Welcome to the neighborhood…prepare to die!
Posted on June 18, 2007 @ 11:55 pm
So, I was out for a stroll in my new neighborhood this evening when I happened upon a rather curious gentleman. He appeared to be in his late fifties and was dressed in black from head to toe — black suit, black dress shirt, black tie, shiny black shoes. Curiouser still, this unusual chap was carefully adjusting a pair of black leather gloves while surveying with furrowed brow a nearby house. Mind you, it’s nearly 90 degrees outside. Yet, Mr. All-in-Black is wearing gloves. Like he’s concerned about — oh, I don’t know — fingerprints?
Call me paranoid, but as far as I’m concerned, that whole scenario basically screams, “Hey, look at me! I’m a hitman!”
Oh, I almost forgot the best part. His dark ensemble was topped off with a black fedora. Longtime readers may recall my bitter, months-long struggle against a certain Fedora-and-Pipe Guy. It seems only reasonable to assume that the two are somehow connected. Perhaps members of an secret underground fedora society? Maybe bent on world conquest? Or eliminating a certain blogger who knows too much?
The plot thickens.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Life in a Nutshell |
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If I were you, I’d never sleep again, just to be sure.
well, he’s an awful hitman then. i mean, it’s not like i’ve gotten my non-gloved hands on the hitman’s handbook but shouldn’t one of the rules be that a person should only see your face seconds before he/she taks a last breath? otherwise, that’s just shoddy work. that’s all i’m saying.
Hey, nothing wrong with fedoras.
@Patricia: Well, I do live on the outskirts of civilization now. It’s probably expensive to get a decent hitman out here.
@Chris: You’re in league with them, aren’t you? Who are you working for?! </bauer>
I wish I could pull off fedoras (or any hat for that matter), but inevitably I look like a little kid dressing daddy’s clothes.
Seriously though, I think our society crumbled a bit when hats stopped being standard. And I’m NOT talking about trucker’s caps or baseball caps worn at a jaunty angle.
Getting whacked by someone in a fedora should be a standard euthanasia package… seriously, if I had to go out, that’s how’d I’d want it. It would class up my death.
I’m pretty sure “Call be paranoid” should be “Call me paranoid”
Don’t worry about me, though. I figure being a (Grammar) Nazi makes me a sworn enemy of any Fedora-wearing individual.
@Tiki: Oops! My bad. Sadly, that typo wasn’t in the original post. I managed to add it during an edit. Or un-edit as the case may be.
Hm, well if he wasn’t tall, bald, and had a barcode tattoo on the back of his head then I figure you’re safe.
@Nick: Ah, the Hitman series. I absolutely loved Hitman: Blood Money. The Mardi Gras level was pure brilliance.
haha. Get out while you still can!
Was he a MIB? Has there been suspicious UFO activity in your area? Isn’t all UFO activity suspicious?
@Greg: Come to think of it, he did look a little like Tommy Lee Jones. Only crustier. If that’s possible.