Yabba-dabba-fruitylicious-doo
Posted on November 30, 2004
Is it just me, or does anyone else experience frighteningly detailed flashbacks to this Fruity Pebbles holiday commercial from the ’80s?
Fred (singing to a tune reminiscent of “Deck the Halls”)
Season’s greetings in our souls,
Yummy Fruity Pebbles in our bowls.
Uh-oh, here comes you-know-who.Santa (entering via chimney, taking bowl of Pebbles from Fred)
Yabba-dabba-fruitylicious-doo!Barney (dressed as Santa, also entering via chimney)
Ho-ho-ho! I’m hu-hu-hungry!
Santa! My Pebbles!Fred (violently angry)
Your Pebbles?!?Santa (jolly, all-knowing)
’Tis the season to be sharing, Fred.Fred (sharing his Fruity Pebbles with Barney)
Happy holidays, pal.Barney (lovingly)
Aww…Fred.
Nothing helps to make the season bright like two prehistoric cavemen setting aside their differences to celebrate the (future?) birth of Christ and sell a few boxes of tooth-rotting cereal. Anyway, thanks to the magic of the Interweb, I was able to track down the commercial in Windows Media format at X-Entertainment. Enjoy!
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Random Musings | 3 Comments
Strange bedfellows
Posted on November 30, 2004
The latest on Zimbabwean politics from Yahoo News:
HARARE, Zimbabwe - An unnamed Zimbabwean politician has been trying to win women’s votes by handing out free lingerie, state television reported Tuesday…
“Supporters have been angered by the antics of an aspiring parliamentary candidate (who) has been accused of using unorthodox means to garner support — including the buying of undergarments for women,” Zimbabwe Television said.
In a related story, government officials in Harare announced their decision last week to approve former U.S. President Bill Clinton’s application for Zimbabwean citizenship.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under In the News | 1 Comment
Hell is other shoppers
Posted on November 29, 2004
Earlier today, I went to a boutique near campus that never sells ANY merchandise only to discover they had sold the only piece of merchandise I actually wanted — a little something-or-another I has planned to buy as a ridiculously thoughtful Christmas gift for my wife. To add insult to injury, they had the item in stock just yesterday afternoon when the two of us were there together.
After that, I decided to take my search for the perfect Christmas gift online and eventually found an item I wanted. The vendor, however, required the security code from the back of my credit card to process the order. It was then that I realized my security code was unreadable due to overuse of the card (which is a statement unto itself, I suppose). Anyway, I called the credit card company and explained my dilemma to the customer service representative. “Sir,” she sympathized, “I’d love to assist you, but if you could just call up and ask for the security code, it wouldn’t make very much sense to have a security code in the first place, would it?” Touché.
On the bright side, I’m having much better luck showering myself with gifts. Case in point: I just scored a like-new Ralph Lauren sports coat for under six bucks at Goodwill. If nothing else, I can rest assured that I’ll look good while I’m doing a charcoal rubbing of my credit card to discern a certain troublesome code in a few minutes.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Life in a Nutshell | 2 Comments
Trading Swans
Posted on November 28, 2004
Just imagine how cool a reality television show combining Trading Spouses with The Swan would be. Here’s the premise: two moms sign up to swap families for a month, but there’s a twist. On this show, each mom is assigned a team of specialists –- a coach, therapist, trainer, cosmetic surgeon, and dentist — who work to physically transform them into one another (like Face/Off, only with less overacting and fewer slow-motion gunfights). Then, both moms are sent back to their new families and attempt to pass as one another until the month is up. After that, they’re transformed back into themselves and reveal the ruse to their families. We have a few laughs, shed a few tears, and…fade to black. Executive Producer: Me.
I think I’ll call it Trading Swans. Or maybe X-Treme Trading Swans to appeal to the crucial 18-34 demographic. It feels like the show needs something more before I pitch it to the networks, though. Maybe a room-remodeling-on-a-budget element?
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 2 Comments
National Treasure
Posted on November 28, 2004
National Treasure scores an impressive 8.5 out 10 on the Apropos of Something Dumb Fun-O-Meter™. In case you’re curious, the film stars the Tolerable Nicolas Cage (Raising Arizona, Matchstick Men) as opposed to the Good Nicolas Cage (Adaptation, Leaving Las Vegas) or the Unbearable Nicolas Cage (Gone in Sixty Seconds, Con Air).
My top ten movies of 2004 follow after the jump.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 4 Comments
Super Spice Me
Posted on November 27, 2004
The Pepsi Spice Project: Man vows to drink nothing but Pepsi Holiday Spice cola until Christmas Day and blogs about its effects on his health (both physical and mental).
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Web Slinging | 2 Comments
You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch
Posted on November 27, 2004
Apparently, the tradition of civil disobedience is alive and well in the cul-de-sacs of America. From Yahoo News:
Huge Grinch erected after neighbours complain about Christmas display
MONTE SERENO, Calif. (AP) - For six years, Alan and Bonnie Aerts transformed their Silicon Valley home into a Christmas wonderland, complete with surfing Santa, jumbo candy canes and a carol-singing chorus of mannequins.
Visitors loved it. Last year, more than 1,500 cars prowled the Aertses’ cul-de-sac in this upscale San Jose suburb each night. This year, though, the merry menagerie stayed indoors. Instead, on the manicured lawn outside the couple’s Tudor mansion, stands a single tiding: a three-metre-tall Grinch with green fuzz, rotting teeth and beet-red eyeballs.
The Aertses erected the smirking giant to protest the couple across the street - 16-year residents Le and Susan Nguyen, who initiated complaints to city officials that the display was turning the quiet neighbourhood into a Disneyesque nightmare.
Alan Aerts, who makes sure the Grinch’s spindly finger points directly to the Nguyens’ house, says the complaints killed the exhibit. They also violated the Christmas spirit, he said.
The bad news? While violating the Christmas spirit is against the law in over twenty states, California isn’t one of them. Meanwhile, I imagine the suits at Disney must love that phrases like “Disneyesque nightmare” have entered the English lexicon.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under In the News | 2 Comments
Serving hard time at Camp Cupcake
Posted on November 26, 2004
To my credit (or perhaps in my defense), I’ve waited this long to make my first Martha-Stewart-in-prison entry. From CNN.com:
Martha Stewart is becoming quite the jailbird gourmet and whips up dishes with illicit ingredients she smuggles back to her cell by stuffing them down her bra, according to a newspaper report Friday.
The New York Post, which cited anonymous letters by disgruntled fellow inmates, said the domestic queen — imprisoned at the federal facility in Alderson, W.Va. for lying about a well-timed stock sale — has been caught with such contraband as brown sugar, powdered sugar, cinnamon, butter and other food, all stashed away inside her locker.
Other inmates, apparently ticked off that Stewart is getting away with such behavior, told the Post the locker search was prompted when an associate turned canary after Stewart balked at paying a kickback for the associate’s smuggling services.
C’mon, Martha…if you ever want to starting moving up in the prison hierarchy, you need to learn to play the game — including paying kickbacks to your fellow inmates when they smuggle vanilla extract back to your cell in their government-issue brassieres. Oh, and you might want to consider stabbing the next person who threatens to rat you out. I understand that’s very effective.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under In the News | Comments Off
Handicapping ‘Survivor: Vanuatu’
Posted on November 26, 2004
As someone who many people (most notably, myself) consider an expert on reality television, I thought I’d handicap Survivor Vanuatu now that the field of contestants has been winnowed down to the final six. Feel free to use the following odds sheet to wager large amounts of money on the outcome of the show (while keeping in mind that Apropos of Something — a wholly-owned subsidiary of JessCo Enterprises — bears no legal responsibility for any large sums of money lost by wagering on Survivor: Vanuatu and provides the following odds sheet for entertainment purposes only).
| Ami (100-1): Strong, a clever strategist, performs well at challenges. These people never win. Next. |  |
| Chris (32-1): Only man left on the island (unless you count Jeff Probst, which I don’t). Frequently declares himself a master strategist in between crying jags about being the next on the chopping block. Sarge and Chad look forward to reuniting with you on the jury, Chris. |  |
| Scout (16-1): Brings key ingredients of crotchetiness and gimpiness to tribe. In spite of what I suspect is a completely made-up name, has managed to make it to the final six as the mother hen of the Vanuatu women. Only a matter of time before she can no longer limp to Tribal Council and is therefore eliminated by default. |  |
| Eliza (8-1): Has clung to the tribe like a barnacle on a garbage scow — impressive, considering they’ve been trying to vote her off since the second episode. Large eyes remind me of a Precious Moments figurine come to life (with a brief stopover for breast augmentation en route to Vanuatu). Creepy, but not quite as creepy as… |  |
| Twila (3-1): Doesn’t seem to possess any actual skills that would help her win, but the fact that she could snap at any moment and murder the other castaways with her sling blade could prove an advantage late in the game, mmm-hmm. |  |
| Julie (2-1): Aside from not offending anyone, being friends with the right people, and looking pretty, Jules hasn’t done anything to merit making it this far in the game. In turn, I predict a millions bucks are coming her way in the fine tradition of Jenna from Survivor: Amazon and Amber from Survivor: All-Stars. |  |
If you happen to be watching this season (or even if you aren’t), feel free to share you own Survivor predictions in the comments.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 1 Comment
The prophecy
Posted on November 24, 2004
Assume for a moment that you’re a grocery store manager, and you want to promote a sale on Merlot. How would you go about doing it? If you answered, “I’d set up a table-top fountain in the frozen foods section — only instead of water pouring out of the cute little cherub’s jug and into the basin, we’d have blood-red wine,” then you’re a shoo-in for a job at my local Kroger.
Seriously, this fountain is disturbing. If I wasn’t afraid I’d look like an absolute nutcase, I’d sneak my camera in and take a few photos. The display got even creepier, however, when I stumbled across this quatrain from Nostradamus’ Les Propheties earlier today:
In the fourth Winter of the third Millennium, a Grocer shall rise in the West like a star.
Rewarding allies with Coupons twice over, and crushing foes ‘neath his boot.
For these deeds, he shall be known throughout the World as the Mighty Krog, and
On the Day of the Final Battle, the fountains shall run red with his enemies’ blood.– Nostradamus, Les Propheties (C6, Q43)
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Random Musings | 6 Comments
It’s a marshmallow world in the winter
Posted on November 23, 2004
There’s nothing like sitting down to make a mix CD of “a few” of your favorite Christmas songs and realizing you have too many to fit on an 80-minute CD-R. The final track listing for the “Apropos of Something Holly Jolly Holiday Mix” follows after the jump.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Life in a Nutshell, Pop Culture | 9 Comments
Hulk smash traditional gender roles!
Posted on November 22, 2004
Following up on the hat theme from the previous entry, who better to model your collection of vintage women’s hats on eBay than the Incredible Hulk?
Sorry, ladies…the auction has already closed.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture, Web Slinging | 6 Comments
Fedora-And-Pipe Guy Strikes Back
Posted on November 22, 2004
So, I saw Fedora-And-Pipe Guy on campus again today. He was still smoking the Sherlock Holmes pipe, only this time he was wearing — I kid you not — one of those Russian fur hats in place of his usual fedora. I don’t know if this kid is majoring in costume design or if he’s just a collector of novelty headwear, but I think he’s quickly becoming my new arch nemesis.
Speaking of which, what’s the proper etiquette vis-à-vis arch nemeses? Should I inform him of our relationship, or be content to seethe privately? I just don’t want to have an awkward situation on my hands when I see him a few weeks from now and he’s wearing a sombrero.
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Random Musings | 7 Comments
¡Madre de Dios!
Posted on November 22, 2004
¡Es el Pollo Diablo!
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Geek | 4 Comments
Your mama
Posted on November 21, 2004
Disturbing new reality show: Date My Mom on MTV
The gimmick: “Each episode features a different brave guy looking for love in the weirdest place…on dates with three different moms. He’s not looking to hook up though, he’s spending time with the moms to discover everything he can about their daughters. Our brave guy’s job is to try and guess just how far the apple did fall from the tree. He won’t be able to see a picture of the daughters on his dates, so he’ll have to work hard to get the truth out of the moms. In the end, everyone meets up on the beach to hear his decision. This is the spot where he’ll finally get to see what these daughters look like. Will he pick a hottie or will he be hurtin?” (via MTV.com)
Highlight: “You should pick my daughter because she’s a hottie, she loves to party, and she knows how to show you a good time! Whoo!”
Posted by Jess | Filed Under Pop Culture | 4 Comments
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