My secret shame
Posted on May 27, 2005 @ 11:20 am
In my last entry, I expressed admiration for the beard Ewan McGregor sported in Revenge of the Sith. To be entirely honest, however, my statement was born as much from envy as admiration. You see, I live with a secret shame.
I can’t grow facial hair.
No beard. No Van Dyke. No soul patch. I can’t even manage sideburns.
Don’t get me wrong — if my utter inability to grow a beard saved me the hassle of shaving on a regular basis, that would be completely awesome. I would fall down on my knees each morning and thank the Lord for sparing me from the travails of shaving for another day. It doesn’t, though. I still grow just enough facial hair to look scruffy and unkempt, but it stops there. After the first three days of growth, I can wait months and my facial hair never turns into something even vaguely resembling a beard or moustache.
I had a bit part in a play when I was a senior in college. The director wanted me to grow a goatee for the role. I got a month’s head start on the task and still found myself sitting in a makeup chair on opening night and having my goatee painted on with mascara. I was 21 years old at the time.
So, I’m 27 years old now and the closest I’ve ever come to respectable facial hair was My First Moustache(R) back when I was 14. After I shaved for the first time, I’ve never soared to such heights again. Such is my lot in life.
There — that’s my secret shame. I feel much better now.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Life in a Nutshell |
6 comments so far...
Leave a Comment
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
I can really relate Jess. I have a similar problem. My facial hair, however, come in real thick along my neck, but light everywhere else. I also get a lot of blond hair in it, making it look ratty (my hair is mostly dark brown, but a lot of blond comes into my “beard” for some reason). Result: a ratty looking AND hard to shave beard, that will never look as good as Ben Kenobi’s.
“There – that’s my secret shame. I feel much better now.”
God bless the Internet!
Hey Jess, call Dwight. We’re playing trivia this evening and we couldn’t reach you.
Dude, it’s only hair. K? At least you have it on your head!
What a loser! I knew you weren’t a real man. Don’t ever speak to me again.
o’ brother I share your pain! I too, at the age of 25 cannot grow any respectable facial hair. Yet I’m not spared from the tireless travel of the razor across those small areas of my face and chin which accumulate ratty semblances of manhood over a period of a few days.