Post #644: Wherein Jess Ranks a Bunch of Movies

Posted on December 22, 2004 @ 8:40 am

People are always asking me, “Funkmaster Jess, what movie in the <insert popular film franchise here> series is your favorite?” Well, this post is for you.

Indiana Jones

  1. The Last Crusade
  2. Raiders of the Lost Ark
  3. Temple of Doom

Lord of the Rings

  1. Fellowship of the Ring
  2. Return of the King
  3. The Two Towers

Austin Powers

  1. Goldmember
  2. International Man of Mystery
  3. The Spy Who Shagged Me

Star Wars

  1. The Empire Strikes Back
  2. Star Wars
  3. Return of the Jedi
  4. The Phantom Menace
  5. Attack of the Clones


  1. Aliens
  2. Alien
  3. Alien Resurrection
  4. Alien 3


  1. Superman II
  2. Superman
  3. Superman III
  4. Superman IV

The Matrix

  1. The Matrix
  2. The Matrix Reloaded
  3. The Matrix Revolutions

Harry Potter

  1. Chamber of Secrets
  2. Sorceror’s Stone
  3. Prisoner of Azkaban

Back to the Future

  1. Back to the Future I
  2. Back to the Future II
  3. Back to the Future III


  1. Rocky IV
  2. Rocky III
  3. Rocky
  4. Rocky II
  5. Rocky V


  1. Batman Forever
  2. Batman
  3. Batman Returns
  4. Batman and Robin

Kevin Smith Films

  1. Chasing Amy
  2. Mallrats
  3. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
  4. Clerks
  5. Jersey Girl
  6. Dogma

The Godfather

  1. Godfather II
  2. The Godfather
  3. Godfather III

Those Mockumentaries with Christopher Guest, et al.

  1. Best in Show
  2. This is Spinal Tap
  3. A Mighty Wind
  4. Waiting for Guffman

Star Trek

  1. The Wrath of Khan
  2. The Undiscovered Country
  3. Nemesis
  4. First Contact
  5. The Search for Spock
  6. The Motion Picture
  7. Generations
  8. The Final Frontier
  9. The Voyage Home
  10. Insurrection

Feel free to play along at home.

Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture |

15 comments so far...

  1. david December 22, 2004 8:57 am

    I am so glad that I’m not the only one who DOESN’T place “The Voyage Home” in the top three…the attempts at humor nearly killed it.

    And I rate “First Contact” higher, only because I’m very partial to movies that feature Star Trek characters in my hometown/state. :-)

  2. Cheeky Prof December 22, 2004 9:22 am

    Uh….Funkmaster Jess??!

  3. Football Watch December 22, 2004 9:33 am

    Surfed in from BE but stayed longer than the 30 secs as this is a cool site. Merrry Christmas xx

  4. Robyn December 22, 2004 10:57 am

    You know you left Animatrix off your Matrix list. Is there a special reason for this?

    Love and Light

  5. Halden December 22, 2004 11:13 am

    I am hard pressed to disagree with any of your choices, except for Potter I would switch 1 and 3.

  6. Stacey December 22, 2004 11:53 am

    Prisoner of Azkaban was last on your list??? Maybe you accidentally wrote the entries backwards, because I would rank those movies in the reverse of how you did :)

  7. Patrick December 22, 2004 4:10 pm

    You seemed to have left off the most prolific “popular film franchise” from your list. Where’s the James Bond?

  8. david December 22, 2004 4:18 pm

    For the James Bond franchise, Jess, you *better* have Moonraker at the top.

    You’ve been warned.

  9. Richard December 22, 2004 4:37 pm

    “Uh….Funkmaster Jess??!”

    I was going to ask that too.

    Anyhow, First Contact would be my number one, no contest.

  10. Jess December 22, 2004 4:39 pm

    Cheeky: Funkmaster Jess is what they call me when I’m spinning the wheels of steel. ;)

    Robyn: Believe it or not, I’m not a huge fan of anime. That being said, I’d probably rate The Animatrix as my least favorite installment in the series.

    As for James Bond, I didn’t include it since I haven’t seen enough of the films to really put together a comprehensive ranking. Honestly, I think I’d go with “Live and Let Die” if I had to choose at this point. Of course, I haven’t seen most of the Connery installments.

  11. jp December 22, 2004 5:01 pm

    Your Rocky rankings are the only ones with which I strongly disagree. I and II are both really good movies. III and IV were much more enjoyable when I saw them as a kid. I figured you ranked IV so high because of the political aspects and seeing Apollo’s trainer cry like a little school girl (”throw the towe!”), and it’s hard to argue with Mr. T, so I guess I can see your point.

  12. brandon December 23, 2004 12:13 am

    i never realized what truly horrid taste in movies you had. you like aliens more than alien? prisoner of azkaban is the only harry potter movie that doesn’t suck big floppy donkey dick. and batman forever is one of the most painful atrocities ever visited on mankind.

  13. Dr. H December 23, 2004 9:43 am

    Please justify the low ranking of Dogma. Below JERSEY GIRL? I would have also had Clerks much higher. In fact, I may have had the Kevin Smith list in the exact reversed order, except Jersey Girl. Oh, well… maybe we can still be blog friends. ;)

  14. Jess December 23, 2004 11:36 am

    In defense of my Batman rankings, I should note that I don’t really like any of the Batman films all that much. In particular, I disliked Michael Keaton intensely in the role of Batman. So, ranking Batman Forever on top isn’t exactly a ringing endorsement. Still, it wasn’t like I went nuts and put Batman & Robin ahead of the first two films.

    Dr. H: Looking back, I’m not sure if I would stand by my Kevin Smith rankings. That being said, I’m not a huge fan of Dogma — largely because I don’t like Linda Fiorentino or Salma Hayek’s performances. On the other hand, I really like Ben Affleck and Matt Damon as Bartleby and Loki.

    Upon further review, if I ranked the Kevin Smith films again, I’d probably switch Clerks and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

  15. December 23, 2004 2:32 pm

    Let the rankings begin
    Funkmaster Jess is rating movie series. Who am I to deny the Funkmaster? A mindless meme-follower aparently. I left off Harry Potter (because I’ve only seen part of one) and Austin Powers (because they all sucked). In their place I’m adding the Coen …

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