The Official State Blog of Georgia

Posted on January 30, 2004

With the state of Georgia all over the news today for its proposed banning of the word “evolution” from the statewide science curriculum, this seems like an opportune time to share a bit of background on the Peach State for those who haven’t had a chance to visit it for themselves. For what it’s worth, all of the following information was gleaned from an “official Georgia state symbols” poster that hangs in our graduate lounge at school.

For all you amateur ornithologists out there, the official State Bird of Georgia is the brown thrasher. Meanwhile, if horticulture is more your bag, the official State Flower is the Cherokee rose. The official State Crop, not surprisingly, is the peanut. Seems straightforward enough, no? Well, if the peanut is your official State Crop, you obviously need an official State Peanut Statue, right? Well, it just so happens that you can find just such a statue in lovely Ashburn, Georgia.

From there, the official state symbols take a decided turn for the bizarre. For instance, the official State Marine Mammal of Georgia is the majestic right whale, and the official State Reptile is the noble gopher tortoise. The official State Seashell? Why, it’s the knobbed whelk. Curiously enough, Georgia also boasts an official State Possum — the adorable (and presumably non-rabid) Pogo.

Moving on from the life sciences to earth science, the official State Mineral of Georgia is staurolite, a metamorphic mineral which I’m told is rather useful to geologists in determining the degree of metamorphism (whatever that means). Can’t find your way to Atlanta? The official State Atlas of Georgia is, surprisingly enough, The Atlas of Georgia.

Perhaps you’re a man or woman of the arts and would like to attend the offiical State Folklife Play, Swamp Gravy. Sounds appetizing, eh? Speaking of which, perhaps you’re in the mood for some good barbeque. If so, you might want to check out the official State Beef Cook Off, Shoot the Bull. If that doesn’t suit your tastes, perhaps the Slosheye Trail Big Pig Jig — the official State Pork Cook Off — would be more to your liking.

Finally, it’s worth noting that while there’s no official State Food of Georgia (assuming the poster I referenced is comprehensive), there is an official State Processed Food. Yep, you guessed it: grits.

In conclusion, I hope that this brief introduction to Georgia’s official state symbols will bring everyone up to speed on the rich and varied traditions of the state. If nothing else, perhaps we can all hope that the Georgia state legislature will be too busy voting on new state symbols to get around to banning the teaching of evolution should such a bill eventually come before the General Assembly. After all, how could you explain the anthropomorphic marsupial that serves as the official State Possum without evolution?

I guess it’s still better than “Everybody Loves Raymond” (barely)

Posted on January 29, 2004

Is a reality television series about Amish teenagers living it up in the big city not exploitative enough for you? How about a show called The Littlest Groom in which “in which a four-foot-five single guy named Glen will attempt to find reality show love by dating a dozen different little women.” The twist? At a certain point in the series, Glen will have to decide between dating women his own size or women of average height instead.

I wonder if this sort of thing was popping up at the local coliseums right before the Roman Empire collapsed.

Truth, Justice, and You’ve Just Totally Been Punk’d!

Posted on January 29, 2004

Extremely sketchy rumor has it that Warner Bros. is considering casting Beyonce Knowles as Lois Lane and Johnny Depp as Lex Luthor in its upcoming Superman movie. Why do I suddenly get this odd vibe that they’re going to cast Ashton Kutcher as the Man of Steel — trucker-cap-wearing Clark Kent and all?

Tales from the Classroom X: Snow Day

Posted on January 28, 2004

As a result of Monday’s unexpected ice storm, university officials ended up canceling classes for the day. Unfortunately, they waited until 8:30AM to make the decision — after eight o’clock classes were well underway and several more students and university employees (myself included) were already traversing the icy roads to campus. That being said, the following letter to the editor showed up in the campus newspaper today:

While many students grumbled about the late cancellation of classes on Monday, my bitching continued to the following day. How can the school send students home Monday but not on Tuesday? For the second morning in a row I nearly injured myself attempting to navigate my way down my still dangerously icy front steps. Upon arriving at my 9:30 class my hands were so cold I had difficulty writing for the first moments of lecture. After being constantly pelted by slush dripping from the melting trees how could I concentrate on classes?

All of these instances would be acceptable if it were not for the fact that I received very little sleep the night before due to my belief that school would be canceled.

It is time that the University realizes it must honor the precedents which it sets. Students should not, and hopefully will not, accept further discrepancies in school policy.

The consensus among my friends in the department is that the letter must be a joke — due in large part to the laughable complaint about hands so cold that the student couldn’t take notes (it was just barely below freezing) and the indignant admission that the student stayed up too late the night before under the assumption that class would be canceled. Whether intentional or not, though, it’s still unquestionably chuckle-worthy.

Meanwhile, I can’t help but recall a controversial school cancellation from my own time as an undergraduate.

This just in: Wesley Clark listens to Journey

Posted on January 28, 2004

Well, if America based its electoral system on candidates’ musical tastes instead of popular consent, I guess John Kerry would have still emerged as the Democratic front-runner. Nevertheless, Lieberman deserves “big ups” — and quite possibly “mad props” — for choosing Bob Dylan’s Rolling Thunder Review as his favorite concert.

Breakin’ 2: Papal Boogaloo

Posted on January 27, 2004

Winning this week’s award for the real photo most likely to be mistaken for a Photoshopped fake is this image:

Thanks to Gothamist for the larger image. For what it’s worth, the breakdancers received a papal blessing for their efforts, so they must have gotten biz-zay — consistently and thoroughly.

Another case of BlogMadness

Posted on January 26, 2004

First-round voting is underway in the BlogMadness 2003 tournament, and my Masked Fisherman entry is in the running. If you feel so inclined, you can go directly to the appropriate polling page and cast your vote. Thanks for your support!

Sliding through a winter wonderland

Posted on January 26, 2004

I’ve been known to complain on occasion about the lack of genuine wintertime weather here in Georgia, but it turns out that we had a fairly severe ice storm last night. Unfortunately, I found out about it the hard way — by completely wiping out down the stairs on our porch this morning while taking out the dogs. One moment, I was standing on our welcome mat; the next, I was flat on my back in the iced-over driveway. One of my sandals flew about ten feet through the air before landing in the yard. The other is yet to be found.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, both our cars were frozen shut, too.

Fortunately, I am strong like bull and only suffered minor cuts, scrapes, bruises, and a nasty blood blister on my left hand. I suppose a wise man would learn a lesson here about being careful what he wished for, but I choose to blame my enemies instead.

Bra-Mobile

Posted on January 25, 2004

Did you know that over 80 percent of women wear the wrong bra size? I didn’t either until I heard a Wal-Mart employee with a thick Southern accent announce that bit of trivia over the store PA earlier this afternoon. She went on to proclaim that a “fit specialist” would be available later in the day to offer “free bra consultations” in the lingerie department.

Free bra consultations at Wal-Mart? Fit specialist? Honestly, it sounded like a scam perpetrated by some guy desperate for a few cheap thrills to me. That was until I saw the van.

As I left the store, I was surprised to see a large van covered in images of lingerie models and touting itself as part of the Playtex Fit Patrol sitting outside in the fire lane. Words really can’t do it justice; you’d just have to see it to believe it. Since they have such a cool customized van, I can only assume that the Fit Patrol is basically the Fab Five of women’s support undergarments. Would the models pictured on the van be the ones offering the consultations, or would there be a licensed “bra-ologist” on-hand? Exactly what does a “bra consultation” entail? Who would submit themselves to such a consultation in public–especially in the middle of Wal-Mart of all places? Does the Fit Patrol fight crime when they’re not busy helping women discover their proper bra sizes?

Who knew that a trip to pick up some groceries at Wal-Mart could raise so many burning questions?

My (toilet) brush with greatness

Posted on January 23, 2004

A couple of years back, I was invited to speak at a policy forum hosted by a prominent former U.S. Senator who, for reasons that will become apparent in a few moments, shall remain nameless. After the senator delivered his opening remarks, there was a short break in the proceedings before the next speaker took the stage. Taking advantage of the recess, I excused myself to the lobby for a quick trip to the restroom.

So, there I was, standing at the urinal, when who else but the senator himself sidled up to the urinal right beside me — already a serious breach in male restroom protocol considering other urinals were available, mind you. That was only the beginning of my discomfort, however. As we both stood there relieving ourselves, the senator did the unthinkable; he decided to strike up a urinal conversation with me.

Hooting and hollering

Posted on January 22, 2004

I’m so glad that Al Sharpton is still in the race for the Democratic nomination–if for no other reason than to provide us with classic quips like the one he delivered during tonight’s debate to console Howard Dean over his much-ballyhooed post-Iowa caucus outburst. “If I spent the kind of money you did and only got 18 percent, I’d still be in Iowa hooting and hollering.” Zing!

Around the house

Posted on January 22, 2004

Just a few random photos from around the house…

You know you’re a dork when you’re a 26-year-old who listens to Prairie Home Companion, but you’re taking it to a whole ‘nuther level when you actually own PHC merchandise like the Guy Noir bobblehead pictured above.

Observations on the State of the Union

Posted on January 21, 2004

Just a few things that occurred to me while watching last night’s State of the Union address:

1. President Bush has improved quite a bit as a public speaker over the course of the past few years. On the other hand, he really could have used a haircut before his speech last night.

2. Didn’t it seem odd that President Bush’s comment praising community colleges received one of the longest and loudest ovations of the evening? I mean, I’m all for community colleges and everything, but that seems like an odd issue for the crowd to get riled up about.

3. I couldn’t help but chuckle when the Democrats interrupted President Bush to cheer as he noted that certain provisions of the Patriot Act would be expiring in the upcoming months.

4. Ted Kennedy looked like he was either suffering from indigestion or really needed to go to the bathroom whenever the camera cut to him. Of course, partying too hard before the big speech will do that to you.

5. Who’s idea was it to talk about steroid abuse in professional sports during the State of the Union address? I can just imagine the speech-writing meeting now: “Let’s see — we have time to talk about six issues. How about foreign affairs, homeland security, healthcare, the sanctity of marriage, education, and…steroid abuse!” Then again, Bush has spent more of his career running a baseball franchise than he has running a country, so maybe it’s understandable. Still, I just couldn’t help but feel like he was going to segue into talking about his Super Bowl picks at any moment.

Meanwhile, since I’m already blogging about politics, there’s been a folder full of Dennis Kucinich campaign materials — bumper stickers and so forth –sitting around our graduate lounge at school for the past few weeks with a note above them proclaiming him “the next President of the United States.” Today, I noticed that someone had marked out the “President of the United States” part and replaced it with “audio/visual club.” Heh.

Mix Master Mike, what you got to say?

Posted on January 20, 2004

In search of a fun new web diversion? Look no further than the Website Mixmaster (link via Wizbang). Just enter the appropriate URLs, and the Mixmaster will take the layout of one site and merge it with the content of another to produce a wacky composite site. For instance, here’s my blog’s content smooshed together with CNN’s site design. There are a few bugs here and there, but the Mixmaster is still good for a laugh.

At least they won’t have to worry about their parents watching

Posted on January 19, 2004

Just when you thought reality television couldn’t get any classier…

New series to follow ‘Amish in the City’
January 19, 2003

The UPN television network is preparing a reality series that follows Amish teenagers having their first experiences with modern conveniences and outside society, part of a religious rite of passage that tests their faith… (more at CNN.com)

Meanwhile, I just keep having flashbacks to an international relations seminar I took a couple of years back in which we watched Witness starring Harrison Ford and discussed its relevance to world politics. <shudder>

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