Eight Women Who Look Better Bald Than Britney

Posted on February 19, 2007 @ 1:01 pm

By now, I’m sure we’ve all seen the photos of Britney Spears with her newly shaven head. Amidst all the speculation about whether Britney is in the middle of a full-scale mental breakdown and if her career can recover from this latest tabloid bonanza, one thing is certain: Britney just doesn’t look that good bald. Her head isn’t all that pleasingly shaped, and her facial features lack the definition necessary to make the bald look really work for her. At best, Britney is a 2 out of 10 on the female Bald-o-meter.

That being said, here’s a quick guide to eight women who look better bald than Britney. Let me know in the comments if I left anybody out.

Persis Khambatta

Why she shaved her head: Persis adopted the Kojak look to play Lieutenant Ilia, the Enterprise’s Deltan navigator, in Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

Why she looks better bald than Britney: According to Star Trek: The Motion Picture, the bald Deltan race is so highly sexual that Starfleet requires them to take an oath of celibacy before joining. Otherwise, as Ilia demonstrates, they can prove too distracting to fellow officers. Plus, Ilia had that cool reverb effect on her voice after she was abducted and replaced by V’ger. Britney is known for working with voice filters, too, but they mostly just result in breathy, atonal “bay-beh, bay-beh” sounds.

Bald-o-meter: 9/10

Persis Khambatta

Sigourney Weaver

Why she shaved her head: Sigourney went bald for Alien³  when her escape pod crashed on the lice-infested penal colony of Fiorina 161.

Why she looks better bald than Britney: By the third Alien flick, Ripley was a total bad ass, and Sigourney’s shaved head definitely reflected that transition. Also, to her credit, at least the creature growing inside Ripley in Alien³  wasn’t spawned by Kevin Federline.

Bald-o-meter: 6/10

Sigourney Weaver

Sinead O’Connor

Why she shaved her head: Why does Sinead do anything? You tell me.

Why she looks better bald than Britney: If you take away the craziness, the controversy, and pretty much every song other than “Nothing Compares 2 U,” Sinead O’Connor is actually kinda cute. While Sinead took some ribbing for her shaved head when she first burst onto the scene in 1990, the look has become her trademark. You know, that and ripping up pictures of the Pope. Hmm…maybe it’s time for Britney to strike while the iron is hot and cover “Nothing Compares 2 U.”

Bald-o-meter: 7/10

Sinead O’Connor

Demi Moore

Why she shaved her head: Demi received her buzz cut while portraying the first woman to undergo Navy SEAL training in 1997’s G.I. Jane.

Why she looks better bald than Britney: Remember Demi busting out those one-handed push-ups in G.I. Jane? Eat your heart out, Jack Palance! What’s that…Jack Palance passed away? Oh. Sorry. Anyway, Demi gets ass-kicking cred for her awesome crew cut, and just look at her today…happily married to Ashton Kutcher. Wait — is that better or worse than being divorced from Kevin Federline? I’m confused.

Bald-o-meter: 6/10

Demi Moore

Robin Tunney

Why she shaved her head: Her character Debra in Empire Records was tired of being invisible, so she broke out the clippers and increased her visibility.

Why she looks better bald than Britney: Well, it was the 1990s and Empire Records really managed to capture the spirit of the times — at least for all the disaffected, alterna-rock loving teens out there. At the time, Robin shaving her head seemed like the ultimate expression of “f–k the man” rebellion. If this were 1994, maybe Britney could reinvent herself as a Ani DiFranco rocker in the wake of her head-shaving. Unfortunately, it’s 2007, and Britney is still about three tattoos short of P!nk on the hardcore punk chick scale.

Bald-o-meter: 7/10

Robin Tunney

Kylie Minogue

Why she shaved her head: Sadly, Kylie was diagnosed with breast cancer in mid-2005. She debuted her close-cropped look a few months later following chemotherapy.

Why she looks better bald than Britney: Come on — just look at that picture to the right. Kylie is absolutely adorable! The good news is that she’s feeling healthy again and is back to performing around the world. Sorry, Brit — you never stood a chance against Australia’s favorite pop diva.

Bald-o-meter: 10/10

Kylie Minogue

Natalie Portman

Why she shaved her head: Natalie shocked Star Wars fanboys around the world when she shed her locks to play aspiring terrorist Evey Hammond in 2006’s V for Vendetta.

Why she looks better bald than Britney: Well, not too long after shaving her head, Natalie embarked on a side career as a hardcore rapper. Somehow, I doubt Britney could pull that off.

Bald-o-meter: 8/10

Natalie Portman

Jane Curtin

Why she shaved her head: Okay, Jane didn’t actually shave her head for 1993’s Coneheads. You have to admit, though, that’s one heck of a bald cap.

Why she looks better bald than Britney: There’s just something sexy about French women. Meanwhile, can’t you just imagine Britney inhaling an entire bag of Cheetos Coneheads-style?

Bald-o-meter: 5/10

Jane Curtain

This entry shameless cross posted at humor-blogs.com

Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture |

105 comments so far...

  1. Jonathan Foofah February 19, 2007 2:32 pm

    It’s spelled “Jane Curtin”

  2. Jess February 19, 2007 2:34 pm

    Oops! Thanks for the heads-up. It’s fixed now.

  3. joshua Apkin February 19, 2007 3:11 pm

    I’d say being married to Ashton Kutcher is better than K-Fed. At least Ashton is funny every once in a while.

  4. eRowdy February 19, 2007 3:17 pm

    You Left out the most beautiful Bald Headed female ever.

    Belladonna

  5. Chandler February 19, 2007 3:24 pm

    uh, you can’t make a list of girls with shaved heads without including samantha morton. haven’t you seen minority report? hello?

  6. Fuzzball February 19, 2007 3:36 pm

    You are officially my hero.

  7. SNOW WHITE February 19, 2007 4:23 pm

    Yeah Demi Moore is so much hotter than Britney and like twice her age.

  8. Jester February 19, 2007 5:07 pm

    You also left out Melissa Etheridge who debuted her stunning bald head post cancer at the grammys last year.

  9. Bossman February 19, 2007 6:09 pm

    I second the vote for Belladonna, this girl is crazy hot with a bald head!
    http://www.myspace.com/enterbelladonna

  10. fluffy February 19, 2007 6:13 pm

    Natale Portman - V for Vendetta anyone?

  11. Gregory February 19, 2007 7:31 pm

    Brilliant!

  12. Jess February 19, 2007 7:36 pm

    Fuzzball and Gregory: Thanks for the kind words, y’all!

  13. Diesel February 19, 2007 8:52 pm

    Excellent. I agree with your assessments.

  14. Daniel Louden February 19, 2007 11:24 pm

    Thank god for some Robin Tunney love up in here. I’ve actually made the argument that she is far more attractive Sans hair than most women Avec hair.

  15. silarius February 19, 2007 11:40 pm

    Shinehead, as I o-so-cleverly call her, is more than just ‘kinda cute’ :)

    Fans of Robin Tunney’s looks would do well to check out the otherwise dismal “Supernova.”

    Belladonna is no joke!

  16. sponkos February 20, 2007 12:53 am

    Bull from night court looks better than britney

  17. rg3 February 20, 2007 1:26 am

    Maggie McOmie from THX 1138

  18. Boing Boing February 20, 2007 1:38 am

    List of bald-headed babes who are not named “Britney Spears”…

    Apparently, some chick drove to Tarzana and shaved her head this weekend. In doing so, she joins an exclusive circle of chrome-domed beauties: Link. Think of them as the gender and hairdo opposite of the Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists…….

  19. freepz February 20, 2007 1:40 am

    YOU FORGOT ELIA FROM TOP CHEF!!! jeez, how COULD you

  20. booker February 20, 2007 3:07 am

    did you guys sign that petition to have britney spears hung because she shaved her head? i think it was started by amnesty international or nancy grace or whatever. anyway, this is big news!

  21. jennhi February 20, 2007 4:03 am

    Don’t forget Virginia Hey who shaved her head for Farscape.

  22. Listerate February 20, 2007 4:35 am

    Trackback: More Britney Baldness Bashing…

  23. Jack February 20, 2007 4:42 am

    Elton John?

  24. MarkEMark February 20, 2007 4:46 am

    Second Virginia Hey. 10/10

  25. BruceR February 20, 2007 5:14 am

    Ambassador Delenn from Babylon 5, and Skin from Skunk Anansie. Both better than Britney. But at least I’ll be able to tell Britney from all the other plastic pop stars now.

  26. gbc February 20, 2007 5:45 am

    Don’t forget Skin (http://www.skinmusic.net) ex-lead singer from Skunk Anansie!

  27. DutchBitch February 20, 2007 6:20 am

    Bwahahahaahahaha, you are right. Even Jane Curtin (did I spell that right?) looks better than she does!

  28. EmptySet February 20, 2007 6:21 am

    Kids these days are idiots. Sinead “burst onto the scene” earlier than 1990. And, she sang a lot more songs than Nothing Compares 2 U.

    Also, can’t believe you left out Annie Lennox. Zowie.

  29. Hey, you! · Something to think about February 20, 2007 7:21 am

    [...] It should be a busy day, so here’s a little something to tide you over until I can think of anything better to write: Eight Women Who Look Better Bald Than Britney [...]

  30. me February 20, 2007 9:54 am

    Hey, what about Samantha Morton from “Minority Report”
    http://imdb.com/gallery/ss/0181689/CN304_29R.jpg.html

  31. RDP February 20, 2007 10:13 am

    THere’s an incredible photo of her on her site as a kissogram girl. The best i’ve seen. and yeah here music is great.

  32. Shawn Wolfe February 20, 2007 1:57 pm

    Persis Khambatta in da hizzouse!

  33. [...] 9/10 [ more ] [...]

  34. Jewels February 20, 2007 6:30 pm

    I hAVE A BALD HEAD. SO WHY DIDNT U INCLUDE ME???
    JK!!! I LOOK GREAT BUT NOT AS GREAT AS SOME PPL HERE!!! BUT MORE THAN BRITTANY :)

  35. Not You February 20, 2007 9:35 pm

    Yes. As a matter of fact. I can just picture Britney inhaling a bag of cheeto’s like a cone head.

  36. Bald Beauties at hard times February 20, 2007 10:18 pm

    [...] Here’s a list of eight women who look better than Britney with bald heads. My vote goes to Demi. But really, you could say any bald woman looks better than poor Britney. Except for her. [...]

  37. daphne February 21, 2007 6:55 am

    The thing that makes Brit look less than these ladies is WHY she shaved her head. Or HOW.

    If it was such a statement, she would have done it in the privacy of her own home and then came out later. Instead, she tried to do it in a salon, was denied help, and had to do it herself.

    “OOOooo, look at me…..”

    She looks like an idiot for the same reason as the person who gets the oversized tattoo on his forehead for his religion instead of on his chest quietly.

    Her bald head is not sincere.

    Bullocks to this shit.

  38. Ultrabrown Bald & Better Than Britney February 21, 2007 8:20 am

    [...] but they mostly just result in breathy, atonal “bay-beh, bay-beh” sounds. Bald-o-meter: 9/10 [ more [...]

  39. [...] I don’t think bald women are attractive. This includes Britney’s latest incarnation. But sometimes, depending on the woman’s face, they don’t look half bad. Here’s a list of eight women who look pretty good bald and certainly better than Britney bald:http://wiw.org/~jess/archives/2007/02/19/eight-bald-women/ [...]

  40. [...] Eight Women Who Look Better Bald Than Britney 02/21/2007 | Pop Culture Tags: Britney Spears, Natalie Portman [...]

  41. Braindead Betty February 21, 2007 10:48 am

    I know Lori Petty wasn’t completely bald in Tank Girl, but surely it’s close enough that she could get an Honorable Mention or something. :)

  42. boltnlite February 21, 2007 11:18 am

    Stiff competition for Britney. However, there is no noe in the group that has shown everything else “bald” or hairless.

  43. boltnlite February 21, 2007 11:19 am

    Oops did it again… it is one and not noe.

  44. [...] her head (and, yes, I do feel somewhat shameful for posting about this on my blog), Jesse just sent this link out over Stuff. And it made me [...]

  45. [...] The link [...]

  46. RoseDincht February 21, 2007 5:34 pm

    Two words: Maria Falconetti

    I wasn’t surprised that she wasn’t on the list, but I definately believe that she should be. In case you didn’t know, Maria Falconetti played Joan of Arc in The Passion of Joan of Arc (a very famous silent film). By the end of the movie, she had to have her head shaved (or just cut it shorter) before she was burned at the stake. Despite the fact that she was bald and wasn’t wearing any make up, Maria still looked absolutely beautiful. She definately deserves to be up there.

  47. Tiffani February 21, 2007 9:11 pm

    U forgot Angelina Jolie!! I forgot what movie she was in, but the character she played was bald and she looked GREAT!!

  48. Nathiest February 21, 2007 11:42 pm

    WTF? No woman has ever gotten more praise for shaving her head then Natalie Portman. 8/10? BULLSHIT! 11/10 more accurate.

  49. Johann February 21, 2007 11:57 pm

    Björk also looks great without hair in her ‘Hunter’ music video.

  50. [...] Eight Women Who Look Better Bald Than Britney (tags: funny photos celebrity) [...]

  51. kasha February 22, 2007 1:56 am

    Cate Blanchett in ‘Heaven’ - gorgeous.

  52. MC February 22, 2007 2:50 am

    Just found this article through stumbleupon… it really is getting out there.

  53. Jen February 22, 2007 4:16 am

    Well, I felt sorry for Britney for about 24 hours after seeing that. I’d always loathed everything she stood for before. It was all canned studio music and this mishmash of virgin slut meets ghetto fabulous meet trailer park gone upscale. When she bought K-Fed, I thought, she’s just stupid. When she had her baby and kept dropping him on his head, I thought, “Isn’t it sad that Kevin Federline, a man who abandoned his common law wife, his daughter, and his unborn son to be with Britney, just might be the better, more responsible parent?” When she walked out on his ass and started flashing her girly bits and making out with Paris I thought, “Okay, Paris. Slutty heroin society babe and Britney. Okay, yeah, K-Fed is hands down the more responsible parent and if that ain’t tragic, I don’t know what is.” Then, the bald head thing. Now, as a mother, I looked at those pictures and felt so sad. For the first time ever, I looked at her and thought, “Good Lord, this child needs help.” The way she told the hairdresser that her mom was going to kill her, broke my heart. She’s a grown woman with two children and yet her mother has her so disfunctional she’s marrying gigolos and shaving her head. Sad. I felt a little dirty for paying attention to BritneyNews, but I was sympathetic. Then, a friend of mine pointed out that Britney had her publicist call the press to tell them where she was, staged the whole hair thing, then played for the cameras. She also pointed out that Kevin was asking the court to have her submit a hair sample proving she was on drugs during her most recent pregnancy. I must say, I’m not so very sympathic anymore.

  54. Jen February 22, 2007 4:21 am

    Hey, by the by, can they still get a reading off of stubble? If not, do you think the judge can charge her with tampering with evidence or contempt of court for shaving her head or is it a constitutional issue? You know, life, liberty, wash that man right out of my hair and freedom stuff?

  55. tenminutestillwapner February 22, 2007 5:59 pm

    Why limit it to one gender? The following is a more comprehensive list of better looking bald people:

    Ving Rhames - Had Britney been in Bruce Willis’ role, no eenie meenie would be necesssary–Rhames would have gone first and the Gimp would have punched himself out.

    Don Rickles - A Vegas showgirl compared to Spears.

    Telly Savalas - Forget when he was alive, his corpse (rest his soul) probably looks better than her.

    Vern Troyer - Given the choice, the fetishists would not be standing alone.

    Charlie Brown - one look at Spears and he would relinquish his seat at Lucy’s Psychiatric booth.

  56. Sally February 24, 2007 3:32 pm

    I still love Britney anyway!
    http://www.britneyshaved.com

  57. Dani February 24, 2007 7:04 pm

    OMG … Would u just leave brittney alone … its such a shame she is going threw a tuff time … the last thing she wants is u on her back … God sake … I think brittney looks lovely …!!!! plz leve her alone … she need sypathy

  58. mike February 25, 2007 2:57 am

    BALD CHICKS ARE GROSS!!!!!!!!!

  59. Milhouse February 25, 2007 8:54 am

    You’ve forgottern one of the greastest Bald Women of all time…
    Skin form Skunk Anansie!

  60. Ivan Minic February 26, 2007 8:01 am

    Great pics :)

  61. [...] Her head just isn’t all that pleasingly shaped. [link] [...]

  62. derek_ February 26, 2007 5:05 pm

    Chandler: “uh, you can’t make a list of girls with shaved heads without including samantha morton”

    Yesssssss.

  63. Kylie February 27, 2007 3:07 am

    Um…wasn’t Milla Jojovich bald in Fifth Element?

  64. baldchick February 28, 2007 9:24 pm

    you forgot Kat of http://www.katsurth.com !

  65. Harry L March 3, 2007 5:55 pm

    Persis Khambatta is the clear winner here. Although Halle Berry sometimes wears her hair short enough that I think she could win this if she wanted.

    The basic rule is pale skin does not work with the shaved head look, you end up looking like “Powder”

  66. taromaru March 4, 2007 6:47 am

    where the f**k is Outer Limit’s Valerie 23? ;)

  67. [...] Women Who Look Better Bald Than Britney Jess, of  “Apropos of Something” has compiled the ultimate Britney [...]

  68. [...] Link [...]

  69. thescoundrel March 8, 2007 11:58 am

    With her head shaved - brit looks like the kid from American Gothic.

  70. colorsimple.com » Blog Archive » Bald March 13, 2007 9:22 am

    [...] Yup - bald. I am and so are a few of my friends. Some of them will be, but don’t know it yet. Some have embraced it and even have place orders from the great site HeadBlade.com. But what this post is about is all the WOMEN who look great being bald. Hell no, I’m not talkin’ about Britney - bah… I’m talkin’ about Eight Women Who Look Better Bald Than Britney [...]

  71. [...] propósito, lo que sí encontré (usando Google) fué un listado de mujeres que se siguen viendo buenas con la cabeza [...]

  72. John March 30, 2007 11:49 pm

    Persis Khambatta was adorable bald. So was Natalie Portman.
    And yes Kat Surth is a beautiful bald lady.
    Kumi, of the Kumimonster website is adorable bald.
    Two other beautiful bald women, both Asian ladies, and both actresses, were Bai Ling and Joan Chen when they shaved their heads.
    And last but not least, my beautiful wife Monique, who sometimes shaves her head and wears the bald look.

  73. John March 30, 2007 11:54 pm

    Three beautiful bald women fashion models, who are completely bald with alopecia, and who sometimes model bald, are Anna Fitzpatrick, Laura Hudson, and Margret Baker.

    Check out the BOLDISBEAUTIFUL website. Some lovely and very fashionable bald women there. That website is run by a beautiful, completely bald alopecian lady who works in the fashion industry.

  74. frank April 9, 2007 12:26 pm

    i am loook for a woman

  75. frank April 9, 2007 12:30 pm

    hello
    firstly I want to know you please describe you,everything
    about
    you..have you ever been in turkey and please send your pictures..where
    are u

  76. philospeak April 11, 2007 7:47 pm

    Good stuff! Ironically I just posted a similar article at my site that includes some of the people you mentioned (as well as a Voting Poll). I’ll be sure to make a mention of your article. My article is title “Cue-Ball Bald: Hollywood’s Next Big Thing?” can be found at:

    http://philospeak.com/2007/bald-as-a-cue-ball-the-next-big-hollywood-fad/

  77. marc April 12, 2007 5:08 am

    I think bald women are beautiful (except britney and Sinnead), but here is the most beautiful bald woman EVER!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVayP0nRLMQ

  78. otomeko April 20, 2007 8:40 am

    Here is a site with many many beutiful bald female. Some of them also look better bald than Brittney.

  79. otomeko April 20, 2007 8:41 am

    ohhhhhh I forgot the site URL :))))
    http://www.extremehaircut.com

  80. John May 7, 2007 8:01 am

    Do the Borg Queen count?

  81. Sebastyne May 23, 2007 5:34 am

    I look better bald than Britney does.

  82. Po June 11, 2007 5:12 pm

    There are a few in there very bit as bad as Britney - Sigourney W and Kylie M to name but two. To be bald you need an elphin face like Sinead O’C, not a square or long one. Noooooo!

  83. Yuki June 15, 2007 1:55 pm

    My hero

  84. Betz July 18, 2007 5:28 pm

    How could you forget the most beautiful of them all, Angelina Jolie.
    She shaved her head bald for a movie role as well. I must agree Britney looked really bad bald and Kylie did look truly adorable!

  85. Maddie August 6, 2007 6:45 pm

    You forgot the newest addition… Mena Suvari. She looks GORGE!!!

  86. Bfl August 7, 2007 2:39 am

    Jane Curtin look more better than Britney )))

  87. [...] Eight Women Who Look Better Bald Than Britney. Yeah, it’s outdated, but I found this while making a point to an old friend and well PERSYS [...]

  88. Daniel Nikolov September 10, 2007 9:03 am

    Robin gets my vote. Sorry, B, you just… Don’t bald me. When’s her hair growing back anyways? :rolleyes:

  89. Dubl*A September 17, 2007 1:23 am

    i’m pretty sure there’s more than just the eight…it’s crazy, but i’ve always found chicks with shaved heads very sexy. but britney just looks like a skinhead.

    but definitely one that needs to be added (IMO) is Maggie McOmie from THX1138:

  90. Dubl*A September 17, 2007 1:25 am

    i second maggie mcomie!!!

  91. Shonee October 8, 2007 5:19 pm

    Man this sites awesome!!!!! I think all women should try being bald once and post there pics on a site so that we can all compare. Go on girls get out the clippers i dare ya!!!!

  92. matt basterson October 9, 2007 7:18 pm

    Do they shave the mound also? Miss Weaver is the hot one! I would like a taste of that

  93. matt basterson October 9, 2007 7:19 pm

    hot twats

  94. hollie Bris October 23, 2007 7:14 pm

    Demi Moore is alot better than britney spears.

  95. Suvesh November 1, 2007 5:47 am

    Demi Moore and Robin Tunney are most beautiful bald women here

  96. Suvesh November 1, 2007 5:48 am

    Natalie Portman too looked much better than Britney…

  97. alex November 5, 2007 12:54 pm

    hmmmm
    Samantha Morton

  98. gay thread December 9, 2007 4:16 pm

    britney looked good bald
    your gay
    and kylie isnt bald there
    you assface

  99. Thomas December 22, 2007 2:30 am
  100. Jonathon January 1, 2008 2:09 am

    Can’t forget Joan Jett, she looks better than Britney

  101. Lankstar February 3, 2008 6:56 pm

    HIYA!
    I THINK THE BOTTOM ONES RELI PRETTY I WUD LIKE TO MAKE LOVE WITH HER.
    MUCH LOVE
    HUGOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
    LOVESXXXMWAHXXXX

  102. HENRY COKson February 3, 2008 6:58 pm

    MY COCK IS BALD

  103. Rahoul Karim February 25, 2008 7:47 pm

    Visit this site and you will not believe your eyes:
    http://hosted.met-art.com/generated_gallery/full/01016VeraLizaGoncharov/index.htm?CA=901313-0000&pa=810443
    Anybody who finds a more beautiful bald girl than this one is a liar…

  104. Mia Nikasimo February 29, 2008 8:34 am

    yes, you guessed, I shave my head and I love it. It is interesting to see the women above sporting the different degrees bristles which I feel is an encouragement for other women to follow. One reason that seems to come to mind for shavng our heads is that it is healthier… Anything that means easy maintenance is worthwhile.

  105. me March 24, 2008 9:29 am

    Smantha Morton was never bald, just buzzed, there’s a difference.


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