Sock monkey is the new black

Posted on August 31, 2006

♫”If I had a million dollars, I’d buy you a sock-monkey dress/But not a real sock-monkey dress, that’s cruel.”♫ (via)

Hot Treadmill and Treadmill-related Links!!!

Posted on August 31, 2006

YouTube fun: OK Go’s fascinating “Here It Goes Again” video. Should be a virtual lock in the Best Short Form Music Video Featuring Treadmills category at the Grammys. Related: these Jackasses know something about treadmills, too.

Guilty pleasures, now available on 8-track

Posted on August 31, 2006

What’s the guiltiest pleasure lurking inside your music collection?

A few years ago, I sorted through my CD collection and thankfully weeded out most of the worst offenders. We’re talking stuff like the Spin Doctors, Ace of Base, the Spice Girls, and a disc of professional wrestling entrance music (don’t ask). I still have a few guilty pleasures left behind, though. The worst, though? That’s a tough question.

ESPN’s Jock Rock 2000 is a definite frontrunner. It’s a collection of almost decent songs (”The Rockafeller Skank,” “It’s All About The Benjamins,” “Walk This Way”) with lame sports-related comedy bits smooshed in between the music. Or there’s Garth Brooks’ The Hits. I’m not a country music fan, but I think I’ll stand by Garth and his husky-sized ego on this one; he wrote some pretty awesome songs back in the ’90s. Plus, I’m pretty sure that he invented emo. Don’t believe me? Check out a photo of Garth’s alter ego Chris Gaines some time and tell me he isn’t emo.

Let’s see here…the Monkees, Neil Diamond, the soundtrack from Chicago — all worthy contenders.

Probably guiltiest pleasure tucked away in my music collection, though, is the soundtrack to Disney’s Aladdin. Trust me — you haven’t seen funny until you’ve seen a 29-year-old man zipping down the highway while singing along to “Friend Like Me” at the top of his lungs. Not that I do that. Ever. No matter what you might have heard.

So, what guilty pleasures still reside in your music collection?

Stephen Colbert + iPod + iTunes

Posted on August 31, 2006

YouTube fun: Stephen Colbert + iPod + iTunes, another fine entry in the Green Screen Challenge. In case you missed it, Colbert has also fought and defeated a Rancor.

Beam me up, Groundskeeper Willie

Posted on August 30, 2006

YouTube fun: The Simpsons vs. Star Trek, an impressive theme song mashup of everyone’s favorite television shows. (via)

Your father smelt of elderberries

Posted on August 30, 2006

Defend thy castle from siege in BowMaster, an addictive Flash game complete with experience points and purchasable upgrades.

A conversation with my Presbyterian in-laws

Posted on August 29, 2006

Them: So, is that Buddha on your t-shirt?

Me: It’s Krishna. You know, I felt like I had way too much free time on my hands worshipping just one God week after week, so I decided to dabble in something a little more polytheistic to keep myself busy.

Them: …

Me: Actually I found it on clearance at Old Navy. For $6.99, you can’t afford not to wear graven images.

Them: …

Me: So, what’s for dinner?

The Dork Knight Returns

Posted on August 29, 2006

I’m back from my trip to New Jersey, and I just want to take this opportunity to thank Pea, Yellow Mustard Girl, Tracy, and Datadog one last time for doing such an outstanding job filling in while I was away. You guys were awesome, and I encourage everyone out there to bookmark and/or blogroll their equally awesome sites.

Oh, and it turns out that my site got some press coverage while I was gone — a short write-up in some paper called “The Guardian” located in some country called “Great Britain.” Here’s what they had to say about my Apropos Comics:

Remix culture now exists beyond music with dozens of remade trailers on YouTube (search for “remix trailer”) and commercials at adbusters.org. The latest craze is remixed comic books, of which you will find loads of examples at Apropos Comics, a blog site that has trawled the net to put the best on one site. They include everything from a new Superhero (Novelty Rap Song Guy) to an old Archies cartoon strip updated to tell the tale of the only boy at high school without an iPod. Sometimes the simplest ideas are the funniest, such as stoic man in tights reciting the lyrics to Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic” as he puzzles over a destroyed robot.

They singled out Novelty Rap Song Guy and Ironic Man? With nary a mention of the Bat-Botanist? I need a better press agent.

for a case of the Tuesdays

Posted on August 29, 2006

Well, thanks to the soul-sucking perversion that is moving, I was only able to put up one actual post. Albeit a hilarious and life-changing post, but only one, nonetheless.

But I still had a blast guest-blogging for Jess and I am still in awe that I was chosen. Now I don’t feel as bad about not being able to pull the sword out of the stone at Storybook Forest.

I will sign off in my usual fashion…by providing a link to something funnier than I can come up with. Genius!

Don’t go another week without checking your Onion Horoscope. Trust me, once you start, you’ll never stop.

Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting. I hope you are all going to visit the excellent blogs of my fellow guest bloggers. It’s good stuff! And if you are ever bored and craving some nonsensical word confetti, come on over to Yellow Mustard Blog. We treat you right.*
 

 
 
*Dairy Queen, please do not sue me. I used to work for you! Remember, back in the late 90s? Back when you still served frozen yogurt? Why did you get rid of that, by the way? Bad move, in my opinion. That alone probably increased the nation’s obesity rate by 10%. Not to mention your Chicken Strip Basket. Sweet baby jebus. You need to sell a defibulator with that meal! Not that I don’t love me some DQ. I do…if you don’t sue me.

The Emmys

Posted on August 28, 2006

AAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH. Okay I’ve always hated The Emmys, so this shouldn’t surprise me, but still: Denis Leary was f-in ROBBED. That is all. I’m off to snarl and grumble. P.S. If you’re not watching Rescue Me, then you’re a foolish person. FOOLISH, I SAY! (Fuzzball)

Factual

Posted on August 26, 2006

Here’s a small little fact that Jess won’t share with you but since he’s not around and he did say I could post anything I wanted I’ll share with you.

As a child Jess was a little clumsy, often bumping into walls and busting his head open. For a while his parents had him wear a football helmet to protect his head, but the boys in the neighborhood would just take that as an excuse to tackle our poor friend Jess. After that a bright yellow flag was added to his outfits but the kids weren’t huge fans of touch football so this wasn’t much of a solution.

Soon thereafter a “helpful” neighbor suggested dance classes to solve the lack of grace issue. And not just any dance class of course. Yes, you see where I’m going with this. Soon the helmet and flag were replaced with tights and ballet shoes.

He may be incredibly embarrassed to tell you this himself but I’ll tell you what: you won’t meet another blogger who’s lighter on his toes that’s for sure. Some things really do pay off.

Does anyone else have any “facts” they’d like to share about our intrepid host?

pea

Saturday Morning Fun

Posted on August 26, 2006

Kickin’ off your Saturday morning, here’s a 1990 anti-drug PSA: “Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue.”  I was watched this when I was eight and it traumatized me for life.  And if you don’t have half and hour to kill on Huey, Louie, and Dewey lecturing kids on marijuana, here’s Yakko Warner singing Nations of the World instead.

And if you just plain don’t want to watch cartoons, here’s Stephen Colbert fighting a Rancor. Something for everyone!

all your espresso are belong to us

Posted on August 25, 2006

Good title, huh? I was also thinking about “Suzy Shameful and the Starbucks Stigma”. But then I thought that title was better saved for the series of children’s books I’m working on. I already have “Tabitha Type 2 Diabetes and the Great Childhood Obesity Caper” and “Erin Ezcema and the Search for the Lost Chest of Medicated Ointment”. Catchy, aren’t they? They’ll be the American Girls stories for the next generation.

Anyway, I have a shameful secret. The kind that is so painful and private it can only be shared on a public website viewed by people in the tens of tens.

I….I’m the one that keeps putting the new roll of toilet paper on the back of the toilet instead of just replacing the empty tube in the holder, even though it requires about the same amount of effort. I’m sorry, I have a sickness.

Oh wait, that’s not really my secret. Especially since I announce to everyone (loudly) that I have weird TP-refill habits. It’s my voicemail message for goodness sakes. My REAL secret is…that…I am addicted to Starbucks. Oh hold on…gotta choke back some bile…hrmph!!…there we go.

Here’s the thing. I don’t like Starbucks persay. And I’m not even talking about the whole “evil corporation, descending upon defenseless independent stores and driving the hardworking immigrant owners into the streets and then forcing them to become greeters at Walmart” thing. We’re strictly talking coffee here people. And I find Starbucks’ java way too bitter. I’m just a coffee and a little cream girl, so I prefer my joe to not eat a hole in my stomach lining. I have recreational hobbies to take care of that. What I’ve learned is the only thing that makes Starbucks coffee palatable is dousing it in 4 inches of pure unpasteurized cream, lacing it with meth and then drizzling it with unicorn blood. (I think they call it a Mochafrappabananaramadingdong).

So long paragraph short, I avoided their coffee. (Oh also, their cute little trendy names for each cup size made me want to open my veins onto their display of baked goods.) Well, this was all back when I was living in Pennsylvania and you needed two cups of steaming hot coffee just to start your day. One to melt away the layer of ice that encased you in your bed and one to throw on the band of roving possums that take up residence in your nightstand.

But then I moved to CA, where the temperatures are fairly…temperate. And when you wake up in the morning sometimes steaming cup of liquid is not appealing. But these genius California-ers. Not only have they invented the celebrity politician and the state-wide bankruptcy fad, but they also created…ICED COFFEEEE.
Oh sweet delcious liquid. I instantly became a wee bit addicted.  Nothing serious, I’d just step on my mother’s neck to get a dropper full in my mouth. And Starbucks…they just do their iced coffee right. I’ve tried independant ma and pa coffee shops, but they can’t get the ratio of ice to coffee right. Plus, Starbucks knows what I mean when I say, “Half inch of soymilk”. I didn’t even know what I meant by that…I think I just said it at the counter one morning along with a string of other nonsensical phrases.( I am a lot like Encino Man before coffee in the morning. )
I love the giant plastic cup the coffee comes in. I love that they’ll sweeten the iced coffee before they give it to me, saving me the hassle of tearing open those damn tiny packets of Splenda. I love the jaunty green straw. It looks so cheerful and eco-friendly. I love it ALL. It’s tragic. I’m only a few macchiotos away from listening to the Starbuck’s corporate rock collection CD and shelling out $10 for a socially conscious mug cozie.
So I’m stopping cold turkey. My dignity is worth too much. Also, I only have 19 cents left on my Starbucks card.

Homestar-iversary

Posted on August 24, 2006

SEWIOUSLY. Who do you think is the stwongest man in the world? Well, I think it’s Homestar Runner, and he’s been rocking the internet for ten years now. Check out the anniversary toon! (Fuzzball)

Cheers or Jeers?

Posted on August 24, 2006

For this year’s evaluation my supervisor simply changed the date of last year’s evaluation and nothing else. Nobody seems to have noticed but me. Should I care? I still got my raise. And as we all know, it’s all about the money, right?

I can’t help but be a little annoyed about it though. On the other hand, it took balls. I gotta hand out some props for that.

This bit of boring fluff brought to you by pea.

Also, snakes on toast, people! Come on! Tell me that’s not linkage gold.

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