Malaprops
Posted on March 10, 2005 @ 4:19 pm
I love it when people who mean to say “scapegoat” say “escape goat” instead. I realize that I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I’m endlessly amused by the idea of an escape goat actually existing. Personally, I like to think of the escape goat as a pre-industrial analogue of the modern getaway vehicle. “Ready the escape goats, squire! We must make a hasty retreat!”
If you have any favorite malaprops of your own, feel free to share.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Random Musings |
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I had a Rottweiler and many people would say “rock weiler” — no doubt she was a rockin’ dog.
When we were little, my twin brother thought the Frankie Valli song “My Eyes Adored Ya” was “My Eyes in Georgia”
Most of the nitwits on the court TV shows don’t know the difference between “borrow” and “loan” — this can be amusing when testifying. “I borrowed him $500″ really means that the person LOANED the defendant $500.
What is up with the new word “efforting”? Has anyone else heard this? As in “I am efforting to get her attention.” or perhaps “I am efforting to ignore your horrid grammar and vocabulary.”
Fritz, I do believe you were the one who thought Jimmy Hendrix was singing “Scuse me, while I kiss this guy”, instead of “kiss THE SKY!” Just kidding. Actually, I thought Valli was singing “My eyes enjoyed ya”. Kind of a voyeur thing, I guess.
Anyway, I’m bugged by people who say FURtographer, instead of photographer.
I just heard one on TV…
“We had a plutonic relationship.”
I guess that is a combination between platonic and Teutonic — perhaps an impotent German dictator. I dunno.
How about “conversate”? As in, “We need to conversate about your terrible grammar.”
I love it when people ask if you are death instead of deaf. “What are you death?!” Why yes I am. Maybe now you will think twice before asking me another stupid question, huh?
Somewhat related things from an e-Mail I got once:
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
expressions.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on
the roof and gets stuck there.
Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.
Ignoranus: The person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
*sigh* My best friend in high school was determined that The Beatles were singing “Take a back right turn” instead of “Paperback Writer”. The sad this is she had this whole philosophical argument for why it was “take a back right turn”. Oh lord. Then she used to sing “rock in the asphalt” instead of “rockin’ the casbah”. Did I mention that she is also a certified genius who graduated from Stanford and Columbia Law? Yeah…rock in the…asphalt. *Sigh*
OOOH I also hate it when people say “supposABLY” instead of “supposEDLY”. Makes me fucking nuts.
I once transcribed “Lieutenant Sebastian” from an Eddie Izzard sketch as “Left-handed Sebastian”.
Ah…the wacky British pronunciation of lieutenant — “leftenant” instead of the more intuitive “loutenant.” Gets ya every time…
My friend was explaining to me the happy-go-lucky ways of her spunky dog, when she sighed and said, “Ah, well…it’s just a doggy dog world, I guess.” Heh. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it was a “dog-eat-dog world” and meant something far more sinister than just merrily chasing squirrels.
How about when people say they want to “unthaw” something. How the heck do you “unthaw”? That’s like freezing it all over again. The correct usage, would of course be “thaw”.
-Chris
I love the “escape goat” concept — thanks for sharing. This isn’t a malapropism, but I hate people who use “hopefully” incorrectly — it’s an adverb, and will modify your verb!! Don’t say “Hopefully it will work”! Say “I am hopeful that it will work”. OK, clearly I just needed to get that out of my system.
Also — “irregardless”? What the hell kind of nonesense is that? And why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
cowwebs. i love that one. i imagine a sinister ring of cows plotting to overtake the farm.
while watching the arsenio hall show once (flashback!) he had his producer tell the audience the lyrics that gave her the most trouble. the only one that i remember was: “she’s a big cow” = “brick house” … i still giggle every time i remember that. hmm. now that i’m done with the comment i notice a theme.
Ah, the “plutonic relationship” bit, though perhaps a malaprop, was a witty remark in a James Bond movie once. Ah, but Jess wouldn’t know that, as he hasn’t seen any!
When I was little (5 years old or so), I thought that “Hang on Sloopy” was “Hang on Snoopy”, and I had images of the Peanuts beagle dancing around on his dog house.
Oh, I was walking out to the parking lot after work with a co-worker, and I mentioned “Yeah, the red-Mercedes guy is my fedora-and-pipe guy.” She gave me a funny look. Haha. Does that count as a malaprop?
“For all intensive purposes” drives me nuts - it’s “intents and purposes”, people!
I also had a former (idiot) co-worker who came up with such gems as “dead as a doorknob” and “I just want to make sure we’re all on the same ballpoint”
Two of my favourites from Australia are:
“… a mere pigment of the imagination.”
“… a mere bag of tails.”
Happy Valentimes Day
A lawyer’s escarole account
I was astatic that the move had a happy ending
The aged gentleman had oldtimer’s disease
My 5 year old goes to kiddygarden