Handicapping ‘Survivor: Vanuatu’
Posted on November 26, 2004 @ 12:12 pm
As someone who many people (most notably, myself) consider an expert on reality television, I thought I’d handicap Survivor Vanuatu now that the field of contestants has been winnowed down to the final six. Feel free to use the following odds sheet to wager large amounts of money on the outcome of the show (while keeping in mind that Apropos of Something — a wholly-owned subsidiary of JessCo Enterprises — bears no legal responsibility for any large sums of money lost by wagering on Survivor: Vanuatu and provides the following odds sheet for entertainment purposes only).
| Ami (100-1): Strong, a clever strategist, performs well at challenges. These people never win. Next. |  |
| Chris (32-1): Only man left on the island (unless you count Jeff Probst, which I don’t). Frequently declares himself a master strategist in between crying jags about being the next on the chopping block. Sarge and Chad look forward to reuniting with you on the jury, Chris. |  |
| Scout (16-1): Brings key ingredients of crotchetiness and gimpiness to tribe. In spite of what I suspect is a completely made-up name, has managed to make it to the final six as the mother hen of the Vanuatu women. Only a matter of time before she can no longer limp to Tribal Council and is therefore eliminated by default. |  |
| Eliza (8-1): Has clung to the tribe like a barnacle on a garbage scow — impressive, considering they’ve been trying to vote her off since the second episode. Large eyes remind me of a Precious Moments figurine come to life (with a brief stopover for breast augmentation en route to Vanuatu). Creepy, but not quite as creepy as… |  |
| Twila (3-1): Doesn’t seem to possess any actual skills that would help her win, but the fact that she could snap at any moment and murder the other castaways with her sling blade could prove an advantage late in the game, mmm-hmm. |  |
| Julie (2-1): Aside from not offending anyone, being friends with the right people, and looking pretty, Jules hasn’t done anything to merit making it this far in the game. In turn, I predict a millions bucks are coming her way in the fine tradition of Jenna from Survivor: Amazon and Amber from Survivor: All-Stars. |  |
If you happen to be watching this season (or even if you aren’t), feel free to share you own Survivor predictions in the comments.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture |
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I’ve been ranking the Survivors every week since the merge, and I agree with your assessment. I’ve had Julie #1 on my list since there were 9 left (Ami had my initial #1 ranking). Though, your reasoning for Julie is much more objective than mine. From the very first episide, I said “Oh my god, she’s exactly like my most recent ex! She has to go! She can’t win!”
That means she’ll win.
But, yes, Julie is like Jenna and Amber.
Ami, though, I wouldn’t count her out. She’s like Colby from Survivor Australia. If she can keep winning immunities, she could get it (prodided she doesn’t make a Colby-like tactical error at the very end).
My rankings:
#1 Julie
#2 Ami
#3 Chris: He’s made it this far, but it depends on the jury for him to win.
#4 Eliza: Same situation as Chris.
#5 Twila: I think she could be convinced by others to vote herself out.
#6 Scout: physically, I don’t see how she does it.