Apropos Italiano

Posted on January 30, 2005

So, here I am in Italy.

(Bet you didn’t see that coming.)

Anyway, in fair Verona is where I lay my scene. I’m here to teach a three-week course on European politics, so expect the site to shift into travelogue mode for the time being. That being said, my wife and I took the red-eye out of Atlanta Friday night and managed not to sleep a wink all the way to Paris. Then, after a four-hour layover at Charles de Gaulle International (or as I like to call it, Chuck Deagle Airport), we flew the remaining hour and a half to Verona on a plane with no working lavatory, sitting across the aisle from a guy with truly horrendous body odor. Ah…vive la difference!

After sleeping a solid fifteen hours or so last night, we had a chance to explore the city today. As you might expect, it’s absolutely gorgeous — all castles, bridges, and plazas. It’s also completely closed. If Europe is supposedly full of vile, atheistic socialists, why is everything closed on Sundays? Hopefully, I’ll find a way to upload a few photos while I’m here. We’re also planning weekend trips to Venice and Rome, so that should be fun.

Oh, and having a bidet rules. Seriously.

Take one down, pass it around

Posted on January 28, 2005

Are you tired of severe winter weather? It could be worse. You could be trapped under an avalanche and forced to urinate your way to freedom. From Ananova:

A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it.

Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains. He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out. But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through.

He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported.

He said: “I was scooping the snow from above me and packing it down below the window, and then I peed on it to melt it. It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt. But I’m glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there.”

Beer…is there any problem it can’t solve?

“At the Movies” with the Justice Society of America

Posted on January 25, 2005

Wouldn’t it be cheaper just to hire seven knife-throwers instead of building that elaborate deathtrap? After all, they’re carnies; they practically work for free. On the other hand, they do smell like cabbage and have tiny hands.

The Apropos Comics archive is here.

I ♥ the ’90s

Posted on January 24, 2005

“Sometimes, there’s a man. Well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there.” — Narrator, The Big Lebowski

An hour spent watching Empire Records on cable today convinced me that 1995 was my time. Flannel was stylish, the music didn’t suck, and I was passably cool (although that last one may very well be a figment of my imagination). I’m utterly lost in a world of Paris Hilton, trucker caps, and Maroon 5.

So, when was your time?

Tales from the Classroom: “Did I just say that?”

Posted on January 24, 2005

As part of my ongoing disservice to students at this fine university, I let this slip during today’s lecture:

“If there’s one thing I want you to take away from my course this semester, it’s that international politics is exactly like the movie Independence Day.”

On a related note, is it really possible that most of my students were only ten years old when ID4 came out? Yikes.

This one’s for you, Mom

Posted on January 24, 2005

There’s still no cure for cancer, but researchers nevertheless remain hard at work on explaining the links between housekeeping and your health. Via the BBC:

Failing to make your bed in the morning may actually help keep you healthy, scientists believe.

Research suggests that while an unmade bed may look scruffy it is also unappealing to house dust mites thought to cause asthma and other allergies.

A Kingston University study discovered the bugs cannot survive in the warm, dry conditions found in an unmade bed.

Apparently, I’ve been at the forefront of the global fight against dust mites for nearly 28 years now and I didn’t even know it. Now, if only a subsequent study would show that a seldom-mowed lawn is somehow beneficial to your health…

Birds of prey

Posted on January 23, 2005

From my site’s search engine referrer log:

23 Jan, 17:57 (Google): “who would win in a fight between a falcon and a eagle?”

The eagle, 27-10. Better luck next year, Falcons.

Celebrity crushes and curses

Posted on January 23, 2005

What do a bunch of postgraduates discuss when they get together for a party? Why, celebrity crushes of course! My top five celebrity crushes identified at said party (in no particular order):

1. Tina Fey
2. Angelina Jolie (minus craziness)
3. Gwen Stefani
4. Shirley Manson from Garbage
5. Parker Posey

I’d probably replace Parker Posey with William Shatner if I were being completely honest with myself. Oh, and if I could choose five people to round up and throw in a gulag for the rest of their lives, never to be heard from again?

1. Sean Hannity (Three hours of back-breaking labor a day, that’s all I ask.)
2. Radio personality Paul Harvey (Now who knows the rest of the story, old man?)
3. Comedian Gallagher (That Sledge-O-Matic could come in handy for busting rocks.)
4. Paul Reiser (About whom I am not mad.)
5. Fedora-and-Pipe Guy

Since this already reads like a meme, feel free to play along in the comments or on your own blog.

The Amazing Amazon.com

Posted on January 22, 2005

The Apropos Comics archive is here.

Blanche I can understand…but Rose?

Posted on January 21, 2005

It’s about time the Hallmark Channel finally gave viewers what we’ve spent nearly two decades clamboring for: a made-for-television movie featuring The Golden Girls’ Betty White in a skinny-dipping scene. Count me in!

Soft drink of the gods

Posted on January 21, 2005

Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper is da bomb-diggity, yo. We’re talking pure ambrosia.

Free iPod Mini

Posted on January 20, 2005

You’ve probably seen other bloggers begging their readers to help them win a free iPod by completing various trial offers on FreeiPods.com. I acknowledge, however, that nobody wants to sign up for a 45-day AOL trial or join the Columbia House Music Club just so I can reap the benefits.

That being said, I am now accepting donations in order to purchase a free iPod Mini for myself. If just five Apropos of Something readers donate a mere $50 each, I can be listening to the Shins on my free, candy-colored iPod by this time next week. Imagine all the joy of helping someone acquire a free iPod with none of the hassle of canceling a trial subscription to Sports Illustrated!

Feel free to make your pledges in the comments. Or, if it’s more convenient, just post your Visa or Mastercard number along with the expiration date. Thanks, guys!

Why, Georgia, why?

Posted on January 20, 2005

Upon returning from class yesterday, I had a message waiting for me on my answering machine consisting of the first two verses of the John Mayer song “Why Georgia.” No greeting. Not even a “call me.” Just the song.

Very odd. I’m trying to come up with some reasonable explanation for the message besides the obvious. And by “the obvious,” I mean that John Mayer is stalking me.

Non sequitur

Posted on January 19, 2005

If the Kool-Aid Man were to burst through your wall right this moment, what would you expect him to say to you?

The Oldest Joke in Comics

Posted on January 19, 2005

Original image via Comics 101. The Apropos Comics archive is here.

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