Decaffeinated Jedi:

If the offer for a free whistle looks too good to be true, it probably is.

Scumsoft has no tolerance for poor performance on the part of its janitorial staff.

If a door is locked, there's probably a corpse with the proper keycard lying around somewhere nearby.

Never order the Big Belcher Combo at Monolith Burger.

If someone offers to buy one of your valuable possessions, never accept his or her first offer.

Your friends might think you're a little strange, but it's never a bad idea to carry around a rancid fish.

Zero-G Skating is the least-enjoyable recreational activity in the known universe.

If you're exploring a strange planet for the first time and stumble across an unfamiliar looking specimen of the local flora, it's probably deadly. The same goes for the fauna.

A translating gadget is necessary to understand the speech of the Keronian natives. Apparently, a translating gadget is not necessary to communicate with any of the other alien races in the galaxy.

Janitorial closets always contain a plethora of useful items.

If the narrator says taking an unstable ordinance is a bad idea, it probably is.

There's probably a reason why the package says, "Do not mix contents with alcohol."

BLusk:

Try and do everything. You can always restore.

Be careful what you sniff/taste/drink, or you might: A) lose your head, B) end up blind drunk and killed by a thief, or C) puke unto the floor of a Monolith Burger.

Never bother carrying a gun, unless you are in disguise.

On that note, disguises never last. You will certainly either do something to give yourself away, or trip and lose your helmet.

Stay away from things that explode.

A janitor is like the A-Team. No matter where you put him, odds are he will build something out of garbage to totally waste his enemies.

Pick up and carry everything. You never know when that jock strap or rubix cube will be needed.

Dumb luck isn't so dumb, is it?

Never underestimate a motivated janitor.

Escape pods will always be stored in a secured-access area... specifically the area that you do not have any legal right to be in.

Never argue with an Endodroid. It wastes your time and annoys the endodroid.

No matter how fake a fake ID looks, it will always work on somebody.

Gambling is bad for your health, unless you have a magnetic widget.

Ship captains don't need phaser pistols when beaming to a hostile planet, or boarding a hostile space ship. Somebody else will rescue your worthless hide instead.

The law of gravity still applies, even in cyberspace.

Getting half the answer is OK. The other half is always stuck to a wad of chewing gum.

Vonster:

A little stink-berry every day, will keep the swamp creature at bay.

Orats are really ugly when they retain water.

Unlike their ancient ancestors, Astro Chickens can fly.

Sometimes the biggest thing in an adventurer's pants is his ladder.

Even aliens have to wash their clothes. In fact, there's no better place to get hold of that alien uniform than at the wash. Actually, better try IN the wash.

The average Sarien is the same size as the average Xenonian--and that includes their heads.

All fame is fleeting--until the sequel!

Luck is a janitor's best friend, and bad luck is a janitor's constant companion.

Cris:

Never trust something that is labeled with a word you don't know the meaning of (such as a churlish moddie).

Never wait around in the hallway when two giant, dangerous-looking strangers are coming at you.

Always read the warning labels before trying to dump things into alcohol.

CaptainRhode:

Never buy space ships that little old ladies "only flew on Sundays."

Latex Babes do not respond well to being dumped.

Your teachers are right--cheaters never prosper....unless they aren't caught.

Hair color is a fickle thing...

So is the color of your boots.

There's more than one way to skin an Arnoid!

Andromedeans are NOT skilled at fixing light speed motivators!

GeneAngel:

A buckaziod stolen from a deadly robot waitress is a buckazoid earned.

Always buckle your seat belt.

Never EVER press the button that says, "Do not press this button." You could end up in a mixed reality and/or be knighted.

Intestinal worms can be a big problem.

Now I know what really goes on in Windows 3.1!

Always check your seat cushions for valuables

Take regular naps in the closets at work; it could save your life one day.

Never load Leisure Suit Larry on your computer; it might bring about the downfall of the world.

Sudden decompression does suck!

Picking up big pieces of sharp metal is a bad way to donate blood.

Don't go in anyone else's airlock but your own at Monolith Burger.

Don't go too far in a desert world because you'll a) die of thirst, b) get eaten by a worm or snake, or c) get struck by lightning

'Fronzel Neekburn' is a name that get you into any hotel (along with 300 buckazoids).

Jello can actually harm you if shot from a Jello Blaster.

Scumsoft does not tolerate janitors who miss picking up garbage.

In a secret Genetix lab, it's best not to open the cages.

Fish, although smelly when left out, can beat the even smartest villian!

Sequel Police, although good with a gun, can't do Zero-G Skating.

On a volcano world, it's best to have some thermal underwear for protection.

Avoid kissing aliens at all times!

EVA Suits aren't just made for fashion!

Don't go swimming in a person's stomach acid.

Comments, questions, suggestions... jess@wiw.org