage from the upcoming Star Wars: The Clone Wars theatrical release.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Asides | 3 Comments
Telephonic invasion
Posted on July 29, 2008
As I’ve mentioned before, my wife and I are among the few remaining people on Earth who don’t own a cell phone. In fact, at last count, I believe it’s down to us, a handful of off-the-grid survivalists in Montana, and a stubborn Kalahari Bushman named O’wa.
I realize that it’s a little out of the ordinary for a iPod-toting, blog-authoring technogeek like myself not to own a cell phone, but it occurred to me the other day that I barely even use our landline. I often go four or five days at a time without speaking to another human being over the phone. Apparently, my beef isn’t with cell phones, per se; it’s with the entire concept of telephonic communication.
If I had a time machine, I’d probably travel back to 1876 and punch Alexander Graham Bell in his smug, beardy face. Then, while I was there, I’d do whatever I could to prevent Colorado’s admission to the Union (but that’s an altogether different story).
To recap, I’m not just a Luddite. I’m actually an antisocial, unpopular Luddite. With a grudge against Alexander Graham Bell. And Colorado. Just so we’re clear.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Random Musings | 12 Comments
Review: “Step Brothers”
Posted on July 28, 2008

If you’ve ever secretly yearned to see John C. Reilly wear a Chewbacca mask or watch Will Ferrell teabag a drum kit, this is the movie for you!
The verdict: C-
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 4 Comments
Antelope versus Giant Electro-Butterfly
Posted on July 28, 2008

Antelope versus Giant Electro-Butterfly
Images Thrown Together in Five Minutes Using Paint Shop Pro
Part Two in a One-Part Series
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Random Musings | 4 Comments
Friday Shuffle: Name That Tune!
Posted on July 25, 2008
It’s been awhile, but who’s in the mood for a little Friday Shuffle? I’ve posted a new batch of lyrics from the first fifteen songs to play when I put my iPod on shuffle this morning. Let’s see how many artists and song titles you can identify in the comments. I’ll gray out each lyric once it’s been correctly guessed.
- Cheated by the opposite of love. Held on high from up up up above. — Yeah Yeah Yeahs, “Cheated Hearts” (amber)
- It can’t all be wedding cake. It can’t all be boiled away. I try but I can’t let go of it, can’t let go of it. — Spoon, “The Underdog” (Brandon)
- Damn they don’t make ‘em like this anymore. I ask, ’cause I’m not sure. Do anybody make real shit anymore? — Kanye West, “Stronger” (pea)
- My rhymes are so potent that, in this small segment, I made all of the ladies in the area pregnant. — Flight of the Conchords, “Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros” (callmekelly and Thud)
- Glitter on the mattress. Glitter on the highway. Glitter on the front porch. Glitter on the hallway. — B-52’s, “Love Shack” (Leah)
- God that was strange to see you again, introduced by a friend of a friend. Smiled and said, “Yes, I think we’ve met before.” In that instant, it started to pour. — Stars, “Your Ex-Lover is Dead” (Kara)
- Why don’t you sit right down and stay a while? We like the same things, and I like your style. — She & Him, “Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?” (SamuraiFrog)
- So, you say you wanna talk? Let’s talk. If you won’t talk, I’ll walk. Yeah, it’s like that. — Pink, “There You Go” (jess)
- It was in the early morning hours when I fell into a phone call. Believing I had supernatural powers, I slammed into a brick wall. — Paul Simon, “Gumboots” (Thud and Thom)
- But you can wake up younger, under the knife. And you can wake up sounder if you get analyzed. And I better wake up. There but for the grace of God go I. — Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins, “Rise Up With Fists!!” (Matthew E)
- Well, my heart knows me better than I know myself, so I’m gonna let it do all the talking. — KT Tunstall, “Black Horse and the Cherry Tree” (Yeyo)
- Build a wall of books between us in our bed. Repeat, repeat the words that I know we both said. Relax into the need, we get so comfortable. Remember when I was so strange and likeable? — Tegan and Sara, “Back in Your Head” (Adrianne)
- I ain’t freakin’, I ain’t fakin’ this. — The Ting Tings, “Shut Up and Let Me Go” (Thom and Brandon)
- I tried to keep her on a short leash. I tried to calm her down. I tried to ram her into the ground, yeah. — Veruca Salt, “Seether” (Brendan)
- This was a triumph. I’m making a note here: “Huge success!” It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction. — GLaDOS, “Still Alive” (Yeyo)
Good luck!
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 28 Comments
George Lucas in Carbonite
Posted on July 24, 2008
George Lucas frozen in carbonite (presumably for the prequel trilogy’s crimes against American cinema). His plaid shirt and pompadour seem to have held up surprisingly well to the carbon freezing process.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Asides | Leave a Comment
Which Bat-villain should star in a “Dark Knight” sequel?
Posted on July 22, 2008
As we all know, the success of any superhero flick has as much to do with the villains as the good guys. So, with The Dark Knight setting box office records around the world, which of his many foes should Batman face off against in the inevitable follow-up? Let’s take a look at the Caped Crusader’s rogues gallery and get an idea of which characters might work in a Dark Knight sequel…and which characters might not. Feel free to offer your picks (as well as casting ideas) in the comments section.
Warning: Minor spoilers for The Dark Knight ahead!
Catwoman
Why she’s the right choice: After seeing The Dark Knight, I can only assume that any sequel will need a new female lead. Who better than Selina Kyle, a.k.a. Catwoman, to fill that role? She’s one of Batman’s oldest and most established foes — not to mention a potential love interest for the Caped Crusader.
Except: Scriptwriter David Goyer expressed a lack of enthusiasm about Catwoman in some pre-Dark Knight interviews. Plus, with Halle Berry’s Catwoman debacle still fresh in moviegoers’ minds, will Warner Bros. be interested in going down that road again so soon?
Hugo Strange
Why he’s the right choice: In the comics, Hugo Strange was one of Batman’s first recurring villains (predating, in fact, every other character on this list). I’d argue there’s potential in a movie version of Strange based on his portrayal as Arkham Asylum’s Batman-obsessed Chief Psychologist in The Batman. In past stories, Hugo Strange has used his training as a psychologist to deduce Batman’s secret identity, which would certainly raise the stakes in a Dark Knight sequel.
Except: Compared to many characters on this list, Hugo Strange is perhaps too unfamiliar to casual fans. That being said, Ra’s al Ghul was fairly obscure, too — until he appeared in Batman Begins.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 29 Comments
The Dark Knight: Best Superhero Movie Ever?
Posted on July 21, 2008
Warning: Minor Spoilers Ahead!
Is Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight the best superhero film of all time? I’ve mulled it over since seeing the movie on Saturday, and I’m inclined to say “yes.” Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker is just as devilishly brilliant as all the critics have said — if not better. Oh, and Aaron Eckhart is no slouch either, bringing genuine pathos to the role of Harvey Dent. Everything just falls into place in The Dark Knight. Even Maggie Gyllenhaal is a significant upgrade over Katie Holmes in the role of Rachel Dawes; too bad she ends up the latest victim of the Women in Refrigerators Syndrome.
My only gripe? There were a few scenes where Christian Bale’s raspy “I’m Batman!” voice went so far over the top that it became unintentionally hilarious. Could someone please get that man a throat lozenge?
So, I’ve written about my favorite superhero movies before, but here’s my updated list…
My Top Ten Favorite Superhero Movies:
9. X-Men
8. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm
7. X2: X-Men United
6. Spider-Man
5. The Incredibles
4. Spider-Man 2
3. Batman Begins
2. Iron Man
1. The Dark Knight
What did you think of The Dark Knight? Does it rank among your favorite superhero flicks?
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 18 Comments
First Official Cast Photos: Star Trek XI
Posted on July 19, 2008

Clockwise from the upper left, that’s Eric Bana as Nero, Zoë Saldana as Uhura, Chris Pine as Kirk, and Zachary Quinto as Mr. Spock. TrekMovie.com has more details about the exclusive Star Trek posters debuting at next week’s Comic Con in San Diego; high-res wallpapers are available at the film’s official website.
Okay, I’m officially getting psyched. Is it 2009 yet?
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 4 Comments
What’s the most embarrassing song on your iPod?
Posted on July 18, 2008
What’s the most embarrassing song on my iPod? So many worthy contenders…
I’m extending a free pass to anything by the Monkees or Neil Diamond, because both acts are kinda awesome (in spite of their cheesiness). Yes, I’ll cop to having an Ashlee Simpson song on my iPod (the Timbaland-produced “Outta My Head”), as well as Avril Lavigne’s insipid “Girlfriend.” Oh, and I’m not ashamed of Digital Underground’s “The Humpty Dance,” Shakira’s’ “Whenever, Wherever,” or Justin Timberlake’s “Rock Your Body.” Well, not too ashamed.
No, the worst song on my iPod is also quite possibly the worst song in human history: “My Humps.” Yes, I actually paid 99¢ to download this disturbing ode to Fergie’s “lovely lady lumps” from the iTunes store. Why? I had an iTunes gift card, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. According to iTunes, I’ve listened to the song 28 times so far. Let’s see…if my IQ drops by approximately one point every time I hear “My Humps,” I should be able to continue functioning for at least another week or two.
Sure, there’s plenty of decent music on my iPod from artists like the Beatles, Sufjan Stevens, Belle and Sebastian, Rilo Kiley, Bob Dylan, Feist, the White Stripes, Nellie McKay, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Paul Simon, Radiohead, and the Shins. But, “My Humps” is on there; I can’t pretend it’s not. What does that say about me? I’m not sure I want to know.
So, what’s the worst song in your music collection? Go ahead and share; there’s plenty of catharsis to go around!
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 14 Comments
The Clown Prince of Crime
Posted on July 15, 2008

Just a few more days until The Dark Knight…
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 4 Comments
The Darrin Effect
Posted on July 14, 2008
The Darrin Effect: twenty jarring cases of recast television and film roles. Includes dueling Dumbledores, a coterie of Catwomen, and Sarah Chalke as Roseanne’s fake Becky.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Asides | 2 Comments
Battle of the Sexy Inferno Gauntlets
Posted on July 11, 2008
You know, MTV’s trailer for the upcoming season of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge — apparently a shameless Survivor ripoff this time around — actually has me a little psyched. As usual, my love of awful television knows no bounds. Besides, the Lord of the Flies setting probably presents our best chance yet to see one of these reality show has-beens maimed and/or killed in action.
Gee, melodramatic much?
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 4 Comments
Review: “Hancock”
Posted on July 10, 2008

Sandwiched between comic book features like Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, and the upcoming Dark Knight, I can’t help but think this was simply the wrong summer to release Hancock. A film that, at a more opportune time, might have been a mildly entertaining — if uneven — deconstruction of the superhero genre instead comes off as a mediocre also-ran in a summer already packed with superhuman do-good freaks.
Will Smith and Jason Bateman serve up exactly the performances you’d expect to see as a down-on-his-luck, alcoholic superhero and his self-appointed PR guy, respectively. Mind you, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Smith and Bateman certainly acquit themselves well in these roles, but if you’ve seen the previews for Hancock, you’ll know precisely what to expect from the first half of the movie. The film’s second half, on the other hand, offers a “shocking” twist that’s clumsily telegraphed by director Peter Berg well in advance of the big reveal. From there, Hancock stumbles along toward to a muddled, anticlimactic finale.
Hancock isn’t all bad. In fact, the premise of a troubled, reluctant superhero is quite compelling. It just doesn’t measure up to the high standards set by other recent movies in the genre. In turn, something tells me that Hancock’s best attempt at a catchphrase — an invitation to “call me asshole, one more time” — isn’t going to replace “with great power comes responsibility” anytime soon.
The verdict: C-
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 6 Comments
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