I ain’t ‘fraid of no liquidation sale

Posted on May 31, 2004

Dear Local Used Car Dealer,

It is neither cool nor ironic to use Ray Parker Jr.’s Ghostbusters as background music in your current “liquidation sale” radio spot when: 1.) Halloween is five months away, and 2.) the advertisement itself makes no reference whatsoever to ghosts, busting, or anything even vaguely spooky. It is merely confusing.

In the future, I hope that you will consider looking beyond low licensing fees to choose a more appropriate song to represent your business and its sales promotions to the general public. Thanks for your time, and best wishes.

Sincerely,

Jess

Stupid gecko

Posted on May 30, 2004

Imagine, if you will, the following series of events…

• Our car insurance expires, so we contact Geico for a quote.
• Geico’s quote for six months of coverage is several hundred dollars less than the rate offered by our previous insurance company.
• We take out a policy with Geico, paying in full for six months of coverage up front.
• All is well for approximately three months.
• After three months, we receive a letter informing us that our policy has been terminated — effective in less than one week’s time. Why? It seems that our coverage was terminated due to an accident filed a few days after our policy began. This is news to my wife and I, because neither of us was involved in any car accidents.
• We call Geico to see if there’s been some sort of record-keeping error. The customer service representative tells us that the information came from our previous insurance company, and we should therefore contact them if there’s a problem. We do so, and the previous insurer has no idea what we’re talking about.
• Geico then suggests that the accident must be on my driving record, so we should contact the DMV. We do so, and they confirm that they have no record of an accident either.
• Upon calling Geico a third time, a customer service representative informs us that it was actually my wife who reported the fictional accident to them over the phone a few months prior. No claim was filed, of course. My wife simply called up Geico one day to tell them about an accident — one that didn’t happen, mind you — in case they might want to raise our rates or terminate our policy. Also, it’s interesting to note that the record of this call only appears after the calls to both our previous insurance company and the DMV don’t pan out.
• I ask the customer service representative if we can have the accident taken off my record based on: 1.) the fact that it didn’t happen, 2.) the fact that the DMV says it didn’t happen, and 3.) my wife’s solemn promise that it did not, in fact, happen. They tell me that we’ll have to speak with the underwriters to get it removed. Unfortunately, she can’t transfer me directly to the underwriters; they’ll have to call me back later in the day (which they never do).
• Fortunately, as we are rapidly approaching our termination date, a friendly Geico customer representative sweeps in with a plan to save the day. For an additional $300, she offers to switch us to a different policy for the remainder of our six months instead of terminating the policy altogether. Then, she explains, we can sort out the mystery accident at our leisure some other time.
• I politely inform the representative that I’m not terribly enthusiastic about continuing my relationship with Geico after my recent experiences with the company. The next day, I go out and get a policy with my local State Farm office — for less than Geico’s original quote.

Now, I suppose it would be difficult to prove that Geico committed fraud, lowballed my original rate, or engaged in the good old-fashioned bait-and-switch under a set of circumstances like these. I do know, however, that I won’t be doing business with the company again in the future.

WASHINGTONIENNE MILKS COW!! APROPOS OF SOMETHING EXCLUSIVE!! MUST CREDIT APROPOS OF SOMETHING!!

Posted on May 29, 2004

Glancing at my referral logs, it turns out that a few people have recently reached my site by searching for “Washingtonienne dairy blog” and variations thereof.

Why does the thought of Washingtonienne working in a dairy give me creeps — even more so than the person who recently found the site by searching for “Michael Jackson AND mermaids”?

With that bit of nonsense out of the way, I promise to do my best to avoid any further entries devoted to Washingtonienne and/or featuring Wonkette-style headlines. Unless something really good comes along.

Training a new generation of gas-guzzling capitalists

Posted on May 28, 2004

I spotted this toy at Wal-Mart yesterday:

There’s no word on what kind of mileage it gets, but Wal-Mart’s website boasts that the Little Tikes Hummer H2 SUV features an aircraft-style gearshift, rugged 12-inch all-terrain tires, a forward-tilt hood, the “classic” Hummer yellow exterior, and a “pretend GPS system.”

Yeah, that’s great and all, but I hear that the version they sell at Target has a custom Eddie Bauer interior.

Six Apart announces more changes to Movable Type license

Posted on May 27, 2004

From Six Apart:

Update on Licensing
05.27.2004

It’s no secret that recent changes to the Movable Type license have received a mixed reception from bloggers (as the trackbacks to this post can attest). Many people have argued that the new pricing structure places an unfair financial burden on those users who maintain multiple blogs, as well as those blogs with multiple authors. We have kept a close watch on the feedback our licensing changes have generated throughout the blogosphere, and we have already incorporated many bloggers’ suggestions into our updated license agreements. As we continue to evaluate future options (both generated internally and by our users), the Movable Type license will continue to evolve.

That being said, we are very pleased to announce the latest changes to the Movable Type pricing structure today. In an effort to ensure that the software’s license does not discourage our users from maintaining multiple blogs or hosting blogs with multiple authors, we are switching over to what we believe to be a revolutionary a new pricing plan: pay-per-word pricing.

With the release of Movable Type 3.0014d, users will pay as they blog on a per-word basis (billing will be handled through the increasingly versatile TypeKey service). As a result, the license no longer penalizes those users who choose to maintain multiple blogs or host blogs with multiple authors. Instead, all users pay equally based on how much they use Movable Type.

Of course, we recognize that not all words are created equally. Therefore, the new pricing structure breaks down as follows:

Prices:

• Prepositions, conjunctions, articles (definite and indefinite), interjections: 1¢ per word
• Pronouns: 2¢ per word
• Nouns (common): 4¢ per word
• Nouns (proper): 6¢ per word
• Verbs (passive): 5¢ per word
• Verbs (action): 7¢ per word
• Adjectives and adverbs: 8¢ per word
• Proper nouns comprising names of other blogging software (i.e. “WordPress” or “Expression Engine”): 30¢ per word
• Gerunds: TBA

Naturally, punctuation and HTML markup will remain absolutely free. Furthermore, hyphenated words will count as a single word for billing purposes (if the hyphenated form is the preferred usage according to the Oxford English Dictionary).

As an example of the new pricing plan, suppose you posted an entry to your blog reading, “I had a cheese sandwich for lunch today. Then, I got behind the slowest woman in the grocery-store line! Grrrr!” By my count (TypeKey will handle the sentence diagramming automatically in MT3.0014d), this entry contains 6 adjectives/adverbs, 4 nouns, 3 articles, 2 passive verbs, 2 pronouns, 2 prepositions, and 1 interjection. Therefore, under the new license, your entry would cost a grand total of 84¢ — no matter how many blogs or authors you have! Now, that’s not so bad, is it?

As a special bonus, MT3.0014d beta testers will receive the words “movable” and “type” for use in their posts free of charge.

We hope that these pricing changes will put to rest the notion of Six Apart as a company uncommitted to offering users of Movable Type a pricing structure that is both practical and, above all else, fair to all bloggers. Moreover, we look forward to hearing your thoughts on these developments.

At least it’s good to know that Six Apart is taking user feedback into account!

Needless to say, this post is intended as satire. It’s not even intended as particularly mean-spirited satire; I loved my time with Movable Type, and the new license had very little to do with my switch to WordPress. Just having some fun…

LETTER TO WASHINGTONIENNE!! APROPOS OF SOMETHING EXCLUSIVE!! MUST CREDIT APROPOS OF SOMETHING!!

Posted on May 26, 2004

An open letter to Washingtonienne (a/k/a Jessica Cutler):

Dear Ms. Cutler,

In recent days, I am sure that you have been bombarded by interview requests from various media outlets. Most of these reporters have probably asked an unending series of questions about your Capitol Hill sex blog and the scandal it has wrought. I’m sure you’ve been asked questions like these countless times already: Why did you choose to write openly about your sexual exploits online? Do you plan to reveal the identities of your various Washington paramours? When are you going to write a book about your experiences?

I do not intend to waste your time with more questions about these tired topics. Instead, I believe Apropos of Something’s readers would prefer to hear your thoughts on a more stimulating subject: temporal mechanics. Therefore, I have included three short questions below — all dealing with issues related to temporal mechanics.

Question One: How is it that your scandal only broke a little over a week ago, yet all the coverage from both the blogosphere, as well as certain mainstream media outlets, makes it feels like I’ve been reading about it for six months already?

Question Two: If you are indeed 24 years old (as various sources have claimed), why do you look like you’re rapidly approaching 40 in most of your recently-published photos? No offense intended — after all, thanks to Sex and the City, the promiscuous fortysomething woman is very much in vogue the days. In all fairness, perhaps we should just chalk it up to a combination of poor lighting and all the scandal-related stress that I’m sure you’ve endured as of late. Nevertheless, I commend your tireless head-tilting efforts to ensure that photographers are consistently capturing your best side.

Question Three: Have you heard any word yet on when we can expect your fifteen minutes of “fame” to expire?

My readers and I thank you in advance for your prompt response. In the meantime, keep up the good work, and best wishes!

Sincerely,

Jess
Apropos of Something

I guess we just sit back and wait now.

Quote of the Whenever

Posted on May 26, 2004

“Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum of moo. And I am afraid to say that these days all I get is moo.” — Lord Vetinari (Jingo: A Discworld Novel by Terry Pratchett)

Hail to the king, baby

Posted on May 25, 2004

Geeks rejoice, for the award-winning film Bubba Ho-tep is out on DVD today! Not familiar with Bubba Ho-tep? Here’s a synopsis from the film’s website:

We find the King (Bruce Campbell) as an elderly resident in an East Texas rest home, who switched identities with an Elvis impersonator years before his ?death?, then missed his chance to switch back. Elvis teams up with Jack (Ossie Davis), a fellow nursing home resident who thinks that he is actually President John F. Kennedy, and the two valiant old codgers sally forth to battle an evil Egyptian entity who has chosen their long-term care facility as his happy hunting grounds?

How can you resist a set-up like that? Now, if you’ll pardon me, I’m off to Lackluster Video. I’ll check in with a review in the near future (assuming they actually have it in stock).

UPDATE (4:05PM): And have it in stock they do!

UPDATE (11:03PM): The premise of Elvis and JFK teaming up to battle a mummy in a nursing home sounded so bad that it had to be good. Having now watched Bubba Ho-tep, it turns out that it didn’t really transcend beyond so-bad-it’s-bad status. I’m sorry, Bruce; I tried.

Tales from the Classroom: Course Development

Posted on May 25, 2004

My department recently informed me that I’ll have the opportunity to teach an introductory “global issues” course in the fall. It’s a freshman-level class, and it hasn’t been taught too many times in previous semesters — which means that I have quite a bit of freedom in terms of developing the course’s overall direction and content.

Just out of curiosity, if you were a freshman entering college this fall and had signed up for a global issues course, what would you want/expect to see covered? For instance, how much coverage of the current “war on terror” is too much? Would a broad theoretical treatment or a regional case-study approach (i.e. sections on Latin America, the Middle East, the former Soviet Union, and so forth) seem more beneficial? Is spending a lot of time on the legacy of the Cold War still relevant to kids who were born in 1986, or should more time be devoted to so-called “new” global issues like environmental scarcity and human rights?

Obviously, I have my own ideas of what’s appropriate, but I wonder if I might be a little too close to the discipline to accurately gauge what someone who isn’t a student of international affairs might expect from an entry-level course. That being said, I’d appreciate any ideas you’re willing to share!

Pop culture distractions

Posted on May 24, 2004

Simulating the look and feel of a meme without the pesky hat-tip…it’s a list of what I’m reading, listening to, and watching lately!

This isn’t a library

Posted on May 24, 2004

Sometimes I wonder if it makes me a bad person that I go to Barnes and Noble on a weekly basis to lounge in their comfy chairs for an hour or so and read all the latest magazines for free — you know, instead of actually buying them or subscribing. For instace, I was hanging out at B&N the other day, pouring over the latest issue of Entertainment Wee — er, Foreign Affairs, when a couple of kids started chasing each other around the store, weaving in and out of the aisles and screaming like banshees. I briefly considered speaking to a manager before I realized that I wasn’t exactly in a position to complain. After all, what would I say?

“If you don’t do something about these little brats, I’m going to take my periodical-mooching, magazine-ruffling, coffee-abstaining non-business elsewhere! How would you like that?”

Geeky blog stuff

Posted on May 24, 2004

Tired of waiting for your blogging software to ping all the update services every time you save a new entry? Well, you’re in luck, because Ping-0-Matic has pioneered “metapinging” technology. Just replace all the update servies that you’re currently pinging with a single ping to http://rpc.pingomatic.com/, and Ping-O-Matic will update Weblogs.com, Blo.gs, Blogrolling, Technorati, and several other indices.

Oh, and WordPress 1.2 is also out — and better than ever.

All Madonna, all the time

Posted on May 23, 2004

All weekend long, MTV Hits has been airing an around-the-clock, commerical-free retrospective of Madonna’s career, showing countless videos, interviews, television appearances, and so forth. After watching a few hours of the Madonna-thon (as I’ve taken to calling it), I have arrived at two conclusions:

1. MTV always sends Kurt Loder to interview Madonna, and
2. Kurt Loder has a huge crush on Madonna (perhaps an extension of MTV’s corporate crush on Madonna). Whether he’s describing her latest single as “exhilarating,” gushing over yet another image makeover, lambasting music critics for not giving one of her albums its proper due, or just making googly eyes at her when she’s speaking, it’s obvious that Kurt Loder is in love with Madonna — and has been for roughly twenty years now. Where’s the journalistic integrity of the MTV news division? Best of all, Madonna is clearly aware of Kurt’s obsession and, in turn, has responded with a somewhat cruel — albeit amusing — combination of flirtation and mockery over the course of the past two decades.

For what it’s worth, MTV Hits’ retrospective is also an excellent way to chart the emergence of Madonna’s faux British accent. As far as I can tell it seems to have really come into its own sometime between the videos for “Ray of Light” and “Music.” Of course, there always a chance that she’s actually suffering from a case of foreign accent syndrome.

UPDATE (Monday, 11:30AM): Apparently, the Madonna-thon is neverending — just like Kurt Loder’s crush on the Material Girl. I just flipped over to MTV Hits in see Kurt ask her in an interview if she had named her breasts.

UPDATE #2 (Monday 4:12PM): Sweet fancy Moses, it’s actually 10 Days of Madonna.

Rush Limbaugh has always struck me as cartoonish

Posted on May 21, 2004

Fritz recently posted a Passion of the Christ-inspired print ad for the Rush Limbaugh Show that ran a day or two ago in his local newspaper. He then challenged his readers to create their own Rush movie tie-in advertisements (several of which are posted here). Here’s the original on the left and what I whipped up in the Gimp a few minutes ago on the right:

Sure, the font is a little bit off, but with Shrek 2 coming out this weekend, I couldn’t resist the gag. Spreaking of El Rushbo, is Air America still running the promo that promotes their network as “radio Rush Limbaugh would listen to — if he hadn’t lost most of his hearing to drug abuse” (or something to that effect)?

On a lighter note…nudity and roller coasters!

Posted on May 21, 2004

Thank goodness someone takes the time to keep track of these sorts of things. From Reuters:

Where Did They Put Their Ticket Stubs?
Fri May 21, 2004 11:44 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - Over 80 British students threw caution and their clothes to the wind Friday to set a world record for the number of nudes riding on a rollercoaster.

The naked joy riders spent a hair-raising one minute and fifty seconds swooping around the rails of the gravity defying rollercoaster ride at a theme park south of London.

A spokeswoman at the park said 81 students from 15 universities took part in the record breaking stunt, which had never been attempted before.

Reuters even offers a not-work-safe photo of record-breaking run for all you nude roller-coasting fetishists out there. Maybe the news isn’t so bad after all.

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