Lost-vivor: “I Do”

Posted on November 9, 2006 @ 5:17 pm

Lost-vivor

Welcome to Week Six of Lost-vivor — all the mystery and adventure of Lost with an added dash of Survivor-style competition. Yes it’s me, Fuzzball, back to fill in as your Lost-vivor guide for the week. I haven’t heard from Hawaii Jess so I’m going ahead with Week Six.

Here’s the deal: after each week’s Lost, I’ll arbitrarily award and deduct points from the characters based on their actions during the episode. I’ll tally up the Lost-vivor scores as the season progresses, and, at the end, we’ll declare a Lost Season Three champion! You can catch up on the action so far here.

Please note that the section ahead contains spoilers for last night’s episode of Lost. Proceed at your own risk.

“I Do” was the fall season finale before the show goes on a weird three month break until February. This episode was very soap opera-esque, n’est-ce pas? It had everything: sex, drugs…and Taco Night?

Nikki:
  • Buried Eko: +1
  • And nothing else THANK GOD: +1

    • Net gain/loss: +2
    Current score: 98
    Desmond:
  • Buried Eko: +1

    • Net gain/loss: +1
    Current score: 119
    Jack:
  • Leads Ben to believe that he’ll do the surgery: -3
  • Then says PSYCH! : +5
  • Gets to see Kate: +2
  • But she’s wailing about Sawyer: -7
  • Somehow gets out of his cell and finds a GUN: +10
  • But then sees Kate and Sawyer all half-nekkid and cuddly: -20
  • Busts out his Dr. Jack Awesome Neurosurgeon action on The Others and agrees to do the surgery: +8
  • Cuts a hole in Ben’s kidney and holds him hostage until Kate and Sawyer can escape: +12
  • Oooops except that he doesn’t know about the whole “second island” thing: -10

    • Net gain/loss: -3
    Current score: 86
    Paulo:
  • Buried Eko: +1

    • Net gain/loss: +1
    Current score: 99
    Kate:
  • Got married to Captain Mal: +10
  • Got married under a false name: -5
  • Found the one nice mother-in-law in the country: +7
  • Wore the worst wig in television history. And if that wasn’t a wig, the Lost hairstylist should be SHOT: -4
  • Lived like Donna Reed, complete with Taco Night: +3
  • Got pregnant by Captain Mal: +5
  • Got un-pregnant: -5
  • Then drugged her supercute husband and left him clutching his mother’s keepsake locket: -12
  • Refused to work without Sawyer: +8
  • Upset Jack by begging him to operate on Ben to save Sawyer’s life: -1
  • Which still wouldn’t have been so bad except that then Jack had to see her post-coital snuggling with Sawyer: -12
  • Girl is in the middle of a life-and-death situation, living in a polar bear cage, eating fish biscuits, and she STILL gets laid…and by Sawyer! : +20
  • Refused to close her eyes when Pickett had the gun to Sawyer’s head: +4

    • Net gain/loss: +18
    Current score: 96
    Sawyer:
  • Tried to keep the “truth” of the second island from Kate so that she could still have hope: +10
  • Gets busy with Kate in his cage: +5
  • Says “I love you too” to Kate: +20
  • Is in serious danger of getting killed by Pickett: -10

    • Net gain/loss: +25
    Current score: 140
    Locke:
  • Acted in the best interest of the tribe (we hope) by burying Eko in the jungle: +3
  • Went back for Eko’s Jesus Stick: +2
  • Delivered a nice Eko eulogy: +2
  • Found A MESSAGE ON THE STICK OOOOOOOOH: +4

    • Net gain/loss: +11
    Current score: 137
    Sayid:
  • Again with the suspicious asshole-ness! What’s crammed up his hooter??: -2

    • Net gain/loss: -2
    Current score: 88

    Even though he’s got a gun to his head, Sawyer is definitely this week’s winner. He got The Girl, and he had quite an emotional breakthrough! Kudos to you, James. Our loser of the week is poor Dr. Jack. His point loss is not huge, but he got one hell of an owee when he saw ole’ Sawyer and Kate in the polar bear cage. Sorry, Jack. As for Kate, we were treated to yet another painfully depressing flashback where she yet again screwed the people who love her and ran off into the night. Her boogie time with Sawyer is what saved her this week.

    Locke and his crew were very much in the background this week. Eko’s dead, they dug a grave, Locke saw a “message” on the Jesus Stick. Okeedoke.

    After six weeks of action-packed Lost-vivor, here are the standings:

    1. Sawyer (140) (+25)
    2. Locke (137) (+11)
    3. Desmond (119) (+1)
    4. Jin (110)
    5. Sun (107)
    6. Hurley (105)
    7. Claire (101)
    8. Vincent (100)
    9. Charlie (99)
    10. Paulo (99) (+1)
    11. Nikki (98) (+2)
    12. Kate (96) (+16)
    13. Sayid (88) (-2)
    14. Jack (86) (-3)

    Be sure to tune in FEBRUARY for more Lost-vivor! Thanks for letting me be your substitute guide :)

    Posted by Jess | Filed Under Lost-vivor |

    15 comments so far...

    1. Lucas November 9, 2006 6:08 pm

      So what are you gonna do during the hiatus? I absolutely love your blog and how you give points. My friend and I enjoy this site and last night during the fall season finale, I turned to my friend and said, “-3 from Sayid for being a suspicious ass.”

    2. Fuzzball November 9, 2006 8:34 pm

      Well, Lucas, I can’t speak for Jess, but as for me, I’ll just scowl at Daybreak everytime it’s on* and pray for the speedy return of the madness of Lost. Oh, and SNAPS to you for the Sayid=suspicious ass! I’m glad that someone else agrees with me. His character has been useless this season. Useless!!

      *Daybreak is running during the 13 weeks of Lost hiatus…

    3. sa November 9, 2006 8:48 pm

      How in the heck does annoying Nikki have more points than Jack?

    4. Fuzzball November 9, 2006 8:52 pm

      Well, she just started. Give her some time, she’ll crap out, no worries.

    5. Ashley November 9, 2006 9:02 pm

      I don’t think that Charlie helped bury Mr. Eko….

    6. Fuzzball November 9, 2006 9:35 pm

      I think you’re right, thanks Ashley. I fixed it. :D

    7. jp November 10, 2006 9:29 am

      I went to government schools, but I’m still nearly certain that 140 is greater than 137. My apologies in advance, if I’m mistaken. ;)

    8. Fuzzball November 10, 2006 9:33 am

      This is the last time I guest host anything. You guys are fucking brutal.

    9. Al November 10, 2006 1:32 pm

      Kate’s ranking is off too, I think? (Thanks for the site; LOVE it!)

    10. Jess November 10, 2006 2:01 pm

      Thanks, JP and Al! The rankings should be correct now.

      Don’t blame Tracy, though. If you saw the awful default Lost-vivor template I gave her to work with, you’d understand the oversight. ;)

      And thanks for the kind words, Al!

    11. Gymshoes November 10, 2006 5:58 pm

      Your analysis of Kate had me in stitches. :-D I love your point system. But you left out one important thing in all this: -50 to the network for putting the show on hiatus until February. Talk about people who really ought to be in a polar bear cage and you’re talking network execs! (evil, disgruntled, grin)

    12. Jess November 11, 2006 12:07 pm

      Another great job, Tracy! I’m going to go nuts waiting for February. Something tells me Daybreak-vivor wouldn’t be nearly as interesting. ;)

    13. SD January 3, 2007 12:28 pm

      I think you should give negative points to both Sawyer and Kate for not escaping their cage while they had a chance. Granted, they were both caught up in the moment of sexual bliss, but what about AFTERWARDS??? They didn’t have to lie there all night with the cage door open. Even hiding in the bushes is better decision than waiting around your cage to get killed by Pickett.

    14. Aaron February 7, 2007 12:22 pm

      Hooray! Tonight’s the night. It’s been a long time coming, but man am I happy it’s here.

      I can’t wait to see the next edition of LOST-Vivor! Yipee!

    15. Lost-vivor « Not Confused Just Lost July 17, 2008 7:13 am

      [...] Glass ballerina 303 - Further Instructions 304 - Every Man For Himself 305 - The Cost of Living 306 - I Do 307 - Not in Portland 308 - Flashes Before Your Eyes 309 - Stranger in a Strange Land 310 - Tricia [...]


    Leave a Comment

    If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.

    Name (required)

    Email (required)

    Website

    Comments


    © Copyright Apropos of Something • Powered by Wordpress • Using Eye Candy theme by Brian Gardner.