First Official Cast Photos: Star Trek XI

Posted on July 19, 2008 @ 6:48 pm

 
Clockwise from the upper left, that’s Eric Bana as Nero, Zoë Saldana as Uhura, Chris Pine as Kirk, and Zachary Quinto as Mr. Spock. TrekMovie.com has more details about the exclusive Star Trek posters debuting at next week’s Comic Con in San Diego; high-res wallpapers are available at the film’s official website.

Okay, I’m officially getting psyched. Is it 2009 yet?

What’s the most embarrassing song on your iPod?

Posted on July 18, 2008 @ 11:17 am

What’s the most embarrassing song on my iPod? So many worthy contenders…

I’m extending a free pass to anything by the Monkees or Neil Diamond, because both acts are kinda awesome (in spite of their cheesiness). Yes, I’ll cop to having an Ashlee Simpson song on my iPod (the Timbaland-produced “Outta My Head”), as well as Avril Lavigne’s insipid “Girlfriend.” Oh, and I’m not ashamed of Digital Underground’s “The Humpty Dance,” Shakira’s’ “Whenever, Wherever,” or Justin Timberlake’s “Rock Your Body.” Well, not too ashamed.

No, the worst song on my iPod is also quite possibly the worst song in human history: “My Humps.” Yes, I actually paid 99¢ to download this disturbing ode to Fergie’s “lovely lady lumps” from the iTunes store. Why? I had an iTunes gift card, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. According to iTunes, I’ve listened to the song 28 times so far. Let’s see…if my IQ drops by approximately one point every time I hear “My Humps,” I should be able to continue functioning for at least another week or two.

Sure, there’s plenty of decent music on my iPod from artists like the Beatles, Sufjan Stevens, Belle and Sebastian, Rilo Kiley, Bob Dylan, Feist, the White Stripes, Nellie McKay, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Paul Simon, Radiohead, and the Shins. But, “My Humps” is on there; I can’t pretend it’s not. What does that say about me? I’m not sure I want to know.

So, what’s the worst song in your music collection? Go ahead and share; there’s plenty of catharsis to go around!

The Clown Prince of Crime

Posted on July 15, 2008 @ 4:12 pm

 
Just a few more days until The Dark Knight…

Battle of the Sexy Inferno Gauntlets

Posted on July 11, 2008 @ 4:11 pm

You know, MTV’s trailer for the upcoming season of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge — apparently a shameless Survivor ripoff this time around — actually has me a little psyched. As usual, my love of awful television knows no bounds. Besides, the Lord of the Flies setting probably presents our best chance yet to see one of these reality show has-beens maimed and/or killed in action.

 
Gee, melodramatic much?

Review: “Hancock”

Posted on July 10, 2008 @ 10:33 am

 
Sandwiched between comic book features like Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, and the upcoming Dark Knight, I can’t help but think this was simply the wrong summer to release Hancock. A film that, at a more opportune time, might have been a mildly entertaining — if uneven — deconstruction of the superhero genre instead comes off as a mediocre also-ran in a summer already packed with superhuman do-good freaks.

Will Smith and Jason Bateman serve up exactly the performances you’d expect to see as a down-on-his-luck, alcoholic superhero and his self-appointed PR guy, respectively. Mind you, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Smith and Bateman certainly acquit themselves well in these roles, but if you’ve seen the previews for Hancock, you’ll know precisely what to expect from the first half of the movie. The film’s second half, on the other hand, offers a “shocking” twist that’s clumsily telegraphed by director Peter Berg well in advance of the big reveal. From there, Hancock stumbles along toward to a muddled, anticlimactic finale.

Hancock isn’t all bad. In fact, the premise of a troubled, reluctant superhero is quite compelling. It just doesn’t measure up to the high standards set by other recent movies in the genre. In turn, something tells me that Hancock’s best attempt at a catchphrase — an invitation to “call me asshole, one more time” — isn’t going to replace “with great power comes responsibility” anytime soon.

The verdict: C-

Summer TV Fix: “The Middleman”

Posted on July 8, 2008 @ 10:34 am

What’s not to love about a TV show that references both Barry Allen and Wally West in the pilot episode?

Okay, so The Middleman — a self-referential superhero/sci-fi spoof airing Monday nights on ABC Family — is more or less made for nerds just like me. The series follows the straight-laced, milk-drinking Middleman (Matt Keeslar) and his snarky sidekick, Wendy Watson (Natalie Morales, right), as they battle mad scientists, monsters, robots, and other evildoers bent on conquering/destroying the world. Imagine Men in Black and add a dash of The Tick; that should give you a fairly accurate idea of the overall vibe The Middleman is going for. The show eschews the melodrama of, say, Heroes in favor of witty, rapid-fire dialogue (and, in the case of the pilot episode, a hyper-intelligent gorilla with a penchant for mob movies and cheap tracksuits).

The end result is a very watchable — and, at times, downright clever — show. The stars have definite chemistry, and Morales is positively charming as the sarcastic Wendy. That being said, there are two factors working against The Middleman. First, it’s on ABC Family. That means the budget gets stretched a little thin, and some of the special effects end up looking like something you’d see on a particularly bad episode of Xena: Warrior Princess. Oh, if only The Middleman aired on ABC and had the budget of, say, Pushing Daisies! Second, a series with this kind of niche appeal is almost certain to get cancelled — sooner rather than later. As a result, there’s a decent chance that ongoing mysteries like the fate of Wendy’s father and the origins of the Middleman’s operation will likely go unanswered. It’s one of those “commit at your own risk” situations so common in television today.

If you can put those issues aside, however, The Middleman serves up plenty of goofy superhero fun. And, hey — if nothing else, it’s an entertaining sci-fi fix until the Fall television season rolls around.

Comment of the Millennium?

Posted on July 1, 2008 @ 12:00 pm

I realize it’s only 2008, but I received this comment a few days ago here at Apropos of Something, and I think it might be an early front-runner for the coveted Comment of the Millennium award. Please pardon the commenter’s language; I’m sure she’d apologize herself if she were here.

 
What kind of blog post could have I written to provoke such vitriol from KT? Would you believe it was a link to a Homestar Runner Valentine’s Day cartoon? I ♥ the Internet.

Review: “Wanted”

Posted on June 29, 2008 @ 7:03 pm

 
I’m sure I’m not the first to make this comparison, but if I had to describe Wanted using the familiar “X meets Y” formula, I’d go with The Matrix meets Fight Club. The Matrix elements — i.e. bullets that curve through the air, slow-mo shootouts, the whole “Chosen One” theme — definitely work in Wanted. On the other hand, the Fight Club elements — especially the attempts to replicate Edward Norton’s “I am Jack’s inner monologue” shtick — feel a bit forced. Wesley Gibson (played by James McAvoy) comes across in the film not so much existentially downtrodden as just plain whiny. At several points in the film, I found myself wishing the character would just shut up and start shooting stuff already.

Don’t get me wrong; Wanted isn’t necessarily a bad movie. The action sequences are truly out of this world, and Angelina Jolie turns in a compelling performance as a glowering assassin who inducts Wesley into the secretive Fraternity. If only McAvoy’s protagonist were more relatable — or even remotely likable — Wanted could have transcended to that Zen-like cinematic state of Big, Dumb Summer Fun. Unfortunately, it remains one magic bullet short of a full clip.

The verdict: B-

Jack Bauer: Fighting terrorists in the year 2017?!

Posted on June 27, 2008 @ 2:28 pm

Yikes! According to this New York Post article, the upcoming seventh season of Fox’s 24 will jump ahead four years from the events depicted in Season 6 (signified in the new season by the presence of Chloe O’Brian’s four-year-old son). The article goes on to suggest that this now places the new season of 24 in the far-flung future of 2017. That can’t be right, can it?

Let’s see here…Season 1 debuted in November 2001 and featured Senator David Palmer’s run for the presidency as a central plot point. If we assume that presidential elections in the “24 universe” take place during the same years as they do in the “real world,” that means that 24’s first season is most likely set in either 2000 or 2004. So, if we go with the later start date and take into account that Palmer is in the midst of a presidential primary, we can pinpoint Season 1 as taking place during Spring 2004.

We’re then told that Season 2 — wherein Jack Bauer tried to prevent a nuke from detonating in Los Angeles (and Kim Bauer battles a cougar) — picks up 18 months after the events of Season 1. If we go with the Spring 2004 start date for Season 1, that advances the timeline to Fall 2005 for Season 2.

When we join recovering heroin addict Jack Bauer in Season 3, we’re told it’s three years after the events of Season 2. That places Season 3 in Fall 2008 (i.e. the future).

Season 4, which finds Jack Bauer working for Secretary of Defense James Heller, jumps ahead another 18 months. That means we’re looking at Spring 2010 for the fourth season. When Bauer emerges from hiding at the beginning Season 5, it’s 18 months later, thus advancing the 24 timeline to Fall 2011.

Finally, Jack Bauer is released from a Chinese prison in Season 6 after serving a 20-month sentence. By my estimate, that means Season 6 was set sometime during the summer of 2013. The season ends with Chloe O’Brian revealing that she’s pregnant. If her son is four years old when Season 7 begins, that means…holy crap, Season 7 of 24 really is set in 2017! Just by way of comparison, Ridley Scott’s sci-fi classic Blade Runner is set in Los Angeles during November 2019.

If that’s the case, and the new season of 24 really is set in the year 2017, is it too much to ask that they have Jack Bauer use a laser pistol and flying car to fight terrorists? I mean, hello — it’s the future!

Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs

Posted on June 25, 2008 @ 10:04 am

Hold on a second…did I just watch a 90-minute cartoon about tentacle rape?

Without treading too far into spoiler territory, that’s the central plot of Futurama’s latest straight-to-DVD feature, The Beast with a Billion Backs. An anomaly opens up in space, allowing a giant tentacle monster from another universe (voiced by David Cross) to get freaky with everyone in our universe.

As you might imagine, the humor is slightly raunchier than the average Futurama outing — which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Unfortunately, The Beast with a Billion Backs gets off to a rather slow start, while Bender is stuck in a B-story about a shadowy League of Robots that doesn’t really go anywhere for most of the film. Overall, the movie felt like a slight step down from Bender’s Big Score in terms of quality. Nevertheless, The Beast with a Billion Backs certainly offers its share of laughs. I was particularly delighted to see newly-promoted Rear Brigadier Zapp Brannigan in a supporting role, bravely defending our universe from the encroaching tentacle threat. As for the animation and voice acting, they’re as good as ever .

The DVD release — awesomely packaged with kitschy retro sci-fi art and blurbs inviting the viewer to “See! A monster of questionable morality!” — also includes what’s being billed as Futurama: The Lost Adventure. Basically, the “lost” episode consists of the 3D-animated cutscenes from 2003’s Futurama video game, strung together into a surprisingly cohesive story about an attempt by Mom (evil CEO of Mom’s Friendly Robot Company) to take over the universe. All the familiar voice actors are on board, and it makes for a fun new addition to the Futurama universe –at least for those of us who don’t own an Xbox.

To sum up, I wanted more from The Beast with a Billion Backs, but slightly disappointing Futurama is better than no Futurama at all. I’d certainly recommend the DVD to any Futurama fans out there, but I suspect most either already own it or are in the process of securing a copy.

The verdict: B-

Review: “Get Smart”

Posted on June 23, 2008 @ 8:00 am

 
Slightly sillier than the average episode of Alias, slightly less silly than the average Austin Powers flick.

As a loyal fan of the Don Adams/Barbara Feldon series from the ’60s, I went into Get Smart with a degree of trepidation, expecting relatively little from the spy spoof. Much to my surprise, I ended up really getting a kick out of the film adaptation. Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway are marvelous as Agents 86 and 99, while Alan Arkin’s nearly steals the show with his energetic performance as the Chief.

And, hey — at least it’s not The Love Guru.

The verdict: B+

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