They got a pepper bar!

Posted on May 17, 2004 @ 11:26 am

We love the subs! 'Cuz we are filthy rats!Lachlan recently wrote about Quiznos’ now-infamous spongemonkeys commercial at My So-Called Blog, declaring it the worst commerical of all time. I tend to agree. As I commented on her entry, the ad disturbed me from the first time I saw it a few months back. In fact, all I could think while watching these freaky little creatures dance across my television screen was, “Quiznos has rat meat in its sandwiches. Those things are rats, and they’re in the sandwiches.” At that point, I swore that I would never set foot in a Quiznos.

Perhaps I spoke too soon. A few weeks ago, my wife and I decided on a whim that we would try a Quiznos sub (I guess rat meat sounded tasty to us at the time for whatever reason). So, we went to the local franchise and hopped in line. After a couple of minutes of studying the menu, I turned to Kourtney to ask what she was thinking about ordering. It was then that I noticed her eyes were bloodshot, streaming tears, and becoming swollen. And by “swollen,” I mean that her corneas were literally swelling up around her contact lenses.

Naturally, we left Quiznos immediately. After about five minutes in the car, however, all of Kourtney’s symptoms had disappeared and she was feeling fine. Needless to say, we concluded that it was something in Quiznos that caused the flare-up. Her theory was that the much-ballyhooed toasting of the Quiznos subs essentially aerosolized the oregano and other spices used in preparing the sandwiches, irritating her eyes in the process. My theory was, and remains, that she’s allergic to rat meat.

Meanwhile, on the ride home, we began composing our own ad jingle: “We love the subs! They make our eyes swell shut…”

Posted by Jess | Filed Under Life in a Nutshell |

9 comments so far...

  1. Kris May 17, 2004 12:01 pm

    No, no! It’s cuz they got a pepper bar.

    We love those commercials! Crack up every time!

  2. Richard May 17, 2004 1:29 pm

    It may be because of the air conditioning. Maybe they have rats stuck in there.

  3. Justas May 17, 2004 1:36 pm


  4. Fritz May 17, 2004 2:12 pm

    I think what happened to your wife was recently dubbed “having a Kimmel” — after talk show host Jimmy Kimmel…

    Jimmy Kimmel’s Exploding Head

    by Joal Ryan
    May 14, 2004, 1:35 PM PT

    The Advil bottle ain’t lying. As Jimmy Kimmel can now attest.

    The ABC late-night talk host “blew up like a float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade” on air Wednesday night after downing too many of the brand-name painkillers and suffering a face-transforming allergic reaction.


    Actually, as an allergy sufferer myself, I sympathize completely. I’m allergic to the yellow dye they use in Cheetos, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese dinners, and Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers. If I eat anything with that fake cheese color, my whole face swells up beginning with my lips. Then, I have a similar reaction — uh, on the way out. No, it is not pretty.

  5. Brent May 17, 2004 2:56 pm

    They just opened the first Quiznos near me not long ago (suburban Philadelphia).

    Their sandwishes are good, but those awful commercials are annoying as anything.

    (yet effective, of course!)

  6. Fritz May 17, 2004 5:57 pm

    Annoying is effective.

    I work in marketing and our latest TV commercial has the opening line, “It’s not the funnest thing to talk about…”

    Our phones have been ringing off the hook. And, only a couple of people have called to complain about the poor grammar. This is the most effective TV spot we’ve ever had.

    Why is this? The poor grammar catches your attention. You put down the TV guide and listen to the dope who doesn’t know that “funnest” isn’t a real word.

  7. batman May 17, 2004 6:31 pm

    i must say i strongly disagree. i love the spongemonkeys. i’ve always had a taste for the absurd and bizaare, and personally i’d rather see a thousand unique, daring commercials like the quiznos one than a single freakin’ car commercial.
    and as a side note, quiznos subs are awesome. next to popeye’s chicken they’re my favorite fast food restaurant. go there and try the, i think its called, honey mustard chicken and bacon sub.

  8. Fritz May 17, 2004 11:01 pm

    Batman — don’t forget that the Trunkmonkey commercials are for cars:

  9. Trevor July 1, 2004 3:46 pm

    Commercial genius at its best. If you like it your LOVE, if you don’t you HATE it, either way you remember it and Quiznos gets talked about. Genius

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